[drivemecrazy]

I have been married for 3 years. I cought my husband starring at a lady on several occasions when she was at work. She is there only one day every 3 months, but when she is there he constantly stares at her and it extremely upsets me. I told him about it and he thought I was so stupid. He says he loves me and we are always together,, always. I have never cought him in any other act.

[Fr_Chuck]

While I know it is wrong and he is stupit, all men do and will look at ladies, I will admit I do myself from time to time. In fact I would say that there is not a single man ( who likes women) that do not stare and look at a pretty girl from time to time.

It is when they cross that boundary from looking to doing more that the trouble begins and starts.

Knowing it bothers you, perhaps he should try to take off the days she comes in if he can not control hiself.

He may have had some affair with her in the past ( PAST) and it reminds him of that.

[drivemecrazy]

He actually is assigned to sit the panel up for her. I understand checking her out, but his looking at her more than he should really makes me upset. I think you are right, he could have had a past relationship with someone that looked like her.

[SnakeBite]

I'm guilty of the same thing throughout me life. Honestly, I don't think there is a cure for roaming eyes...
That is part of his personality that you can't change. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you...

[GlindaofOz]

Men are really visual they are always checking out the other ladies, however must guys have learned to be slick enough to not get caught all the time.

Recognize that looking does not equal sex, that looking does not mean he things you are fat, ugly or anything other then the beautiful woman in his life. Looking is just that. Unfortunately you cannot keep his eyes in place and telling him to stop will not make him. I think that it's a knee jerk reaction for men.

I've always felt I'd rather have them look then be out there touching everything ;)

[kp2171]

I do it, I'm sure. I'm happily married. I think my wife is too. =)

we are absolutely visual idiots. I have a beautiful wife who is loving, giving, and faithful... as I am to her.

yet, I know someone, somewhere sees me being a dumba$$ oogling some pretty woman visually.

not saying he shouldn't be considerate of you, but there's nothing you said that id, as a guy, say is especially different or bothersome.

were idiots when it comes to seeing women we find attractive in some way or another. And just cause we find another woman worth watching doesn't mean a damn thing about our commitment.

[ForeverZero]

Women have a natural tendency of believing that true love is equated to being the only person their husband finds attractive. That's a load of garbage, and it leads to a lot of mishandled feelings when the dirty little secret is that men aren't hard wired to be monogamous. Evolution has taught every species that the more you procreate, the more successful your genes will be down the line, you can argue with me, but you can't argue with millions of years of evolution.

[Fr_Chuck]

I wish I had a answer to solve this, it appears you have spoken to him about it, and of course being a man he will deny it.
Now my wife would be so bold as to mention it in public in front of the lady. ( she has never had to, but she would)

I will say that marriage counseling is always a good idea, no matter how good of relationship you have things from encounter weekends to regular meetings can always bring couples closer together.

Most men ( and they seldom admit it) have some fantasy girl, often remembered from high school or college. For me there was this one cheerleader, I must have judged all women in my life by her as for as looks for 20 years. And in my memory she got better looking and sexier as time went by. *** my 20 year high school reunion ended that fantasy.
Real life is seldom the same as your memory.

I can't say what is running in your husbands head ( if anything at those moments)

[ForeverZero]

Or to put it simply, so long as he's only looking, the old expression holds true.

Just because you've ordered lunch doesn't mean you can't look at the menu

[nicespringgirl]

I completely understand how you feel!
Men are visual-shallow part of men.:D
But remember this, he is the one comes home with you, lay down next to you,clean the dishes when u can't, bought u chacolate on V's day. He can only look at her, but his whole heart belongs to you.
As an attractive woman( I am humble but just want to tell you the fact), there are many men starring at me on a single working day, THERE IS NOTHING! NOTHING! That's just what they do, they are just dumb enough to be caught by us.LOL
Don't worry, as long as he still comes home with you... all that u know, that's fine and I know how hard is it, but I tell u the woman he is starring at, only feels annoying!( that's how I feel when any guy look at me):D

[drivemecrazy]

I guess I shouldn't be so jealous. Maybe I should look around just to get a response??

[nicespringgirl]

You are right, worry is not going to help. Be clear and rational, be able to analyze it.
OF COURSE, always have an eye on him. And never complain too much or start a fight with him on that, u might be trapped then he can start to make up excuses saying the relationship needs a break! Always be careful...

[Dennis777]

Hello

When he stops looking is when you need to worry... We all Look and its not only the guys that look. Looking at others can add to your relationship and make it more exciting. Its not like he is asking her to the motel, he is looking and maybe a little harmless flirting. His and or your flirting can get the fires burning and make tonight a little more exciting when your alone. Don't be scared to have a fantasy life, its healthy and can be very rewarding.

Dennis777

[pasiria]

Hi,

You mentioned you're really hurt. I suggest you pick a time when both of you are enjoying a relaxing moment. In a nice and assertive tone, tell him you feel disrespected when he does it in front of you. Ask him how he would feel if you stared at another man in front of him. Perhaps say this, "Honey, I love you very much, you make me happy when you......but, I feel very hurt when you stare at her in front of me, I understand that you admire her, honey please don't do it in front of me." Then, kiss him in the forehead. If he loves you, he will stop. We don't like hurting the people we love. I stare at other men when my boyfriend is not around. Around him I control myself. I stare because I admire beauty, but I forget in a minute and the only permanent image is that of my boyfriend.

[answers_16]

Have you tried asking him to quit staring at her that it bothers you that might work

[answers_16]

Tell him that it bothers you that he constantly stares at her and ask him if he would stop

[rkim291968]

It's possible that you may be over-reacting. Men do look at other women and it is quite normal. If it really bothers you, ask him to be more discreet.

Also, looking does not normally turn into having an affair. Chill.

[go-ask-mom]

I think every woman goes through this, as its as old as time and will never change! If someone out there thinks they have a man that doesn't look, they are sooo in denial! I don't care if you're a Victoria Secret Supermodel... your man too, looks at other women! Lol! And that fact right there should tell us, its just a man thing! :)

Honestly tho- if it's just a glance or two at a pretty woman here and there, then I don't see anything wrong with it. I myself have even seen some gorgeous women AND men... and even I look!

If I see my hubby "notice" someone, I just put my hand on his shoulder and whisper... yeah, I can tell she isn't spending HER day chasing 5 kids around, then off to work 8 hours, grocery shopping and home to fix a nice supper! She's definitely HIGH MAINTENANCE! Then I add... your soooo lucky to have me! And off I go! Lol! ;) It's best to just let it go... don't tie every insecurity you may have about yourself up in one glance at another woman. It's just not healthy!

I suppose tho- if it was REAL OBVIOUS and happened "everytime" your out together, then that WOULD get real old. (honestly though, they probably do it every time were out... they're just that good and we just don't know it! Lol! ) I would think tho- that if it really bothers you this much, that he would understand and NOT want to hurt your feelings or cast any doubts. He should respect and honor your wishes and at least make an honest attempt/effort in NOT looking.
I know I would do the same for my husband, if a behavior of mine upset his world.

If he is a real religious guy (I'm assuming he's not) then some churches will tell you that just looking at another woman is the same as committing adultery. Lusting in the heart.

I just try to laugh and say, "It's ok to look at the menu...as long as you eat at home!" :D

[talaniman]

If this only happens once every 3 months then I wouldn't worry much. I bet she has a lot of stares. Your insecuity is making this much bigger than what it is.

[bushg]

I went to Lowe's with my husband yesterday for our weekly date! We were walking down an aisle and this very attractive asian lady was coming by us. When she got beside us my hubby looked down at her legs, which I had already noticed. Well I gave him the look he knew he was BUSTED! But I just laughed and said she did have nice legs didn't she. While we were at the counter I saw some very nicely built men , a couple as amatter of fact and 1 even had a quite handsome face. If we saw these people again, would we look again? Sure! But we went home together and that is the point