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    Natalie73's Avatar
    Natalie73 Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Jul 24, 2007, 08:55 PM
    New boyfriend doesn't call much
    Hi, this is my first question on this site. I have been dating a guy for a couple of months, we are both very busy people, we both work full time and he is working on his PHD as well. When we are together we have a great time but when we are not together there is not much communication. I guess I'm a little needy but I like to get a little 5 min phone call to say "hi" and "how was your day". I'm not asking for a big long conversation or anything but just a little... "I'm thinking of you" I didn't want to bring it up because I may come off as being needy or whatever but it does bother me a little. He just went away two weeks ago on-the-job and won't be back for another two weeks... in that time he has emailed me two little emails (in response to mine) and has not called once. I feel as though I've been forgotton... I know he is busy but is he so busy that he can't call for five minutes once a week? My friends are asking if I've heard from him and I've said "oh yeah" for fear of them asking "why hasn't he called?" Am I being silly in thinking he should be calling or contacting me more often? What do you think?
    modular01's Avatar
    modular01 Posts: 129, Reputation: 36
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:03 PM
    I would just sit down and talk to the guy the next time you are together. Open communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Tell him how you feel. He might not even realize that it's a problem until you mention it to him.
    Pook_Myster's Avatar
    Pook_Myster Posts: 117, Reputation: 38
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    #3

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:40 PM
    I know what you mean about wanting just a little gesture to remind you that he is thinking of you. My boyfriend was the same at the start, I used to feel like I was invading his space or personal time whenever I contacted him! Everyone is different, and everyone has different needs, expectations and desired for the perfect relationship, which is why it is important to communicate with each other and grown to understand what each is looking to get out of the relationship.
    rankrank55's Avatar
    rankrank55 Posts: 1,259, Reputation: 177
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    #4

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:41 PM
    Honestly, something is up with this in my opinion. If this guy REALLY liked you he would be contacting you more often than he is now. I mean he emailed you only after you emailed him... what would have happened if you never emailed him? You sound like a bright girl and you deserve someone who wants to pursue you... don't you think so? I'm sure he is busy and has a lot of other things on his mind but if he truly liked you to the degree in which you liked him then he would be itching to call you all day. The best thing you can do is to sit back, go on with you day to day activities and not contact him... if he likes you enough he WILL get in contact with you. Let him chase you a little bit hun... I'm not saying to play games but just stop worrying about him... he will come around if he wants and if he doesn't then that's okay, find another guy that wants to give you the time of the day!
    touji-za-nai's Avatar
    touji-za-nai Posts: 35, Reputation: 4
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    #5

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:55 PM
    This could be a LOT of things... well 2, he might be oddly shy- or losing interest.

    Is he normally talkative?
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
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    #6

    Jul 24, 2007, 10:04 PM
    I was a graduate student too, and I got this complaint. Coupled with the fact that I hate phone calls, my last two GFs complained I didn't call much... if at all.

    Honestly, some guys just don't like to make phone calls... even if we're not that busy we are just not as into talking on the phone as girls are. And we don't feel the need to check in every 30 minutes like girls do. I think it's normal behavior.
    Natalie73's Avatar
    Natalie73 Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #7

    Jul 24, 2007, 10:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rankrank55
    what would have happened if you never emailed him? You sound like a bright girl and you deserve someone who wants to pursue you...don't you think so? I'm sure he is busy and has a lot of other things on his mind but if he truly liked you to the degree in which you liked him then he would be itching to call you all day.

    rankrank55 I appreciate your honesty... (and all of the others that have answered thus far)... I wonder the same thing... what if I had never emailed him? Which is why I am doing just as you suggested... sitting back, going on with my day to day activities and not contact him. I guess I'm asking this question because I'm trying to figure out if it was just me being silly or if I am justified in feeling like there should be a little more effort. I don't play games at all (in fact I avoid them at all costs) but I do try to figure out what's going on in my head before I decide to discuss it with the person I'm with and I guess that is what I am doing now. I do "like" this guy, he is a really nice person and I would like to see where it goes... but it is still very early in our relationship so if it didn't continue then I would be OK. And to answer your question... yes, I do think I deserve someone who wants to pursue me, everyone wants to feel wanted right. ;)

    Thanks again to everyone who has answered... I appreciate it very much... keep the replies coming!
    Natalie73's Avatar
    Natalie73 Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Jul 24, 2007, 10:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by huno
    I was a graduate student too, and I got this complaint. Coupled with the fact that I hate phone calls, my last two GFs complained I didn't call much... if at all. Honestly, some guys just don't like to make phone calls... even if we're not that busy we are just not as into talking on the phone as girls are. And we don't feel the need to check in every 30 minutes like girls do. I think it's normal behavior.

    I was sort of thinking this too... maybe he just doesn't think about it. I mean we have a GREAT time when we see each other. And don't get me wrong... I'm not wanting him to call every 30 minutes... I'm talking about calling once a day just to say hi... 5 minutes is good enough... I'm busy too... I understand what being busy is all about.

    Thanks for your reply!
    rankrank55's Avatar
    rankrank55 Posts: 1,259, Reputation: 177
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    #9

    Jul 24, 2007, 10:43 PM
    Sounds like your on the right track thinking wise! To me, yes there should be a little more effore, at least! You can either sit back and let him come to you or you can talk to him about it. Do what your heart feels.
    Natalie73's Avatar
    Natalie73 Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #10

    Jul 24, 2007, 10:44 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by touji-za-nai
    Is he normally talkative?

    When we are together... Yes, great conversation

    When we are apart... No, he's not talkative (I mean... he doesn't call much)
    SweetVenom's Avatar
    SweetVenom Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Jul 22, 2008, 01:46 PM
    Hey Natalie73, how's it going? Still seeing that guy? I am going through something similar... the thing is the guy used to call and send text messages more and all of a sudden doesn't that much and the tone is different now... not "sweet" like he used to be. It makes me sad just typing/talking about it. Hope all is well with you now. I want to know what happened.
    Natalie73's Avatar
    Natalie73 Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #12

    Jul 22, 2008, 05:13 PM
    This seems so long ago now... my relationship with that guy pretty much ended just after I posted my original message on here. As it turned out he was losing interest. I since have met an amazing man who calls every day!! :) We have been together 10 months and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. All I can say is that if you are feeling like something is wrong then it probably is... forget about it and move on... because it obviously wasn't meant to be. The right person is out there somewhere.

    Good Luck
    SweetVenom's Avatar
    SweetVenom Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Jul 22, 2008, 10:43 PM
    Thank you so much Natalie. I'm so happy for you!
    The guy I'm dating now, we met through a friend and have been dating for almost 2 months. I am letting him contact me since I don't want to chase him. You're right, if I feel something is wrong, it usually is... I know there are exceptions, but we women have that intuition, and mine is telling me that something's up. I already have friends that have been wanting to introduce me to their guy friends, but I really like this guy, and I hate investing my time on someone and it not going anywhere. I am not calling it quits just yet. He did surprise me last Sunday and cooked me dinner out of no where (first time he did that for me), but aside from that, he doesn't call or text as often and he doesn't seem available during the week like he used to be... he would usually invite me to come over but now he doesn't. It's only been since last week, but since I'm busy it's not on my mind as much as if I were just sitting around. It still hurts. I'll just have to see how it goes and leave the rest up to God and what was meant to be will happen I guess. Thank you for writing back to me. Glad to hear you met a great guy. Best of luck to you both.

    Take care,

    SV
    happy100's Avatar
    happy100 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jan 7, 2010, 06:13 PM
    Fall in love with your life and live in your heart. Stop thinking so much. Experience your body and feelings and honor your feelings and pour love on them. You deserve dignity as a woman. Do not be scared of losing him. Be totally authentic in your feelings and lean back and relax. Do not pursue him. When you find yourself worrying or leaning forward stop... and literally lean back in your chair or do something you love. Do not call him. If he thinks about you he will call. If he does call, be honest, speak from your heart and say "It feels good to hear your voice". Unzip your heart and be totally vulnerable and present. See what he says. If he values you he will lean forward when you lean back. Enjoy the atmosphere and lean back in your chair on a date and see what happens. Sometimes we have to out girl men. If he asks about your day say something that starts with I feel. Be soft and feminine. Email and texting relationships are not real relationship. It sounds like you have a lot to offer. Therefore, you are expensive and have standards and requirements. Can he pay the cost of giving you his time, attention, gentlemen ways and above all else love and devotion? Develop yourself and build on being a quality, cheerful woman. He has to know you would be fine if it didn't work out. Work on your appearance, get some new clothes and have fun being a girl. Test his character in a fun and flirty, positive way and bring out his masculinity. Do not do things for him or convince him you are the right woman. Say a little less than he does and draw him out. If you are not secure emotionally how can you be a soft place for him to land? He has to know you can handle him. Mirror his greatness back to him. Cook to please his taste buds. But always be happy and confident. Cherish him, but don't give your heart away easily. WE VALUE THINGS WE WORK FOR. Don't be afraid to say I feel disappointed or whatever. If you are upset and act like you are not HE KNOWS. Men know our feelings. You want his heart. So be in your feelings when you are around him. He will fall for you by how he feels when he is around you. Have fun. Don't worry if he likes you or not. Who cares? Also be mysterious and unpredictable. Men are all about attraction, which is not all about the physical. And know, every man is wired to be the King of his castle, whether they want to be leaders of their home or not. It is possible he might not be strong enough for you. Most women deny men their birthright and become bitter and mad. Be careful about testing his character... if you do it wrong it will back fire. Do not make him wrong. Many women emasculate their husband big time. Men have fragile egos. Better to watch him do it wrong than to be controlling and tell him how to do it right. Most women fail at their jobs serving and pleasing their husbands. Be submissive, but set boundaries early on so he treats you good. Read the books: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. Women have lost their way. Get into your feminine energy. Men want to love a woman as she loves herself. Oh and please read the book. Think Like A Man and Act Like A Lady. If he doesn't pursue you he is not your man. You must be the selector and do not be at his mercy. He will think he owns you and will push you away if you do things to make him like you. Like the guy your not attracted to who keeps calling and sending flowers. Yuck.

    Be yourself and know your worth. Dating is courtship for marriage and happiness is not a fairy tale :) Prepare yourself to be a heavenly gift bride and pick out your man and have fun doing it! Don't be afraid to date other men. Pick someone you have deep respect for. Men need to feel respected ~ women need to feel loved. Take very good care of yourself. Be nice to you!
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
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    #15

    Jan 7, 2010, 06:50 PM

    It's not silly to ask for a little phone call. Most couples say that 2 phone calls a day while they are at work, is acceptable, and ideal to keep their connection with each other alive. Communication is the key to relationships. You can address, and often fix communication problems by... communicating!! Sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you would appreciate a phone call a day just to say hi. Make sure that you tell him that you just want to keep the relationship alive, and if he absolutely cannot call, you would be fine, but whenever he is able to, you'd like at least one attempt at contact. That's not a tall order, and if this guy really is in it for the long-run, he will do his best to fill that order.
    (this guy may just not care about talking to you. The only way you can know why this guy doesn't call, is by talking to him.)

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