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4answers · Jul 30, 2007, 08:54 AM

When two people like each other and are attracted to each other, they have a natural strong emotional desire to be near the other person. As they spend time together with positive rewarding experiences their emotional attraction and desire will increase, to a point where we call Love.

If in the relationship, one person receives negative rewarding experiences then their emotional attraction and feelings towards the other person will dimmish. Regardless of the other persons feelings, who might well believe everything is fine.

At some point the unhappy person will either look elsewhere for an emotional connection or leave the other person to do this. Heartbreak for the person who was unaware of the problems.

At this stage the heartbroken person has a natural desire and fight instinct to regain the lost emotional interest of the person who left. This person may try to hard to regain this. And instead of being the original person who the dumper fell in love with they become some obsessed, needy crazy person, who the dumber understandably does not find attractive. And who is pushed further away by this.

Before this happens the Dumpee, needs to emotionally step back from the relaitionship, so that they can regain their emotional independence and be once again the person who the dumper was attracted to. (If there is any possibility of a reconciliation, then this is the only way).

Now this applies to us all, it's the way our emotions work. None of this men are B*** and women are B*** . It is human nature.

When we are to emotionally close to another we think and act with our emotions, not our head. Remember emotions are irrational !

If problems in a relationship, emotionally step back and view in a rational way, bearing always in mind that your feelings are not rational, and neither is your partners.

We all love based on the value of how our partners make us feel when we are around them. Liken this to you Job. If you job makes you happy you will stay in the job, if it makes you unhappy you will leave the job. Relationships are similar.

Value the love you have.

Good luck and a wish of lots of love to you all.

4answers.

(This was wrote to all thouse going through emotional hardship, who struggle to see the wood for the trees. Sometimes the obvious is blind to us).

Canada_Sweety · Jul 30, 2007, 10:30 AM

Thank you for putting it into perspective... you're truly a wise & wonderful person.:)

GlindaofOz · Jul 30, 2007, 10:31 AM

What beautifully conveyed advice.

Haplo · Jul 30, 2007, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

What beautifully conveyed advice.

I've always personally loved the expression "pear shaped." :cool:

Yes, a very nice summation of a typical set of events. Everyone can learn something from remembering this. Thank you!

hair2007 · Jul 30, 2007, 10:46 AM

So true but why? Why does it end up this way? What happened to just being in love with someone, enjoying what u have the good and bad

Canada_Sweety · Jul 30, 2007, 10:51 AM

Life happens... and it screws us over!

hair2007 · Jul 30, 2007, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by Canada_Sweety

Life happens... and it screws us over!

Yeah, u can say that again. If someone isn't feeling it just screw, I know myself, I can't use someone, at least not for long periods. If I feel its not there I have to leave. People are just so mixed up... : )

Dennis777 · Jul 30, 2007, 11:17 AM

Very good. Thank You.

The part about taking a step back is so very true. Many people don't understand that we are always growing and changing in our life so if we are not grow together we have to be growing apart. By taking the time to see who you have become you have a chance to help each other grow with the same goal in mind.

Dennis777

Canada_Sweety · Jul 30, 2007, 11:20 AM

hair.. i know where you're coming from. Difference being that I try leaving and apparently I'm such a good catch, they don't wantto let go. I'm not proud but I've even had to play the "if-I'm-a-hoorrible-gf-then-you'll-want-to-let-go" card... so ashamed of that.

hair2007 · Jul 30, 2007, 12:15 PM

[QUOTE=Canada_Sweety]hair.. i know where you're coming from. Difference being that I try leaving and apparently I'm such a good catch, they don't wantto let go. I'm not proud but I've even had to play the "if-I'm-a-hoorrible-gf-then-you'll-want-to-let-go" card... so ashamed of that.[/QU
Me too... but it was cause I knew I wasn't feeling it, but at least I ended it, and not lead someone on for months or yrs... like my ex did and does... I ve even told him that in the past, but he always wanted it to work Until he knew I was always willing then,. forget it.. it turned him off to know I was there and would try... just don't get it.. if you know you don't love someone like they love u u need to leave... an not stay cause yr bored.

Canada_Sweety · Jul 30, 2007, 01:33 PM

So true.

Geoffersonairplane · Jul 30, 2007, 01:59 PM

For some strange reason I read this backwards but was interested more and more by the theory you have posted 4answers. As in backwards, I was going from the bottom of the page and reading each paragraph in the reverse way to how you wrote it. The funny thing is, it still made sense.

You are a big thinker 4answers, I have read a lot of what you write, some bad, some good so there is a bit of constructive(ish) critiscism for you.

There are some interesting points made.

Kind of funny though that I read it in reverse.. :confused:

Hope things are well with you 4answers.