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L-001-06-H · Jul 14, 2007, 06:01 PM

All right... I'm going to give this a shot, I'm going to ask something... my girlfriend lives in another state, my town to hers is roughly a 10 hour drive, and I have one more year of school left... well, her dad doesn't exactly like the idea of her talking to me, so no more cell. She lives a LONG ways away, so no seeing her in person, not yet at least.. I'm going down there (her state) for spring break... well, we can still talk online, but that's about it... we both miss each other so much when we're not able to talk though, and it's hard to sink up when we're both able to be online for a bit... also, I miss her voice so much... it's the only thing that calms me the way it does... well, that's one issue...

Another, is that she's really paranoid that I'm going to just leave her and go chasing after someone else... I'm not. It's hard to explain how I feel, but I'm not ever going to just abandon her like that... we both have trust issues, but we both bonded really fast... and we're really close too... I guess time will tell, but it's a living hell for both of us... she cuts sometimes when she's really feeling hurt, and I worry allot about her, especially because of that... and for her, because she's so afraid that she's going to end up getting hurt again... I'd gladly die for her if I had to, I'm not going to just abandon her... and she thinks that I'll not care about her anymore by the time I go down there, that's not going to happen...

OK, another issue, age difference... she's a little younger than me, not too much, but her dad doesn't like the idea... it's four years... she's been with another guy my age when she was younger, and I have to admit, it scares me a bit... but when I think about it, it's not an issue when people are 8 or 9 years difference and married, I know that's when they're BOTH older, but there's another part to that... her mom (wich she useto live with) was an alcoholic, so she was the 'adult' watching out for her brothers and sister... so she's really mature for her age... anyway, I'll tell, she's almost 14, I'm only 17, so 4 years... anyway, she's completely past this (perhaps because she was with someone who was 17 a while before, so I don't know... me, this makes me feel a little awkward, but I'm prety much over it... mostly. Anyway, her dad REALLY doesn't like the idea... so, if I go down there, I'd not be able to see her that much... she'd have to meet me places, and that means she'd be 'hanging out with friends'... wich gets complicated...

Well, those are the issues at hand, and it's one complicated mess... but we're both willing to try to make it work... but she.. and I have to admit, I am too... we're both prety sure it can't... but we'll try... anyway, if anyone has any ideas on how to deal with any of these issues... I'd be greatfull...

Fr_Chuck · Jul 14, 2007, 06:18 PM

At 14 if her dad says she can not see you, you can't see her. And to be honest at 14 she does not need to be doing anything other than hanging with groups.

stonewilder · Jul 14, 2007, 06:24 PM

The girl is 13 years old! I don't know where you come from but where I come from 13 is jail bait even for a 17 year old. The fact that she cuts herself shows just how immature and screwed up she really is. Her dad would be a fool to let her see you and you are a fool to let yourself get involved with a little girl.

L-001-06-H · Jul 14, 2007, 07:25 PM

Yea... it confuses the crap out of me... and scares me too... problem is, we were talking and such before I found out her age, and I didn't even know until recently... that's the part that scares me... I don't know how to take care of this... I don't know what to say, what to do... even before I found out her age, she said she really liked me before I even let her know I sort of felt the same... that was before... then it came to my attention, and now, I don't know WHAT to do... I don't know weather I'm more confused, scared, or mad (at myself)... why does this even happen? And what do I do?

driven · Jul 14, 2007, 09:14 PM

Let her know that right now a relationship of that nature is not a good idea for either of u... u know because of the legal issue the moral issue an her dad... right now if the feelings are there then respect each other enuff an be friends... best friends even... one day when the time is right if it's meant to be then it will evolve into something else. But right now you need to be a supportive friend...

stonewilder · Jul 15, 2007, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by L-001-06-H

yea... it confuses the crap out of me... and scares me too.... problem is, we were talking and such before i found out her age, and i didn't even know untill recently..... that's the part that scares me.... i don't know how to take care of this.... idk what to say, what to do.... even before i found out her age, she said she really liked me before i even let her know i sort of felt the same... that was before.... then it came to my attention, and now, i don't know WHAT to do.... i don't know weather i'm more confused, scared, or mad (at myself)..... why does this even happen? and what do i do??

You save yourself form more pain and possible jail time by just forgetting her. She started telling you a lie and if she lied about her age what else has she lied about? She is playing a childish game with your heart. FORGET HER!

talaniman · Jul 15, 2007, 11:27 AM

Forget robbing the cradle, and get a female your age, where you can have a fun, healthy relationship with. Stay away from the jailbait. The consequences are not worth it. Fathers tend to be very protective, so you'd be well advised to go elsewhere. Why do I get the impression she is a lot more mature than you are? She has fooled you once, so don't be stupid again.

L-001-06-H · Jul 15, 2007, 06:51 PM

She never lied about age... just didn't realize it until recently, and it was never really brought up... and all the things that we end up takling about weren't really 'brought up', but came up... and something I want to make clear, since I forgot to meantion it earlier... there would be NO 'intercourse', of ANY kind, so legality is not an issue... morally, I'm told and believe it's not a problem, because we connect... but at this point, I'm not sure about all this... and I wasn't even interested in finding anyone in the first place, and to be honest, I'm not quite sure what happened... and I'm not looking for anything to happen, I just have no clue in all this... she's the first person to tell me she was interested that I actually was interested in as well... and I have no idea why I feel the way I do about her, but I'm not sure where this is headed... but for now, it'll be just going places, to do stuff (ie: movies, whatever)... anyway, I'm more worried about how I managed to get into this mess, how come I didn't sense this coming? I seriously thought she was like 17 or 18 or somewhere around there...

stonewilder · Jul 15, 2007, 08:05 PM

jail bate... FORGET HER!

talaniman · Jul 15, 2007, 08:17 PM

anyway, I'm more worried about how I managed to get into this mess, how come I didn't sense this coming? I seriously thought she was like 17 or 18 or somewhere around there...

Now that you know the truth do the right thing, and leave her alone and spare everyone especially you, a lot of drama and confusion.

She cuts sometimes when she's really feeling hurt, and I worry allot about her,

She has deep issues you can't even dream of helping with, but you can cause a lot of damage to an already fragile person.

L-001-06-H · Jul 15, 2007, 09:11 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Now that you know the truth do the right thing, and leave her alone and spare everyone especially you, a lot of drama and confusion.

She has deep issues you can't even dream of helping with, but you can cause a lot of damage to an already fragile person.

Already here... I'm currently trying to sort through it, and I've decided, that it'll basically, just be going places, talking, and such, that it's only confusion... but allot of it... but in a few years, it'll be less of a deal...

As for the cutting, believe me, I've seen some things, and I've known some people. That's the LEAST of my worries. And at this point, all it is is a bad habbit, left over from past issues...

talaniman · Jul 15, 2007, 09:21 PM

but her dad doesn't like the idea...

If your confused now wait until Dad steps in. What are you going to do when he says your not going anywhere with his daughter? Will she have to lie to be with you? Sneak out the house? Think before you do all that sneaky stuff. Your one of those arrogant immature types, that think they know what they are doing, and you know nothing. If you did you wouldn't be confused.

L-001-06-H · Jul 15, 2007, 09:24 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If your confused now wait until Dad steps in. What are you gonna do when he says your not going anywhere with his daughter?? Will she have to lie to be with you? Sneak out the house? Think before you do all that sneaky stuff. Your one of those arrogant immature types, that think they know what they are doing, and you know nothing. If you did you wouldn't be confused.

I know a bit about what I'm doing, but I agree, confusion = not knowing everything. I'm more conerned about how to attempt to explain it to him, and talk to him about it... if/WHEN anything goes anywhere serious (still, NOT sexual, but relationship wise) in a year or two...

Nohitter410 · Jul 15, 2007, 09:53 PM

Originally Posted by L-001-06-H

i know a bit about what i'm doing, but i agree, confusion = not knowing everything. i'm more conerned about how to attempt to explain it to him, and talk to him about it.... if/WHEN anything goes anywhere serious (still, NOT sexual, but relationship wise) in a year or two.......

Why come on here if you are not going to listen to a word anyone says? Despite people's attempts to voice their opinions you have not done anything to show you are listening. You just want us to tell you what you are doing is OK and how her father will like you and understand. I would be surprised if you two make it a year or two, you will be in prison.

There are 6 billion people in this world, so about 3 billion women and 3 billion men and you decide to choose a girl that is 13 years old and hasn't a clue about what life truly is. Regardless of you not knowing her age because it never came up is irrelevant, the law is what it is and if the father chooses to press charges you will be in prison. AND FYI, sex isn't the only way to end up there, you can go there for doing other things too. She isn't old enough to make informed decision and someone who is legally an adult, you will not be taken lightly.

I do have some questions. What kinds of things does she bring to the table for you in this so called relationship? You never see her, you only can talk to her online. Why can't she just be your friend because that really is all she is. You are being naïve to think this is a relationship. You could be talking to a 40 year old man online and you wouldn't even know it. THere is no replacement for physical and face to face communication. I just don't understand why at 17 and soon to be going off to college you would want this. You need some help and you aren't a bad person, you are allowed to be attractive to women and you know even girls that young can be attractive to you but why try to start something then put time tables out there.

IF YOU Aren't GOING TO LISTEN... LEAVE THE SITE AND WRITE FROM JAIL BECAUSE YOU WILL BE THERE SOON.

talaniman · Jul 15, 2007, 09:58 PM

If she lies about where she is going and dad finds out then you are contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

L-001-06-H · Jul 15, 2007, 09:59 PM

Wich I won't do.

L-001-06-H · Jul 15, 2007, 10:03 PM

And I'm not doing anything that's going to jeprodise anything, just 'friends' as you said for now... as far as things go, referring to going places, and such... as far as how things get treated, 'jsut friends'. It's hard to explain it... basically, nice and slow. REALLY slow.

I realize a few other things too, and I can tell you I know that she's not a 40 year old guy, and we useto talk on the phone all the time... and the distance is temporary, so to speak...

As for not listening, all you're saying is that you see it as too big a gap. I asked more than just that. And I was asking what everyone thought, got what I needed, and used the information I gathered to form a solution. So there is a point. And, "FYI" I was asking elswhere too, so I can gather information and oppinions from elswhere as well, for the best basis for formulating a solution.

By the way, anyone else have any ideas for the other 2 issues not yet even touched?

AKaeTrue · Jul 15, 2007, 10:11 PM

Originally Posted by L-001-06-H

i know a bit about what i'm doing, but i agree, confusion = not knowing everything. i'm more conerned about how to attempt to explain it to him, and talk to him about it.... if/WHEN anything goes anywhere serious (still, NOT sexual, but relationship wise) in a year or two.......

Perhaps in a year or two, the situation will be different.

I believe the group is just trying to warn you of the sticky situation you may be getting yourself into.

Here's just a little something to be weary of:
It's been my experience when young girls seek out the attention of older males (or just males in general) it is because of a lousy past.
They are trying to fill a void in their life by seeking approval and attention from the opposite sex in a manner that's not appropriate for their age - if that makes any sense.

It's usually due to emotional issues from a wide variety of causes.
You might be looking at it as a friendship, a person to hang out with, or someone to talk to right now, but she may be viewing you as her source of happiness and "her whole reason for living" type thing.
This "seeking" of attention can turn manipulative and can potentially cause big problems, stress and drama for all involved.

You may not be the first person this has happened with.
Could be why the father is so against a long distance friendship in the first place.
Again, just something to look out for - protect yourself from her possible intentions...

L-001-06-H · Jul 15, 2007, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

Perhaps in a year or two, the situation will be different.

I believe the group is just trying to warn you of the sticky situation you may be getting yourself into.

Here's just a little something to be weary of:
It's been my experience when young girls seek out the attention of older males (or just males in general) it is because of a lousy past.
They are trying to fill a void in their life by seeking approval and attention from the opposite sex in a manner that's not appropriate for their age - if that makes any sense.

It's usually due to emotional issues from a wide variety of causes.
You might be looking at it as a friendship, a person to hang out with, or someone to talk to right now, but she may be viewing you as her source of happiness and "her whole reason for living" type thing.
This "seeking" of attention can turn manipulative and can potentially cause big problems, stress and drama for all involved.

You may not be the first person this has happened with.
Could be why the father is so against a long distance friendship in the first place.
Again, just something to look out for - protect yourself from her possible intentions...

OK, this was verry insightfull... and it does make allot of sense... how can I tell if that's what this is? If it is... then it's done, no doubt about that, I won't let something like that happen, and it is a VERRY 'stickey situation', as you put it... there are hundreds of guys down there, where she lives, and so many more out there where she doesn't live... and I don't know why she chose me... but at the same time, I agree, that is VERRY likely... is there a way to tell? You did say usually...

AKaeTrue · Jul 15, 2007, 10:53 PM

What brought this particular situation to my attention were some of the statements you made:

An example of her manipulating you is

She's really paranoid that I'm going to just leave her and go chasing after someone else..

An example of you being manipulated is

it's hard to explain how I feel, but I'm not ever going to just abandon her like that...

_____________________________

An example of her manipulating you is

she cuts sometimes when she's really feeling hurt

An example of you being manipulated is

I worry allot about her, especially because of that... and for her, because she's so afraid that she's going to end up getting hurt again... I'd gladly die for her if I had to, I'm not going to just abandon her... and she thinks that I'll not care about her anymore by the time I go down there, that's not going to happen...

Those are warning signs...
Does that make sense to you?