Check out some similar questions!

questions1956 · Jul 13, 2007, 10:13 AM

I am currently separated from my wife of 20 years. We've been separated almost 2 years. I've been trying to get her to commit to getting back together. Her response is that she doesn't know if I'll leave her again. There was no infidelity on my part the entire marriage. I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. So we split while my last daughter was a senior in HS. Now she is a sophomore in college and we need to decide if its going to work or not. She travels with her job the entire week then is back in town on the weekends. She seems to being doing her own thing and when I see her on the weekend she doesn't act like she's glad to see me. We live in separate places. Every now and then we'll have sex but it seems its just to satisfy her needs when we do. She seldom calls me while she's out of town. After I have sex I always think we are on the path to working out out differences but she resorts back to her unappreciative state soon afterwards. What should I do? I'm tired of putting off giving someone else a chance when I thinks there's a possibility that we might get back together. Am I being naïve? When other women meet or see me they drool. I'm very handsome , 6'4" and athletically built. But my wife acts as though I'm 4'11" 300 lbs. She shows no appreciation for my looks, intelligence etc. She continuelly says if the other women think you are so great why don't you date them. I can't tell if she means it or waiting for a reaction from me. I'm tired of being taken for granted. What do you suggest?

self_lnflicted_hell · Jul 17, 2007, 07:28 AM

Find someone that will appreciate all of you, not just your good looks :) If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Something happened with her feelings toward you and you can't make her get them back. It would be up to her. But don't waste your life waiting. You don't have to run out and try to get the first woman that notices you. Just have fun, enjoy your life, things happen for a reason, even if it can't be explained. I know it's hard and I know it hurts, but eventually, everything will be OK, just give it time :)

s_cianci · Jul 21, 2007, 09:08 PM

You no doubt hurt her when you left. I'm sure she's built a wall so that she doesn't get hurt again. I can't say at this point whether you were justified in leaving her. You say you feel as though you're "taken for granted." I'm sure that can be quite frustrating. But your post also sounds a little narcisstic when you tout yourself as "handsome, 6-4, athletically built, etc.", then complain that she "shows no appreciation for your looks." If you're wanting to be placed on a pedestal and be worshipped by her from below, then that's wrong, in which case you have no right to complain that you're being "taken for granted." Without more concrete knowledge of the situation it's hard to give you a more definite answer. Maybe some open, heartfelt communication with your wife will do the trick.

Inspired · Jul 21, 2007, 09:32 PM

I think you should date other women. Its been two years.

METERRE · Jul 21, 2007, 10:18 PM

If you really feel she doesn't appreciate you even when you guys are still being intimate, then I suggest you do the same and mind your business. Meaning that focus on what you need. Feed your real needs by yourself... take time to discover what you should really be appreciated for other than being handsome and loving her and giving her sex. What are your internal values? Do you really love her for who she is? Do you appreciate yourself... and her?? What do you think is the most probable reason for her to act like she does? Are you seriously concerned for her feelings about the separation??
And many other questions you have to ask yourself and discover about your relationship with yourself and with her. Most importantly with yourself.
But for now I suggest that you do not give her anymore intimacy and try to speak to her from your heart and tell her what you just told us, and your deeper feelings.
She'll probably at least attempt to understand where you're coming from and try to give you her point of view... which is also important. Any information she can give you about what you might or might've done wrong can be extremely helpful in order for you to help yourself.
Anyway Good Luck from the heart.

Topmodel · Jul 22, 2007, 05:49 AM

I hate to say this but, date the other women. She'll eventually get jealous because that's how some women are. Not all. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with your dates.

If she gets mad at you for dating, Hell, she's the one that told you to do it even though she didn't really mean it.

Another thing is she could have someone else and that's why she really doesn't care. My friend is going through that same thing now. If I was you I would even pretend like I'm going on a date and just go somewhere and chill by myself. Go catch a movie. Maybe she'll appreciate you when it looks as if you're moving on. She'll come crawling back drooling.lmao

silentecho13 · Jul 22, 2007, 02:40 PM

Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice

talaniman · Jul 24, 2007, 10:10 AM

You obviously have a problem talking and listening to each other and all kinds of resentments and bad feelings have built over years I would guess. Since neither of you has THOUGHT of counseling or acted on your own with professional help, your both wasting each others time. If neither has made a move to at least try, then get a lawyer and end this farce. Sorry but from what you wrote there is not enough willingness, to even COMMUNICATE with each other, to solve your issues so you may as well, Divorce, and I don't take telling you this lightly, and if I'm wrong in my assumptions please fill in the blanks.