[Nohitter410]

All right I usually coming on here defending all the actions and what not but for some reason I have come to a point where the aggravation outweighs the benefits of this relationship and it just has to end. She is 21 and so immature and confused and it is not my job to wait while she figures all that out. We planned on going to Hawaii in October and she is suppose to come see me next Tuesday. I just feel like I need to move on but I do still love her but it is too much and I want to move on knowing in my opinion she wants to single but doesn't want to lose me which is a cop out in my opinion.

Do I:

#1 end it over the phone and tell her not to come Tuesday
#2 let her come try to have fun and end it at the end of trip or even the beginning and hope it isn't miserable
#3 figure out another option
Definitely no Hawaii

She called me everyday since I have known her when we were together or talking and I left this past Sunday and no call until Wednesday morning so in my opinion something is going on. What you guys think? I need to move on for my sakes, I could give an ultimatum but I know the answer. We are too young for all this.

[SpawnOfAzazel]

Tell her face to face when she comes over on Tuesday. Ending a relationship over the phone, or by text message or email is tacky and cowardly.
Simply tell her what you've told us in your post, and end it there.

[Nohitter410]

Well we are long distance and she is flying out to see me Tuesday and staying until that Sunday. I can handle seeing her.. but not sure if she deserves it or I should be a man and not let her control everything even if she still wants me, but she is trying so hard to take things slow and try to be friends so she doesn't mess it up. So I decided it isn't worth it from this far away.

[SpawnOfAzazel]

The distance thing makes a difference then. I'm sure you want to end it as quickly as possible and not be stuck with her until Sunday. In this case call her and tell her Aloha.

[nicespringgirl]

Think carefully Nohitter. :) As a rule, if you've only dated this person two or three times, an email rejection is perfectly acceptable—not as nice as calling her on the phone, perhaps, or informing her in person, but much nicer than not returning her calls or instant messages. But if you've been dating for months (or years), a virtual “'bye, toots!” simply won't do. Decide where your relationship stands and act accordingly.

Keep it brief. A thousand-word opus on the hopeless state of your relationship will only lead the dumpee to conclude that you're hopelessly conflicted—after all, why invest so much time in an email if you never want to see her again? Two or three sentences is ideal—longer than “Gotta go! Lotsa luck!” but shorter than “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.”

Stay positive. Now is not the time to remind her how childish her is or tell her she really should work out more often. The basic outline of your email should run along the lines of “I'm sorry, I really like you and I think you're a great girl, but I don't think this will work in the long run.” Remember, showing too much emotion—positive or negative—may send a mixed message to the person you're dumping.

Don't “cc” your friends. You'd be amazed how often this happens, especially among people who don't know the difference between “cc” (which means the recipient will see who else received the message) and “bcc” (which means the other recipients are kept hidden). Yes, you want to show your girlfriends you finally kicked him to the curb, but it's better to copy and paste the message after it's already been sent.

Remember, she who dumps by email gets dumped by email. Rejection letters are much easier to send than they are to receive, meaning you can't understand how aggravating it is to be cyber-dumped until it happens to you. So hit the “send” button, but remember that the virtual hats may be reversed in your next (supposedly) promising relationship.

I hope this will help a little bit, let me know.:)

[talaniman]

I'm old school and break ups should be face to face, and honestly you should make the journey, and save her the trip.

[SAB123]

I agree with Tal, face to face is the best way. I was always broken up by phone. I thought she was a coward for doing it that way.

[Nohitter410]

Well I ended it over the phone and it was tough because she was giving me no choice. I left Sunday and no call until Wednesday and then no message I called later Wed and a text and no answer. When we finally talked she was like I don't feel like talking and I was like you still plan on coming Tuesday and she was like yeah then a sigh I guess so maybe I don't know. So then I was like I will eat the 138 bucks don't bother coming and obviously Hawaii is out of the question. You are confused and rightfully so but just be honest and stop playing games. I am moving on and it sucks it has to go this way but if you don't have the decency to even talk to me conflicted or not then not my problem. You want to be single and not lose me is a cop out and risk you are willing to take. We are both young I don't hate you but sorry have a nice life and I hung up. Wrong way to do it but if you knew the hell she put me through I had no choice.

I guess I can't look back now since I did it but nothing else I can do now. I still love her but I need to move on and she is still 21 and she may love me but she is confused and it sucks. Would you try to correct it or stand tall and just leave it as I did?

[SpawnOfAzazel]

Stand tall and leave. You did the right thing.

[SAB123]

-jasonpeace- disagrees: my ex almost beat the sh!t of me when I did that, not recommended>

He is a guy, and he did not mention anything that she was abusive to him. And not all relationships are abusive like yours jasonpeace!

[talaniman]

Given the distance factor you did the correct thing for you. It over now and you can move on.

[Canada_Sweety]

By the sounds of it you did the right thing. And as far as I am concerned, when it comes to long distance breaking up, the phone IS acceptable.