[bushg]

She just did not want to be totally alone. She used you and she is not worth your time. Do yourself a favor, let her go. I know it hurts but the longer you hold on to her and her memory of what could have been, the longer you are going to hurt. If you were my son I would be so upset to see you in this situation. You deserve to be happy so for your own sake let her go. I would even change my numbers so that she could not contact me.

[bushg]

Mckenzie she was probably confused and at the moment she probably did feel something for you. It was just not strong enough to last.

[mckenzie134]

Your rigt pretty much what I got from her. She said" I love you but dont know if its enough forever" Yet many a times she said she only wanted to be with me...

She had so many opportunities to bewithothersnd I toldherifyoudrather be wit someone else then go, but she alwayssaid I only want you.

Sehas also saidi was really happy with you when we did things but sometimes wasn't that happy. Well triedtoask her when and shesaqid I dontknow I'm not sure its just how I feel I used to really like you and then I dotnt know I feel different.

This is where I tryand explain when I liked her less or didn't act as keen she was much more keener on our relationship and tryingto convince me to do everythingas a couple.\

She has even said I used to likeyou more than you liked me but thatschanging I think you like me more...

Should have woken upwhen she said that for some stuopid reason sheneededto like me more than shethought I liked her. THATSWHATIVE BEEN TRYINGTO EXPLAIN..

[mckenzie134]

I thin I shouldakep and ealise I should have stoppedtalkinglong ago and given myself the chance or findoutearlier than all this confusion but it doesn't help when she sayshow can wegetbacktogetheri we can't even be friends. Itshardto ansewerthis question and I found myself saying why would I wan to be friends but she didntuderstand whicheveray I ent I looked bad. If I said I want more I lookedneedy if I said no friends I klooked meanand upset.
Maybe I should have said nothingat all and justlet her think we ae frinds but that's not what I wantedswhatwhen she wirns totalk as friends. Andif she really wantedfriends then why after 3 monthsdidshe say I don't needtotalk toyou noew I di earlier but don't now...

[rol]

<Maybe I should have said nothingat all and justlet her think we ae frinds but that's not what I wantedswhatwhen >

Mc, it really does not matter what you did or did not do, it would not have made ANY difference,
I went through the same analysing and oh if I done this etc etc,
The fact remains if they really loved us they would not need a break or time alone.

Its time to wake up from all this misery and put the focus back on yourself.

Its hard I know , you can read my thread, I was in big denial like you.

No contact will help you heal and move on.

[mckenzie134]

Thanks rol yourprobly right, andi understand if she completely lovedme she wouldn't have needed the break. But I was mad that at one stage she did completely love me how could this change. Even the day beforeshe wanted the break she was so into me!!

Her reason for the break is she did ot know if the love was enough 3 years and she didn't know?? Yet she couldso easiely say I love you...
What makes me mad is she still wantedto stay in contact and I knew thiswas bad...

She should have realised how good we were and she at times but when I gave her everything she wasn't sure howtupidis that

[talaniman]

Mac, you probably will not grasp that feelings can change really fast, until it happens to you, and it will. I think that's the hardest part, to understand how someone can change so fast. It happens all the time.

[mckenzie134]

Yes but this is what I've been saying for so long tal and is the reason why I cannot say it enough it is he way you make a girl feel inside as to weather she likes you enough and as I have said in the past when you give less and asre more distant feelings towards you are stronger and the girl thinksnshe needs and wants you, yet when you become a nicer gy and are there and don't make her miss you her feelings change, this is why I so often say you need to makethem miss you and wonder to keep them guessing and they remain keen.I had this but well did change my approach and I let her closer to me and she went the other way and said she doesn't feel the same all because I was mpre loving...

[mckenzie134]

Giing her more love pushed her away when she thought she had me she decided she didn't like me as mch when she couldn't haveme always she kept wanting to have and see me.. how's tha for a girl, so what my supposed to do weelll next time I won't be leting any girl get to close because look what happened here

[hair2007]

giing her more love pushed her away when she thought she had me she decided she didnt like me as mch when she couldnt haveme always she kept wanting to have and see me.. hows tha for a girl, so what my supposed to do weelll next time i wont be leting any girl get to close because look what happened here

I totally agree with u. only I'm a girl, and it seemed like the more I gave whether material or love, or just being there through good and bad, its like it turned him off!!
I'm a little scared now to, to love someone again, it seems like they want you more when they can't totally have u. or you treat them like crap. If that's what goes on when you care for someone then I'm happier alone.
Anyway, I don't think it matters if it's a girl or guy or even age, its just who the person is and how they feel about you personaly, I guess.

[rol]

<but I was mad that at one stage she did completely love me how could this change. Even the day beforeshe wanted the break she was so into me!!
>

Yeah that's what I found incredibly hard to understand also, how someone could propose marriage and then 2 months later change his mind.

I think that's why we are left in denial for a long long time bnecasue the shock comes from nowhere.

Don't worry , you will get through it, once you get ou of that denial phase and into anger there is no turning back.

[SnaveLeber]

Very good. Wish you could work on your punctuation because the flow was difficult to read... but very good nonetheless.

[Skell]

Hey Mac. I can see your pain and anger mate. I really can. And I sympathise with you more than you think.

Ive told you before that I came here exactly like you. I was sad, angry and wanted my ex back so much. I wanted to know the magic games and tactics to use to get her back. And for a while there I was convinced like you are that these games and tactics would work. I tried them myself. I even met her for coffee a few months after we broke up as part of this elaborate plan that was hatched for me. In the end it only led to more pain and confusion. I was naïve and silly to think that they would work. And all I am trying to do is help you to see the same thing. Nothing more.

I agree with a lot of the things you say. It is important not to let someone in too much too soon. You should never go so fast as to give your heart to someone too soon. Of course you must be guarded and go slow. Be unavailable sometimes, have your own life, break dates if you have to etc. I agree with that.

But I think the difference between us is that I don't so much see them as games and tactics. I see it as having a healthy and balanced life and relationship. You should have other things to do sometimes. You should still do things with your mates. Go to the pub with your mates on the same nights as you did before you met. Don't change your life to suit your new partner. That isn't a tactic. That is just having balance in your life.

I hope you understand what I'm getting at. I don't disagree with your advice so much. Just sometimes the motives behind it.

I was more like you 12 months ago than you probably think. Trust me!

[Canada_Sweety]

Good advice:)

[talaniman]

I was more like you 12 months ago than you probably think. Trust me!

You, Chuff and Geoff, and a few others kept a lot of us busy, but has it been a year??

[Skell]

You, Chuff and Geoff, and a few others kept a lot of us busy, but has it been a year?????

It's a privilege to be mentioned in such esteemed company! :)

[mckenzie134]

Yes skell I understand very much what you are saying and yes I did have my Friday night with mates and I suppose afet 3 years I started to drop that off a bit and started to spend Friday night with my girlfriend. It wasn't that I like her more or anything I liked her the same since I met her it is just that she started to work more and well if I wanted to see her I had to sought of make time.

When I think about it I did see her more but come on 3 years and I started to see her more and then she is no longer feeling it emotionally and this is where I get mad I give her more time an dthis happens, she's unsure, yet I don't even think this was the problem I kept my distance I just believe the problem was she new she had to make a choice and well maybe I did see her too often. She worked after uni Monday and tues night then suppose she woould want to see me wed fri sat sun only at night though. Maybe too much

[hair2007]

yes skell i understand very much what you are saying and yes i did have my friday night with mates and i suppose afet 3 years i started to drop that off a bit and started to spend friday night with my girlfriend. It wasnt that i like her more or anything i liked her the same since i met her it is just that she started to work more and well if i wanted to see her i had to sought of make time.

When i think about it i did see her more but come on 3 years and i started to see her more and then she is no longer feeling it emotionally and this is where i get mad i give her more time an dthis happens, shes unsure, yet i dont even think this was the problem i kept my distance i just believe the problem was she new she had to make a choice and well maybe i did see her too often. She worked after uni monday and tues night then suppose she woould want to see me wed fri sat sun only at night though. maybe to much

Its all nomal what u say and did.. after 3 yrs with someone it shouldn't matter when u see each other the only thing that changes things is the person who has a change of heart!! then all this kaos happens cause of them, otherwise things would be smooth...

[mckenzie134]

Thanks hair that's right but a chage of heart after three years and in one day everything qwas fine in the afternoon she invited me over then it all changed she wants a break thatnight. Then she keeps coming over crying . I kept contaxcting which was a mistake and then she wants to stay in contact for a while then says she's fine and doesn't need to now, maybe she got another guy which was probably the case although she doesnthave a boyfriend but i think she actually just likes guys chasing her and once that started to happen she no longer need to talk to me. I was jujst upset that she kept saying she needed to hear from me and no what was goingon in my life and i didn't think this was right but she would say im not stringing you alonmg i just need time but don't get your hopes up. So i said well we can't talk and she said but i still want to know what's going onn your life. That was for like2 onths then she just said i don't ned to know now im feeling fine not seeing you, this was a kick in the ace all i was being was nice. Then to adventually tell me i just didn't like you in the end. Would have been easier if she told me thatin the first place.

What i have realised is she did want a break didn't want to hutrt me felt guilty wanted to keep me there cause she new in a way she still wanted and missed me and might be making amistajke but as soon as she felt fine evrything was great and she turned selfish yet wanted me there for her when she needed me cause i realised if she was happy then hings wrere fine and thought well we have ben together for a while we should stilll be able to talk. She told me we are going through a transition period until we both meet someone else. So she needed me there for support and i was like a loser... she even sleptwith me after a month and said she felt so great i was there but we were still on the break. She pretty much usedme and may not have known it but when she felt fine was pretty much like get over it..,. Looking after herself which is what i should have done from the start. But when i said dnt speak she said well that's not tright if we not friemds how could we get back together but if she only wants friemnds then why would we be together which means girls say anything to make themselves better. Cause at the time she was confused and didn't know what she wanted but by having me there she thiught she could decide. There was onlyn one decision she could come up with while i was floating around and the was to get rid of me and in a weay i helped her get over me by being around and then now she makes me feel worse by all of asudden saying i just didn't like you. You know why she couldn't say that in the first week cause she didn't know weather she wanted to lose me or not but when she new she couldn't care lkess about me.

[Geoffersonairplane]

You, Chuff and Geoff, and a few others kept a lot of us busy, but has it been a year?????

It's been 11 months since my breakup and 9 months since I first visited AMHD for advice. Seems like a long time really. When I think back to how I was feeling when it happened and when I first visited this site, it surprises me how time really does make things better. Time and a lot of hard work, a lot of grieving.

Time is a great healer guys and gals.