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freaked out · Jul 20, 2007, 01:45 PM

Hi I have not been on here in a while I am still freaked out and egverythng is going wrong again I am the one with a husband that can not keep a job and lost his last 6 job because he does drugs and yes I am still stayed with him I felt bad for him and I know that's not a good reason to stay with him... anyway last week he lost another job for failing a drug test x2 and yes I was upset but I told him I would help him keep looking and I kept telling him to quit smoking so he can get a job we have 2 small kids and I work full time and pay almost allthe bills my mom helps me with whatever I need I am the one with the car and everything so he does not help me much well anyway we got into a fight the other day because him doing drugs again and anyway I told him I was done and to leave for good he kept begging and saying he is sorry and he will change and thenhe finally got everything of his out it in the car and he grabbed my baby kitten well I went outside to the car to get the cat and I reached my arm in the back seat of the driver side door and he woul dnot let me have the cat well while my arm was inthere it got stuck with all his stuff in the back seat well he started to drive and I could not get my arm free he kept driving while my bare feet draged and I was screaming as loud as I could to stop and he wouldn't and I could not hold myslef up very good so I was bleeding and brused pretty bad and finally after like 2 blocks I got my arm loose and fell to the ground and he kept driving and I filed a police report and he has a warrant out for his arrest but I feel bad for him why please help me get over him and move on with my kids??

shygrneyzs · Jul 20, 2007, 02:01 PM

Someone needs to file a report allright. You continuing to endanger the lives of your small children, by staying with a known drug abuser. I am serious. I am surprised no one has called Child Protective Services and reported this.

He has a warrant out for his arrest now. Where is he? Did he come home? If he did not come home, then take this time to pack what you can and leave with the children. I am very serious about that. Call a women's shelter, the police, an abuse shelter, whoever you have to call to offer you a safe haven. Your priority is keeping you and your children safe. You do not have a priority in regards to your husband. You cannot change him. You cannot make him stop taking drugs. You cannot stop his drinking and his violent behavior. He is the ONLY one who can make any changes in his life. Unless the courts get him and order him into treatment.

With you still there, all you are doing is giving him the luxuries without any reason to get better. You have enabled him to be sick and you need to break away from that pattern of behavior. If nothing else impresses you about why you need to do this ---- think of your children. They see and hear everything. This is how they learn and this is where they develop their patterns of behavior. Do you want them to turn out like their Father or for them to become doormats and enablers like their Mother? I think not.

You have to start by NOT feeling bad for your husband anymore. He created his own problems. He can straighten himself up. It is NOT your job to fix him. Even if you tried the rest of your life, you could not fix what is broken here.

What you can do, should do, have to do, is to separate yourself from your husband and protect your children. You can set down expectations to your husband and then make it stick. Don't give in, don't feel sorry for him, don't fall for empty promises.

Start with counseling for yourself. You need to figure out why you keep on with him when it hurts you and your children. If you never find out why, you will most likely repeat your behavior and enter into another bad relationship. You do not have to subject yourself and your children to any type of abuse from your husband. Remember, abuse is not just physical. Abuse is verbal, emotional, and psychological.

Your husband is counting on you being there to support him. Do not allow yourself to continue that. You deserve to be happy, healthy, secure, and well. Your children deserve to live in a peaceful and loving home. You already know your husband can not provide that. So take the steps now to get back your life.

Good luck in all you do. Be safe.

freaked out · Jul 20, 2007, 02:10 PM

He has not came back home I am currently staying with my sister and I am moving out and moving back with my parents for a while and he is staying with his brother just a few blocks from my house I hope they get him so I do not have to worry about him coming around thank you for the advice shygrneyzs

shygrneyzs · Jul 20, 2007, 02:18 PM

I truly hope you can stay safe from him and keep your children protected. This is so dangerous. Please get some help for yourself. You can't help your husband. Take very good care of yourself and your children. They need you. Wishing you the very best.

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 02:19 PM

You need to file a restraining order on this ba$tard before he kills you. I believe you were warned about that before, now you see just how close the reality is.

STAY AWAY, don't go back, don't accept his apology, he is not sorry. What he IS sorry for is that he is losing his enabler, you.

Stay away, do not even let the kids near him. You are very lucky you still have your kids. If CPS found out, they would be gone in a heart beat.

Now, if your children are important to you, you will steer clear of this idiot.

shygrneyzs · Jul 20, 2007, 02:20 PM

Mega Dittoes to what J_9 just said!

kanicky73 · Jul 20, 2007, 02:27 PM

I truly am going to try to be respectful here, but what the hell is the matter with you?? If you know where he is, then call the police department the next time you see is a@# over there and they will go and pick him up. If you truly wanted this man out of your life, you would be doing anything and everything to make sure he is out!! Like turning him in if you know where he is. DUH!! This makes me angry when women talk about repeated abuse and repeated problems but they don't do anything about it. If you want to continue to stay with this pile of crap and never get anywhere in life, then give your kids to a family member who will take care of them properly and keep them from harm and you and loser boy have a nice life. If not, stop the ridiculous pitty party, call the police and tell them where he is and do something to better your life and your kids lives!!

modular01 · Jul 20, 2007, 02:31 PM

The guy isn't good for you or your children. You are enabling the whole situation by continuing to stay with him. The guy should be in jail. I hope that they do find him and arrest him. The kids don't need someone like him raising them. Kids emulate their parents. I know because I have kids and they follow my actions. By staying with this guy you are pretty much telling your kids that it's all right for women to be treated like that. I know that isn't what you want them to learn, but the environment that they in tells them otherwise. You need to be strong and stand up for yourself, for the sake of your well being as well as your children.

In addition, you deserve better than someone like him. You are all better without him.

freaked out · Jul 20, 2007, 02:36 PM

Yes your answers are very helpful I am just going crazy I still feel a soft spot for him and I really really do not want to..?

kanicky73 · Jul 20, 2007, 02:42 PM

Get angry!! Get Furious!! Stop and think for one second how mad and angry you would be feeling right now if he did this to one of your children!! Feed off that anger and get rid of this man! It is only a matter of time before he starts forwarding his abusiveness to your children if you stay with him. If you even for one minute think that is OK and would continue to care for this "little boy" (cause that's what he is! ) then you don't deserve to have your children in your custody. You have already put them in harms way by allowing him to bring drugs in your home. Just what if he left some of those drugs and one of your children got a hold of them and ate it and died from an overdose!! How much would you love him then!

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 02:43 PM

Sweetie, you don't love him. You are addicted to him.

He has brainwashed you hun, this is not love.

modular01 · Jul 20, 2007, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by freaked out

yes your answers are very helpfull I am just going crazy i still feel a soft spot for him and I really really do not want to ......???

Let me ask you this; would you still have a soft spot for him if he beat one of your kids and sent them to the hospital, or killed them, or made it so that you and your kids had to live on the street because he can't get his act together?

I cannot stress enough how bad this situation is, and how quickly you need to cut all ties and get your life back in order. All he is doing is dragging you and your family down with him.

My wife's ex husband was exactly like the guy that you describing; he cheated on her with the next door neighbor, got the next door neighbor pregnant, was involved heavily into drugs and gambled their life savings away, then walked out on my wife when she was 4 months pregnant with her daughter, and his 3 year old son. You know what she did? Filed for divorce, got rid of his @$$, and got the hell out.

This is all the advice I can give. If you continue to be in this situation after the advice everyone has given you, I won't feel sorry for you, only your children.

tuff1sissy · Jul 20, 2007, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by freaked out

Hi I have not been on here in a while I am still freaked out and egverythng is going wrong again I am the one with a husband that can not keep a job and lost his last 6 job because he does drugs and yes i am still stayed with him I felt bad for him and I know thats not a good reason to stay with him....... anyway last week he lost another job for failing a drug test x2 and yes i was upset but I told him i would help him keep looking and I kept telling him to quit smoking so he can get a job we have 2 small kids and I work full time and pay almost allthe bills my mom helps me with whatever i need I am the one with the car and everything so he does not help me much well anyway we got inot a fight the other day because him doing drugs again and anyway I told him i was done and to leave for good he kept begging and saying he is sorry and he will change and thenhe finally got everything of his out it in the car and he grabbed my baby kitten well i went outside to the car to get the cat and I reached my arm in the back seat of the driver side door and he woul dnot let me have the cat well while my arm was inthere it got stuck with all his stuff in the back seat well he started to drive and i could not get my arm free he kept driving while my bare feet draged and I was screaming as loud as I could to stop and he wouldnt and i could not hold myslef up very good so i was bleeding and brused pretty bad and finally after like 2 blocks I got my arm loose and fell to the ground and he kept driving and i filed a police report and he has a warrant out for his arrest but i feel bad for him why please help me get over him and move on with my kids ????

Sooooooooooooooooooo stupid and you let your children around him. You need a phsychiatrist, not him!

tuff1sissy · Jul 20, 2007, 03:16 PM

Sooooooooooooooooooo stupid and you let your children around him. You need a phsychiatrist, not him!

freaked out · Jul 20, 2007, 03:23 PM

I am trying to do what is best I am really trying

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 03:26 PM

What is best is calling the police and letting him know that he is staying down the street from you.

That is what is best right now.

freaked out · Jul 20, 2007, 03:33 PM

Yes I actually just did that and the cop went over there and talked to him and said she can not do anything yet she has to talk to the witnesses and that makes me really really upset because he does not deserve to be free right now

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 03:52 PM

If he has a warrant out for his arrest then he should have been arrested. So call the cops back and tell them that he has a warrant and you want him arrested.

kanicky73 · Jul 23, 2007, 01:40 PM

You know what, you either straighten your act up and take our advice or continue doing what ever it is your doing, but give your kids to someone responsible, cause your obviously not. I feel like I am watching a bad movie here where all the girl needed to do was run, but she stood there like an idiot. If I were in your shoes (which would never happen because I have a brain and I use it! ) and I called the police and they went over and had a friendly chat and left, you better believe I would have been calling the police sergeant and asking why a man with a known warrant was just questioned by police and let go. You either didn't tell the cops that he had a warrant or your lying. Cause this just doesn't make sense anymore. I can not believe how angry I am with you right now!!

freaked out · Jul 23, 2007, 01:47 PM

Yes I hear you and I am going to take everyone advice I am just scared that's all I am depressed and totally just confused because I still believe he loves me I know that's something I need to forget about now and I am trying thank you its just when your in love it is so hard... love is a crazy feeling