[nemoeight]

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My ex-husband and I have been divorced since 2002. We have a 8 yr old son. Our son lives with his dad, who was just stationed out in California. Our son visits me in MI every summer, over major holidays and even lived with me for the entire school year 2 years ago. My ex is remarried as am I. I am under the impression that my ex is about to be shipped out to Iraq in the next few months. He is active duty, 1st Lt. in the USMC. A few months ago I asked my ex if it was a possibility that he would be getting shipped out, as he has moved from FL to OK and now CA, in a years time. He told me that he would not be getting shipped out soon, but if and when he did that himself and his wife have already discussed the fact that our son would have to stay in CA to finish the school year. That it wouldn't be in our sons best interest if he were to move back to MI in the middle of the school year.
Naturally I feel this is wrong... I feel that it would be better for our son to move back with me while his dad is gone, instead of staying in CA with his step-mother.

What can I do to make sure that our son comes back to live with me while his dad is gone, which could be more than a year.

We share joint custody, the divorce took place in CA in 2002 and I have lived in MI ever since.

I do not have a lawyer, as we have been able to resolve issues ourselves over the years. But I can tell that he is not ready to budge on this one.

Please help...

[ScottGem]

What does the divorce agreement say about visitation and custody?

I agree with your ex, its better NOT to disrupt the child's school year.

[nemoeight]

Our visitation is basically late May-late Aug, 1 week over major holidays. Any other time that we deem is reasonable and agreed on by the 2 parties.

My problem with the whole situation is that our son barely knows his step-mom, who has 2 other younger kids. There is NO one else in California to help out if problems arise once my ex is shipped out. Plus, my ex is most likely getting shipped out in Sept. Our son could have just stayed here in MI the rest of the summer and started school here. But he wants to have our son live in California with his step-mom and not his mother. It's very frustrating.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, it is standard practice in general if the custodial parent is remarried, that the child can remain with the step parent, the non custodial parent is not being cheated, since they will get all of their visits, and custody times.

Moving a child more than needed ( military will move enough) will often not be looked at for the benefit of the child. Had you lived in the general area of California, you would have a better chance.

You will have to refile for a change in custody arrangements in California court.

[nemoeight]

A few more questions then... what if my son does not want to live with his step-mom? Then what? I have to tell him sorry, your stuck living with this strange lady.

What if my ex never comes back... it's not far fetched to think that he may never return home from the war. What will happen then? I suddenly show up on his step-moms door step to take him back to MI to live with me? How can she have more rights than I do to our son? She is a step-parent!!

What if she won't allow him to visit me in MI over holidays? It's bad enough that she won't let him talk to me over the phone for more than 5 minutes at a time... I can't imagine what it would be like once his father is gone!!

There are too many what-if's with the step-mom. I trust my ex when it comes to our son, but he won't be around.

[nemoeight]

Another thing I don't live in Cali... so why do I have to file something there? Our child support is through MI. They have only been in Cali since May. Our son has only been there a week. I'm not looking to go after custody, I just want my son here with me while his dad is away. The military says that my ex could be gone for over a yr!
Thanks to my ex being in the military our son had to move from MI to FL to OK and now CA. All that within 1 year! It's OK for them to yank him out of 2 different schools during the school year... but it's not OK for our son to come here and live with me while his dad is gone? Someone needs to explain to me how not only is that fair but good for the child?

[GV70]

File in MI-it is the "home"state.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry I though the child custody was though California, but no you file in the court where the divorce and child custody is at.

But if the son wants to come with you, you hire an attorney and petition the court to let him come with you while he is deployed.

If he gets killed, then you can get custody, but not unless he is killed.

If you just show up at her door, she calls the police and have you arrested for tresspassing, since you do not have custody, and it is not your visitation time.

[ScottGem]

If your son does not want to llive with the step-mom, then you have to petition the court that issued the divorce for a change in custody/visitation. The judge will listen to the child's desires then make a ruling based on what the judge feels is the best interests of the child. If your Ex dies, you still have to petition the court for a change in custody, but it will most be granted as a matter of course.

[nemoeight]

Thanks to all that responded to my question. The advice will help.