Check out some similar questions!

kuklagirl4 · Aug 3, 2007, 09:42 PM

I have known the father of my unborn child for 5 years. We dated and had a great intimate friendship until I became pregnant and he did not want to speak to me ever again. He wrote me several emails commanding me to get an abortion and wished me to miscarry. He is very aggressive and psycholgically damaging. In the last email and text messages he told me to never contact him again and if I didn't he would accused me of stalking and harassment. I did as he wished and never contacted him again. I am due to give birth in October 19th at Mt. Sinai hospital in NYC and I want to contact him regarding the news, he lives in New Jersey. Any advise? Should I send him a certified letter about the birth and or send him an email. Or should I wait until after the child is born? I think he just doesn't want to pay child support and he is playing hard tactics to avoid it.

Any advise or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

SpawnOfAzazel · Aug 3, 2007, 10:26 PM

He has no right to try to force you to terminate your pregnancy. Of course he is going to deny this child is his, so you should get a court ordered paternity test then get an order for child support. That way, he's paying whether he wants to or not.

Canada_Sweety · Aug 3, 2007, 11:16 PM

First of all, good for you for sticking to your guns and not getting the abortion he was trying to force you into.
Second, the only way you will need to contact him is through the legal system for child support. Don't let him walk all over you and don't let him get away with being a huge d*ck.

macksmom · Aug 4, 2007, 06:43 AM

As much as you would like to contact him about giving birth, I wouldn't. He has made it quite clear that he wants no part of it at all... and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change that... he will have to come around on his own, if he ever does.

You need to go immediately following the birth and get child support ordered, of course if he is not on the birth certificate, they will order a paternity test. But don't wait (even in hopes of getting back together) it only hurts your child. Don't let him get off the hook so easy.

Now if you are set in stone that you want to contact him about the birth... I sent out announcements to my friends and family... the hospital I had her at had a little website where you could send her hospital pictures out through email, but you could simply send a birth announcement out to him in the mail after you get home, but I would leave it at that.

ScottGem · Aug 4, 2007, 07:27 AM

This guy is a loser and deserves to have the book thrown at him. I hope you have kept all those e-mails.

I would consult a lawyer NOW, don't wait until the child is born. You will need to file for full custody and child support. He cannot get out of his responsibility by intimidation. With the threats ion the e-mails you can keep hiom away from the child or at least require supervised visitation if he tries to get that.

But do NOT let him get away with initimdating you.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 4, 2007, 09:40 AM

Yes allow the attorney to contract him and let him know about the child when he is served with court papers to appear in court for a child support hearing.

kuklagirl4 · Aug 5, 2007, 11:47 AM

Thanks everybody. I needed positive reinforcement. Am going to send him a birth announcement via certified mail and contact my local child support enforcement agency. I have kept all his emails and if he denies anything I have back up proof. It was shocking to me the way he acted towards me when I told him the news. His personality totally changed. It is surprising how nice he is with his niece and nephew, but turned his back on his own child. I distrust him.

bushg · Aug 5, 2007, 12:20 PM

He wrote me several emails commanding me to get an abortion and wished me to miscarry. He is very aggressive and psycholgically damaging. Kukalgirl Ok, I am all for a man paying for his child but if you really think that he will harm you or your child is it worth it? I have been to self defense seminars and they told us that if someone is crazy enough to want to see you dead. It is either you or them. If I were you and I really thought that he was serious I would pretend like he never existed. I worked with a man that sliced his wife's throat at rush hour on a busy street, she had a restraining order against him. She's dead, he's in prison and her family has their kids. I am sure there are many cases out there just like the one I just cited. By the same token I am sure that a many of a man has been ticked off because his girl got pregnant and threatened to harm her and wished the worst for the baby. But in the end calmed down. It is your choice what you do, you know him better than any of us.

ScottGem · Aug 5, 2007, 12:30 PM

I would NOT send him a birth announcement. That's just rubbing salt into the wounds and may serve to anger him more. Just get an attorney and let them handle all dealings with him.

macksmom · Aug 5, 2007, 04:30 PM

I agree, if he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with the child, you shouldn't try and force it. You can't do anything with child support until after the child is born. But again, I wouldn't try and shove this all in his face, it will only anger him further. I would enjoy your pregnancy, have the baby, get child support set, and contact an attorney if you need to.
Best of luck!

s_cianci · Aug 5, 2007, 04:41 PM

Since he was adamant about you never contacting him again, I wouldn't send him anything. I would just apply to the Superior Court, Family Division for your county of residence for an adjudication of paternity. The court will send him a notice to appear (which he cannot ignore, or a warrant for his arrest will be issued), at which time he'll be ordered to submit to a DNA test. Then if he is proven to be the father an order of child support will be entered. None of this entails you contacting him and it doesn't constitute harassment on your part.

otto186 · Aug 5, 2007, 04:57 PM

I wouldn't force him to have contact with the baby but I would push for child support. He helped make him/her so he should pay for it.

macksmom · Aug 5, 2007, 05:08 PM

Opps... sorry otto... meant to hit "agree"... crap!

otto186 · Aug 5, 2007, 05:09 PM

That's OK... lol:)

kuklagirl4 · Aug 5, 2007, 08:54 PM

I won't send him news on my behalf. I'll let my attorney and the court sent him a paternity notice. Its legal and professional.

Extra info on the guy: The night when the baby was made he told me and showed me court papers that he is suing his ex girlfriend for property damages. She went psycho on him and broke his car windows and glued his apt lock. I wonder what the heck triggered that, but I think he might have done something evil to her. He is also suing the co-op he lives for bad management, and has set up a website to air grievences.
So this goes to show that he really likes to battle, so I have to put up a good fight.