[Mrs Beasley]

My cousin's wife has a sister who's husband died of a degerative element in his blood that caused him many health problems, including a blood hemorage in his brain that is what ultimately killed him some 9 or 10 years ago. They had a grown daughter at the time and a younger one that is now 14 or 15 years old. One year after this this man's death his widow threw a benefit golfing tournament in his name, in which paying participants golfed and were served a dinner after wards. The proceeds went to the widow and her daughter. Well, this tournament has become an annual event and today it was held in his name yet again. They charge 40.00 or 45.00 per person, and the proceeds go directly to the widow and the daughter-no donation to any health organization in the name of the deceased at all. It's bill money and school clothes money for the kid every year.

Isn't this rather tacky? Once, okay. Normally this type of one-time benefit would help the family out with funeral and buriel costs, but the man had requested before he died that no services were to be held and that he were to be cremated instead. These people do not see anything wrong with doing this every year. I find it offensive to exploit the good name and character of someone who was well liked locally.

Is this inappropriate? Or, am I over-reacting?

[jrb252000]

I do find it a bit disturbing but if these people know where the money is going and participate at the event I guess they don't think so. I think the money raised should be donated in his name as you suggest to a proper charity.

[LearningAsIGo]

If there is a turn out for this event every year, then those people don't seem to have a problem participating. I wouldn't say his name is being "exploited" but celebrated. Its good to have everyone come together under his name... that means he's being remembered at least once a year by a bunch of people that cared about him. Remember, it's a good reason to come together ;) It also makes people feel good to see their money going toward that man's family and their care... those same people would give the golf course their $$ to play so why not divert the funds to that family for one day?

Perhaps you could suggest that some of the proceeds go to other families who've experienced a loss and/or charities in the area that might have been associated with the family. Maybe they just haven't thought of that, but your suggestion could create a much bigger event that would support even more families. :)

[s_cianci]

I think it is rather inappropriate. It may have been appropriate the first year while the widow and kids were struggling to get back on their feet. But now, 9-10 years after the fact, the proceeds should go to charity.

[linnealand]

while I understand why you feel the way you do, you might want to extend some benefit of the doubt in their direction. You might not know how desperately they need the money, or if there are extenuating circumstances (like sky-high medical bills that still need to get paid off) that make that event the only hope they have in keeping their lives stable. I am apt to believe that the late husband/father would have wanted that for them. Perhaps not holding the benefit every year would mean the family would lose their house, having to change schools, etc.

it certainly seems that attendance (and hence contributing) is optional. Perhaps you might want to suggest that a portion of the proceeds goes to researching treatment for the late husband's disease? Of course, I would imagine that the amount they are asking from each attendee is not a random number, so it would not be unreasonable to raise the price of each ticket in that case.

I'm assuming that if the widow were to remarry, she would not continue with the benefits.

of course, there are people out there, mostly narcissists, who completely lack appropriate judgment in certain situations. These are people who only care about themselves. I don't know if the woman in charge is one of these people.