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CFarrish822 · Jul 11, 2005, 11:23 AM

Hello! I just recently found out from a friend that the reason why my marriage is not working out is because my husband and I are not "equally yoked." Doing research on this in the Bible, it says for a woman/man not to marry an unbeliever. I'm the believer, my husband is not, but it is not his fault. His parents did not make a spiritual environment in their house for him. He did not grow up learning about God and did not go to Church. I think with a little time I can teach him to become a Believer. Should I give him that chance knowing that I'm taking a chance that my marriage will suffer if he does not become the Believer. What should I do. Before I married my husband I did not know that he was an unbeliever. Should I divorce, should I help him in believing the Word of God? Am I living in Sin?

NeedKarma · Jul 11, 2005, 12:15 PM

Sounds like you need a quick and easy answer as to why your marriage is not working out - but this isn't it. I walk down the street here and see many happy couples where only one spouse is a "believer" and the other one couldn't care less. If faith in a religion is such a strong trait that you seek in a mate why did you choose that man to be your husband? How could you not know or see any signs that he wasn't a "believer"? What did you guy do on Sundays?? It's exactly the same as an athletic outdoor-sy type woman marrying an unathletic sloth who sits on a couch all day.

And no, you will not teach him to be a believer. I always thought good christians accepted others as they are. Your mentioning of divorce is quite funny actually.

Remember the golden rule and apply it.

wzartv · Jul 11, 2005, 12:18 PM

I am young, so therefore not experienced in marriage. But, being a Christian person, I truly believe the best thing God would want you to do would be to do everything you can to bring your husband to the Lord - that is what God wants you to do. The best thing in my opinion to help him and to help yourself is to bring him to the Lord. Talk to your minister (or religious leader) about what you can possibly do and perhaps your church has some sort of counseling that can help you both work out the situation. After all, the Bible says "you are to be fishers of men" meaning that one of our Christian duties is to bring those who do not believe to the Lord and help them realize God's love.

I hope the best for your marriage. God Bless.

jduke44 · Jul 11, 2005, 07:35 PM

I think wzartv and needkarma is correct. You may not teach him to be a believer but as wzartv says you need to do everything you can to bring your husband to the Lord. Many ways I can suggest is is to be a Proverbs 31 woman (please reas that). When we talk about being unevenly yoked Paul also talks about when a spouse comes to the Lord after being married. He says to not nag the other one. I will paraphrase it and say "don't nag your husband into submission to the Lord". Let the Holy Spirit work on him. One question NeedKarma asked about "what you guys did on Sundays" brings an interesting point. If you haven't gone to church on a regular basis try getting bak into that. Please, go to a bible believing church and do talk to your pastor(or whatever he is labeled). Was it a mistake to marry an unbelieving perosn? Maybe. God still ordains your marriage and wants you to try to keep it together until your husband chooses to leave (that is scripture, the reference escapes me). You have to ask yourself "does he deserve that chance to know the Lord?" I think he does because everyone does. Your marriage will not suffer if you do the right thing. Again, give opportunities for him to get to know the Lord but also don't become a nag about it. In God's timing he will come. Pray for him. I hope this helps.

wzartv · Jul 11, 2005, 08:46 PM

Thanks jduke44, you were able to explain what I was saying with Scripture... I was unable to do that at the moment I gave the response... thanks for your voice also!

tjr · Aug 24, 2005, 09:38 AM

Jduke44 I thought your answer was well thought out and very kind.
Paul's answer in this and the pepsi forum however are the reason there is so much strife in the world.Peoples belief in God are great but to take these
Too extreme is wrong.
I believe in God. I do not believe in most of the bible
Do you really think that an all powerful God would be so demanding of his followers that you would burn in hell if you worked on the sabath,or do you
Think he would think that your doing all you can to provide for your family?
Do you think he condoned stoning for infractions of the rules,how about
The bibles treatment of women as second class citizens?
There seems to be conflickting info about God in the bible,on one hand
He is the kindly father figure all forgiving and understanding and on the other hand he is vengefull and spitefull.
I think I know why, MAN,men wrote the bible, men inforced God's Will ,
Mainly to keep themselves in power
Why after all Jesus saw and did is there only one reference of him losing
His temper,gambling in the house of god. For all else,whoring killing stealing
He fogave
So who in hell gave any of you the right to condem me or anyone else for
Anything!!
I think that when all is said and done you will be the one that God puts in the special Ed class for religious re-education

wzartv · Aug 24, 2005, 09:52 AM

Amen to that.

NeedKarma · Aug 24, 2005, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by tjr

paul's answer in this and the pepsi forum however are the reason there is so much strife in the world.Peoples belief in God are great but to take these
too extreme is wrong.

Paul is just a troll trying to get responses. We've seen him here before under different names. A sad lonely boy.

STONY · Sep 13, 2005, 07:03 AM

May I direct your attention to 1 cor. 7:13? There are a few things that God really hates, divorce is one of them. I would not even consider it at this time.
Please look at Acts 11:14 & 16:31.

kelml · Sep 13, 2005, 09:35 AM

I completely agree with Stony about divorce; it is NOT the answer. I was also in a marriage for years where my husband was the unbeliever and I was the believer. I tried the normal "fleshly" approaches trying to MAKE my husband believe, tyring to GUILT him into believing, etc. This only made him move further from receiving his soul salvation. I then ran across a site called Restore Ministries. It teaches the bibilical priniciples that we (the wives) are to win our husbands over "without a word." In summay, the biblical advice is this - pray without ceasing for your husband's salvation. Then accept him as he is, continue to love him without judgement, live in the will of God... and God will take care of your husband. I know this to be true. My husband was saved this past April. This does not mean that we don't continue to find areas where we are unequally yoked; it just means that we both know where to go to find resolution to our daily challenges. We go to our Heavenly Father. Good luck. http://www.restoreministries.net/

STONY · Sep 14, 2005, 06:48 AM

The Word Does Work And You Just Proved It By Your Testimony.
Be Blessed... stony

Morganite · Sep 14, 2005, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by CFarrish822

Hello! I just recently found out from a friend that the reason why my marriage is not working out is because my husband and I are not "equally yoked." Doing research on this in the Bible, it says for a woman/man not to marry an unbeliever. I'm the believer, my husband is not, but it is not his fault. His parents did not make a spiritual environment in their house for him. He did not grow up learning about God and did not go to Church. I think with a little time I can teach him to become a Believer. Should I give him that chance knowing that I'm taking a chance that my marriage will suffer if he does not become the Believer. What should I do. Before I married my husband I did not know that he was an unbeliever. Should I divorce, should I help him in believing the Word of God? Am I living in Sin?

Of course you are not living in sin. You are living in legal wedlock with the man you fell in love with. You must have known about the differences between your faiths when you married him, so why should it suddenly become an issue? If as you say, you didn't know he was anunbeliever before the wedding ceremony, then you didn't know him well enough to marry him. But you DID marry him, and it is your Christian duty to do what you can to make your marriage work. Don't put all the responsibility onto your husband's shoulders. That is neither honest or fair.

As long as each of you respect the position of the other, then your marriage will work, provided that you are both mature enough to make it work.

If you have to be told by "a friend" the reason for your troubles in marriage, then perhaps you married too young and with too little experience of life and problem solving.

Ge trid of your "friend" and ask your husband what he sees as the major difficulties you have, and then sit down and work out ways to resolve them. Better still, see a marriage guidance counsellor together, and stay with it.

Perhaps you are seeking a way out of this marriage, in which case you should be Christian enough to say so. If not, you should be Christian enough to work at it.

Marriage is a serious business and it requires commitment at a mature level from both partners. One partner cannot tell the other that they will stay if he does this or that. That is blackmail. It's a dirty word, but it's a dirtier action.

Love your husband, work out your problems like millions of other couples do, and send your friend as far away as possible. You might need to attend a different church. One that has more human understanding and can be of more help to you.

I wish you and your husband all the best.

MORGANITE

Starman · Apr 23, 2006, 08:42 PM

It's better to judge each person on his own merits according to how the person behaves than to put too much faith in religious tags. Religious tags are very easy to assume and to cast off. As a matter of fact, I have seen some individuals assume the Christian tag just to marry a particular person and then after marriage the tag is taken off and divorce easily follows and the person shows no further interest in either religion or God. Others retain the Christian tag but that's as far as it goes since their behavior within the marriage is anything but Christian. So professed same faith is definitely no guarantee.

However, we definitely are counseled to marry only in the Lord. Which of course means marrying someone who genuinely believes what we believe and not simply one who professes.

BTW

I totally agree with the posters who have counseled you to try to find a way to save the marriage. The only basis that the NT provides for divorce is sexual infidelity. It does allow separation when other serious sins are involved.

Mathew 19
9And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. KJV

31pumpkin · Apr 23, 2006, 10:23 PM

To CFarrish:

I knew a couple of women like this. And guess what? I'm another one. My husband & I have been married 20 yrs. I was saved before I met him. He's a christian by birth, but he's not saved. ( Unless you count the time a few months ago when I forced him- but I don't know if that really counts) Anyway, the pastor at my former church said that the wife can actually "believe for the whole family"
I find that true but I think we would have all the more blessings if he would at least confess Jesus in a more humble way. Also, I have prayed for him to be saved over the years. He's changed a little about" religion". I don't want to brag because I know WHO gave me what I have,know, love but husband realizes from my example what is good or better in life. He's not totally immune!
So I think prayer should help you. And just go about your business and let him hear you PRAISE GOD or Thank you JESUS loud enough to let him know the reason for your good fortune and happiness!
Good Luck!

fredg · Apr 24, 2006, 05:03 AM

Hi,
The answer before this one is very good.
I have known many marriages in which one partner does not practice religious beliefs, and the other does... attending church every week, etc, without the partner.
It's up to the individuals in any marriage whether they want to strive to make it work, or destroy it through Divorce.

Morganite · Apr 24, 2006, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by 31pumpkin

To CFarrish:

I knew a couple of women like this. And guess what? I'm another one. My husband & I have been married 20 yrs. I was saved before I met him. He's a christian by birth, but he's not saved. ( Unless you count the time a few months ago when I forced him- but I don't know if that really counts) Anyway, the pastor at my former church said that the wife can actually "believe for the whole family"
I find that true but I think we would have all the more blessings if he would at least confess Jesus in a more humble way. Also, I have prayed for him to be saved over the years. He's changed a little about" religion". I don't want to brag because I know WHO gave me what I have,know, love but husband realizes from my example what is good or better in life. He's not totally immune!
So I think prayer should help you. And just go about your business and let him hear you PRAISE GOD or THANKYOU JESUS loud enough to let him know the reason for your good fortune and happiness!
Good Luck!

1 Corinthians 7:12
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

1 Corinthians 7:13
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1 Corinthians 7:14
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1 Corinthians 7:15
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

1 Corinthians 7:16
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?

M:)RGANITE

STONY · Apr 24, 2006, 07:27 AM

I THINK THIS IS THE ANSWER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. 1 COR. 7:12

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 24, 2006, 10:57 AM

Hello, so what did you do, wake up one day and decide to marry the first man who walked by?? (did not know he was not a Christian before you were married) did you all never talk, discuss how you would live, how about go to church together on Sunday mornings or Saturday night. I am sorry if you rushed into a marriage without even knowing his religion, you have a lot more problems that that.

Next Ok, you are in a marriage and he is not a Christian, if that really was such an issue it would have been a big issue when you were dating also.
Lets not try to blame religion on a marriage not working.

So now you are not happy, he is not happy, you have to work and give and take and make it work. Go to marriage counseling, it really helps.

Next him being a non christian still does not give you any right to leave or separate under the bible, you are still to be the wife the bible requires regardless in hope that he will be saved though your actions.

Sorry If I came down to hard, but after 1 day with a person I know normally their religion, if they really go and believe, their stand on abortion, gay rights and if they like the Mets or not. Marriage is far to seroius to get into with out a lot of discussion about life.

NeedKarma · Apr 24, 2006, 11:04 AM

Wow, your 3rd degree grilling on the first date must not have gotten you many second dates. :D Wait a minute, you dated? A Father?

Hypatia · Apr 24, 2006, 11:53 AM

The main question is How important is your husbands religious preferences to you? Does it bother you to no end? Or can you understand it for what it is, simply who your husband is. You cannot force upon your husband your beliefs or thinking. He is not broken, you should not try to fix him.
If you look to the scripture I am sure you will find things in support of the situation urging you to convert him and things saying he isnt the one, whatever. If you look for it, you will find whatever you need to back up whatever you feel. The bible has an answer for everything it seems, and not always in a good way.
You can take the advise of a christian or a non believer. But who you should be listening to is your husband and yourself. Do you love him? Are you happy? If this is really an issue I think you screwed up! If you were always a die hard christian then how could you marry someone who would never meet your standards?
Divorce is an option that you shouldnt let your beliefs get in the way of. Better to have a chance at a happy life than work on a dead relationship until you both are backed into a corner trying to be happy.
You need to sit and talk to your husband as soon as possible. Explain to him your thoughts and work through them. I am almost positive he will say what I am saying, If this was such a big deal, why marry im in the first place???!
You will either learn to get over this or you will split. These kind of things usually disturb a marriage to a point of no return. Do not hold this in if you wish to keep your relationship.
But remember, God has no religion. To force another person to adopt yours is unloving, unjust and unfair. Conversion is not love, it is forcing someone to obey a side of God they do not relate too. Everyone holds God within. They only express it differently than others.

Hypatia