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poshkrissy · Jul 17, 2007, 12:01 PM

I am 23 years old and have been dating my 32 year old boyfriend for a little over two years. We have a strong relationship and have never had problems, we both are completely committed to each other and willing to work to keep our relationship strong and build it even stronger. I do not want to be a old mother I would also like to be married a certain amount of time before we have kids, I would also like to be engaged at least a year before marriage. So why is it I have different people telling me different things. Some say I am too young and others say take the jump. I am the younger one in the relationship and I feel like I am the one ready for the next step and he isn't. We have looked at rings for the past 6 months and he has told me that I am the one. I just need another prospective to pull me out of this confusion, because I feel like it will never happen. I just don't understand how he can be so relaxed over the situation, I thought if you found the one then you would want to start the rest of your life w/ them and he is 32 so he should be ready to make that commitment I would think. I feel like he is dragging it out.

victoria_mitchell · Jul 17, 2007, 12:16 PM

Well you should express how you feel to him because if this is something that you obviously don't see eye to eye on then in your future there will be things where you're not on the same page as well. You always have to meet in the middle, with any relationship. You want to get married now he's not in any rush then you both come to a high ground and say "3 years" or whatever. Both parties have to be equally excited about such a big/life altering event.

***BUT***
I can also tel you that some Men, Most Men, don't know how to do the whole "Oh My God! This Is SOOOO Exciting!!" there more just happy on the inside. He may be as equally excited as you are but unable to show it as easily as us girls do.

Either way I think you should bring it up with him.

chefcher59 · Jul 17, 2007, 12:38 PM

Are you sure he is single? Hate to ask this but have heard worse... he may have a secret and doesn't want to commit because he's already committed. That age difference make me wonder..?
OR he"s been single so long he's not used to sharing...you may want to go see a marriage counselor before you make the leap...or a minister or anyone who's willing to talk to BOTH of you. ALL of us get caught in a "Rut" and when you are 32 you usually have been used to getting your OWN way it is difficult for you to see things in a different light. He may just be scared and needs some positive reinforcement. Why don't you two go out with a few married couples (who get along great) --let him see how it really is and he'll be ready to make the comminment. New things scare some people... he may be afriad of change. Maybe he saw his folks get divorced and it scares him... or someone else he knows. You should talk to him and see what it is that makes him afraid of the whole commiment deal. If you are truly soulmates you should be able to talk about ANYTHING. If he is wanting to wait too long- maybe you should keep looking... BUT its only been 6 months (? ) since youv'e been discussing marriage. Give it a little time 1-2 years but if he is unwilling after that.. kick 'em to the corner and keep looking- he may never commit. ANd that should tell you something- like he's NOT the one.

poshkrissy · Jul 17, 2007, 12:57 PM

Well, of course he is single we have lived together and shared everything for a while now. He is from Australia and lives here in the states w/ me where he knows no one. So you were wrong about that. Also his parents and my parents are happily married so no emotional scars. I would feel too weird to go to a marriage counselor because we don't have any issues to resolve. We hang out w/ married couples all the time and he is the only one out of all of his friends that is not married. So he has plenty of pressure about that.

chefcher59 · Jul 17, 2007, 08:02 PM

I am glad to hear that. I didn't say just a marriage counselor--do you belong to a church? A lot of times a pastor or minister can help with these types of issues... its worth a shot and also they can help you through rough times and planning weddings/deaths in the families etc.. just another support group for young families. Good luck to you both and hang in there I am sure he loves you to death- You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and very intuitive for a youngster! ( I know I wasn't as smart as you at that age). Maybe he's just wanting to be 100 percent positive he wants to get married and good gracious woman you are still young!! Be patient and have fun with him! Dating and young love is precious and when you get older you will realize this is the best part of a young relationship.. IF he sees how confidant and self-sufficient you are and seem to be- he'll be BEGGING you to marry him before someone else tries to snatch you up! Have a good one!

s_cianci · Jul 21, 2007, 08:58 PM

Just because he is 32 doesn't necessarily mean he is or should be ready to make a marriage commitment. You need to decide for yourself whether you're willing to wait for something that may or may not happen. Nobody can really tell you what to do in this case as there is really no right or wrong response. Decide what feels right to you then go with it.

talaniman · Jul 24, 2007, 10:25 AM

Sit down, and nail a date down, and do the do. If he hollers let him go. If he has commitment issues, that's his problem to deal with. That could take years and why should you wait on maybe?

shygrneyzs · Jul 24, 2007, 12:26 PM

A very good resource to sit down with your boyfriend and read through and discuss is, "Single Wisdom" by Dr. Paris Fenner-Williams. She goes through the relationship and offer advice and guides to couples. Things to ask, things you need to know, etc.