[Sam86]

Hi everyone. I'm a 20 year old guy and have a serious crisis on my hands. There is this girl, at first I thought she looked cute, then I got to know her and fell in love within the first week of meeting her. One day when I was about to confess my feelings to her she suddenly started saying that she found a guy, whom she loves with all her hart, and wants to be there for him unconditionnaly. This guy's parents hate her and are trying everything to brake them up, threats, cutting him off.. and so on. One day I decided to end my pain and told her how I feel. She was surprised and told me that I was a great guy and every girl would be happy to have me, but she is committed to him. This was 10 months ago. Since then a lot has happened. I decided to stay best friends with her, despite the gaping hole in my heart. We talked a lot, at first almost all day, found that we had much in common, and discovered new things about ourselves. All this just made it worse for me. I'm very much in love with her and got upset a couple of times because of this. I became her friend even if it hurt, became her boy-friend's friend too, helped them with their problems concerning his parents, helped her at college and was always there when she needed me.. :(.. I sacraficed a lot for her. When I asked them not to kiss in front of me or at least say so when they want to be alone together he snapped and got angry saying that I had no right to say such a thing, she is intensly protective of him and sided with him. So I backed down.. and accepted it. There were several occasions when they got angry at me and I wanted to leave, but she cried over me and wanted me back as a friend. It's very hard for me not to talk to her and I worry about how she feels or if she's OK on a dayly basis. Help me , all I want is for her to be happy and for me not to cry every night. I love her very much but the whole situation is extreemly painful for me, I wish I could be with her, she's all I ever wanted, but if that hurts her and me trying to leave hurts her too... then I don't know what to do. His parents are still out to get her, he's 19 and she's 21. Any advice would be welcome.. :(... I ended up cutting one of my wrists.. I know it was stupid... I should mention that I meet her every day in college, we take the same classes.

[Jiser]

Leave them alone if its so painful?

[talaniman]

You really need to separate yourself from the misery and pain and drama to get a handle on your feelings and get your own life back. Leave them alone for every ones sake and stop being the extra wheel, and let them solve their own problems without you. As you see its not doing you any good except as a means of torture.

[Sam86]

:(.. anyone else, give more answers... pleez

[nicespringgirl]

i ended up cutting one of my wrists..i know it was stupid...I should mention that i meet her every day in college, we take the same classes.

Oh no please don't do this to yourself. There is one thing that I have always telling myself and others is that" there are tons of good guys/girls out there!"
All u need to do is to wait for the right one. U think that she is the perfect one because u don't get out more. Start to see other girls or just stop looking for love, you are in college, the most important thing is to get a good education. There are lots of semi-immautre people there, don't let them ruin your value and life. Please don't do stupid things. I don't want to hear u cut yourself again I don't know u but I think you are a good person that deserves the pefect girl, she is not the one. U'll know it when u meet the "right one", it takes time, that's all.Be strong, you are a man, u got lots of responsibilities in your future life. Move on!!

[chuff]

She is using you. She uses you as her emotional tampon because he won't listen to her problems. She dumps all her garbage on you and you take it. Then you help them with the their own problems. She is never going to be interested in you. She will always see you as the friend, never the lover. It's kind of ironic because she isn't even a good friend to you, always dumping her problems on you with nothing given back in return.

[chuff]

"Sam86 agrees: u r right about that, i just hope she woun't be too upset..last time it was pritty bad, she cried all week after me..so i went back"

You just hope SHE won't be too upset?? What about you? Screw her. She doesn't give a damn about you. How about you start worrying about number 1. She cried because she doesn't want to lose her emotional tampon. She knows nobody else is going to listen to her problems or even put up with them. You can not punish yourself into love.

[barbiechick123]

You should really get out of that emotional spiral. She sounds like a , especially if she gets mad that you don't want to see PDA and including when you love her. You should find another girl, she can't be so great if she's like the way you describe her. There are other fish in the sea, go out to social gatherings, or clubs and you'll meet so many new girls.

[blondiechika05]

I admit I haven't looked at most of the other responses so some of this may be repeats.

You need to try and let go of this girl. Obviously, your repeated attempts to show her how much you love her have done nothing but hurt you. You are 20 years old, you have PLENTY of time to find someone who will love you and care for you as much as you deserve it. Perhaps, and PLEASE don't assume this will be a result, if you cut yourself off from her for a while, she will see on her own just how much you mean to her. There is no guarantee that this will result in her dumping her guy for you, but it may at least give her a new perspective on your presence in her life.

How his parents feel about her will have no bearing on the relationship, in fact, it will probably make them more determined to make it work.

If you love this girl enough, you should understand that she is happy with this guy and you should be able to accept it. Part of loving someone is wanting that person to be happy, even if it's not in the way that you want it to happen.

However, her guy's response to your request to not be all over each other in front of you is uncalled for. A lot of people wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of thing, especially if they are single and/or have feelings for one of the people involved.

Letting her go won't happen overnight, but you have to try, if for nothing else, to save your own sanity.

[Sam86]

:).. thank you everyone for the support and advice... especially... Oracle Monroe... and nicespringgirl... I'll do my best and stay strong, for my family and friends. If anyone wants to add more... I welcome any help and support. :)

[nicespringgirl]

Be smart. Study hard. Save your money. Eat right. Be fun. Try new things. I believe this list can only add positive points to the man you are and the man you’re becoming. Don’t be foolish by wasting time.

Good luck and remember to take care of yourself.

That's right! That's what should do when we are young. I never regret about not spending time dating when I was in college. Take care of yourself, enjoy life be busy with your work,try to build a solid foundation.:)

[Sam86]

Response to the previous post.. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post519311

:P.. thanx everyone... I stopped talking to her... then after a while she tried to contact me... she was angry and blamed me, saying that she gave me her friendship and that it always has to be about me and my feelings for her, that I didn't think about how they would feel.. and that I'm selfish. I explained it again to her, that I can't talk anymore or be her friend, because the whole situation is/was just to painful and I felt used, but if she ever really needed help or was in any kind of trouble she should call me and I'll help as I always did. She told me that she can't possibly understand, that it's not logical, if I hate her then why would I help? She asked for her things back and her boy-friend explained to me that there is no other way, he's definitely going to marry her, no matter what his parents say and that I will have to get used to them being together, because I have no other choice. :P.. lol.. I told him to leave me alone and that I wish him all the luck he needs.. (he failed one of his exams this year and now he can't get into college or get a decent job... I hope he has better luck retaking it.. I really do, at least for her sake... without college in my country people have such a low salary that a person can't live for 2 weeks from it... at least his EGO is as big as ever.. ). After giving her things back and seeing for myself that she hates me we parted ways. She still doesen't understand why I as she puts it "ditched her"... and snapped at me when I asked her if she was OK.. (she almost cried when we exchanged the borrowed stuff).. saying that exactly her words:.. "why do u think that everything is about u!?". Lol... I took her crap,pain and rejection for 10 months and she can't even handle this much without ing about it constantly and trying to make me feel even more guilty.

I still feel guilty... and sometimes it gets bad... in those moments I would want to say that I'm sorry and take everything back... but I can't and I woun't... it would only mean more pain for me and them

I realize now that everyone was right about her and that she only used me, I was her toy. Now that I'm gone she's bored and doesen't really have anyone to "entertain her". I realise that until everything was going in her favor and things were OK.. she was nice.. and caring,. but as soon as things went bad and I voiced my problems she started hating and blaming me. I don't ever want to get back with her, not as a friend and definitely not as her boyfriend. :D.. I'm looking forward now and studying hard to be a psychologist. I still wish them a happy life together.. they deserve each other.:P.. at least I don't have to put opp with her depressive moodswings any more, and I'm free to live life

[talaniman]

Yes you are free and should be happy as a lark. Drama over.

[chuff]

Well I'm new to your situation but I think if you read some of the posts at this very sight you will see just how lucky and smart you are. You actually opened your eyes and learned something. Some people come here, get awesome advice and then ignore everything because they don't want to face the reality that they are getting used or the reality of losing someone. You have faced that reality and you accept it which only means for you, the pain can go away as opposed to some who continue to punish themselves.