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scg910 · Jul 31, 2007, 08:25 PM

My husband's best friend who was the best man in our wedding is expecting a baby. His wife, Amanda, is having a baby shower, and I found out I wasn't invited. Amanda and I have never been close as she has been very closed off and close only to her small circle of friends. Should I be upset I wasn't invited? Should I or my husband say anything to them? I don't feel like making an effort anymore with them, but it's my husband's best friend. For future outings, is it okay to have him go by himself to visit and hang out with them? Or is it my duty as a wife to accompany him?

nauticalstar420 · Jul 31, 2007, 08:31 PM

I wouldn't worry about it. If it were me, I would think "hey, its her loss". I wouldn't say anything to them because if they do end up inviting you, it will be because they feel obligated to, not because they want you there. I would rather have someone want me there, than to think they have to have me there.

You can tell your husband that it is okay that he goes, and if he wants to, that's fine. If he thinks that you should have been invited as well, then he will probably not go without you, thinking its rude to invite someone and not their significant other. :)

SpawnOfAzazel · Jul 31, 2007, 08:33 PM

If you weren't really that close then there's no real reason to feel slighted. Maybe she just wanted to keep it to a small circle of close friends, who knows? Some people get married and just invite their families and not their friends, so it's really anyone's guess why you were not invited. If you still feel upset, then you and your husband should send a card congratulating them on their new baby and put the proverbial ball in their court and see what happens after that before you decide to cut them off.

rankrank55 · Jul 31, 2007, 08:36 PM

I agree with star on this one; don't worry about it. It is truly their loss so don't take it to heart. Saying something to them will only cause more friction and possible bitterness. The best thing you can do is kill them with kindness and go about your merry way! What goes around comes around. ;)

LearningAsIGo · Aug 1, 2007, 11:31 AM

This has nothing to do with your husband and his best friend... this shower is for the wife and should be what she wants. She is a somewhat private person (as you said) so it shouldn't surprise you that she's having what must be a very small, private shower. (Believe me, my bridal showers had 12 and 8 people at each -all family -because that's what made me comfortable)

This isn't personal toward you, so please don't carry it on in the future... if they have guy time, then fine you don't have to go. If its an outing with man/wife, you should feel free to accompany your husband and not hold a grudge. I'm not friends with the wife of my husband's friend, but she and I make the most of our time together so our husbands can have fun.

kimberlyntony · Aug 16, 2007, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by scg910

My husband's best friend who was the best man in our wedding is expecting a baby. His wife, Amanda, is having a baby shower, and I found out I wasn't invited. Amanda and I have never been close as she has been very closed off and close only to her small circle of friends. Should I be upset I wasn't invited? Should I or my husband say anything to them? I don't feel like making an effort anymore with them, but it's my husband's best friend. For future outings, is it okay to have him go by himself to visit and hang out with them? Or is it my duty as a wife to accompany him?

I would say that it is your husband's best friend. Should the girls have invited you, yes, but since they didn't, yes you should accompanyhim to outings and when the baby is born, take a gift over with your husband. Be the bigger person in this. You agree you and her are not that close.

s_cianci · Aug 16, 2007, 08:15 PM

No , no , yes and no to your questions, in that order.

kp2171 · Aug 16, 2007, 09:15 PM

I think you need to get over it. She might not have been as open or warm to you, but you sound like you are just begging for a reason to disengage.

So she's not your best friend. Um... OK. So she selected people to come to the party that she might be more comfortable with... again... OK.

If anything, I see her restraint as logical. Why invite people you aren't so close to... just to get the gifts?

You're irritated with her and aren't fond of her. Fine. You aren't obligated to be her friend and she isn't obligated to be yours. But why get so upset... this is a baby shower. This Isn't about you. Why make it about you.

A great reason NOT to invite you to the party.

Perhaps I'm being harsh. Probably. I can live with it. People make dumb decisions when getting married and when having a baby. Sometimes people get slighted. But please, refusing to see her ever again... its petty.

You are just looking for a reason to bail on making an effort for your guy's sake. If you don't like her. Fine. But YOU own it. Don't make it about some flippin shower. You need to own it.

lacuran8626 · Aug 31, 2007, 05:59 PM

Don't worry about the shower. You were spared having to go to a typically boring event and having to buy a gift for a new mother you admittedly are not close to.

If he is going out in the evening with both of them, you should go. You might also suggest that sometimes your husband could meet up just with his buddy - for lunch during the business week, for a game of tennis or whatever. I wouldn't demand he only see him alone - you may grow close to this woman over time, or you may never click with her, but supporting your husband's desire to include you in his closest friendship is important.

Also be mindful that usually the person who's having the baby is not hosting the shower. The new mom may feel that because you aren't particularly close that you'd be offended to be invited to a funciton where a gift is expected, or she may not have provided a guest list - perhaps the hostess did the inviting alone.