[rubycat]

Hi, I am hoping you may be able to advise me on my issue. Since having 4 children (3 to first husband and one with current husband)I feel totally embaressed of my body. I have severe stretch marks abd loose skin and my breasts sag. I also have excess weight of around 10 kilos which I am working on losing. I seemed to feel OK about myself right up until the last few years which is strange because all the things I described were there before then.(My youngest is 7, eldest 16) This is not helped by the fact that my husband makes negative comments and compares me negatively to other women in porn and real life. I have gotten to the point where I can't undress in front of him. I know this is about self esteem but I just don't know where to start. My husband and I have attended marriage counselling and the counselor suggested that it is perfectly normal for him to complain about my excess weight. Also didn't seem to think it was any big issue that he complains about breasts, stretch marks etc. She did suggest that he leaves the porn alone though as its not sharing his sexuality with me. He has been very kind and apologised for these remarks, saying that they are his issues.But the truth is I feel like its all back on me to change to meet expectations or accept that my husband would find me unattractive.Another part of me is resisting this and feels that his ideals are socially constructed therefore he's the one who needs to change. i.e. if I had plastic surgery wouldn't he just raise the bar further? And we're all getting older so I feel like I can never win anyway because I will not be accepted as I am. I feel guilty for allowing how he sees me to affect me so deeply. Any advise appreciated.

[fredg]

Hi,
You, yourself, have nothing to feel guilty about. He, on the other hand, has the problem.
If this is the end of you sex life, and you want to change it, then surgery is the only answer. I feel sorry for your husband; he is not living in the real world. I am certain he has some skin problems, too, that come naturally with age!
If you are this much concerned, then talk with a surgeon.
It's the only way to remove sagging skin.
Best of luck,
fredg