[mustard_seed]

Well Three cheers for sweet revenge on the men that do that for the wrong reasons!

For the wrong reason? Please tell us what YOU THINK are the RIGHT reasons. :confused:

[mustard_seed]

How is it possible to give a person advice who cannot reason IN THEIR OWN MINDS that what they are involved in (of their own free will) is to their detriment? What good can come out of having a sexual relationship with a liar & cheat? How it possible to trust someone you have ALLOWED into your life who has such low morals. He can only offer you what is left over after his wife gets her share. Believe me, if another woman don't want it, neither do I! If you knew her, could talk to her one on one, she would tell you all about the whys and why nots. She has a rich history of living with this man--you only see him when his wife makes it available for him to get away. If he was to tell you the truth, he most likely will say that you are only for now and that's it. Your 'relationship' will last forever ONLY if he can continue to drop by, hit the booty and bounce.

[mustard_seed]

The main attraction is this: Because he has a life & family outside of the mess going on with you, he isn't able to see you on a regular basis. By the time the two of you are able to be alone there is an element of excitement caused by the hidden (secret) desire to have sex with someone who is willing to have casual sex and allow him to get up and leave afterwards without much drama.

At home is where all the drama lives. It's called: responsibility--which he has none with you. The one or few dollars he leaves on the nightstand is less than what a professional would charge. Men love cutting cost on expensive purchases. Ask any car dealership.

You are on your own, alone, lonely and desperately needy.

All the things his wife has, you also want but are not willing or intelligent enough to do what is required--hard work. It's very difficult to maintain a marriage and especially now that women are calling themselves and others bi***es and wh****s and living lifestyles that match their new trashy titles.

[mustard_seed]

You people amaze me with your close mindedness.

Here are a couple of situations for you:

My sister, a good woman who did everything she could to make her marriage last, counseling--the whole nine yard--is in the middle of a divorce. A VERY nasty divorce. The divorce proceedings have thus far lasted 2 years, with at LEAST another year of negotiating before things get final. The main reason it's taking so long? they have 5 kids, and both want full custody of them. My sister left when he lost his temper and beat her bloody. she waited until he left for work, packed a bag for each of the kids, grabbed her purse, and ran like hell.

2 years is a LONG time, especially when your relationship was dead long before then. My sister started spending time with groups of friends she'd had before marriage, and found that a male friend of hers was very supportive. She didnt' leave her marriage for this other guy, and she's still technically married to her husband. After 2 years of renewed friendship (she's known this new guy since she was 12), they've started dating.

Technically, she's cheating on her husband. Will you condemn her because all cheating is cheating?

2nd scenario:

Before my husband and I were married, we'd been living together. At one point in time, he got wrapped up in a computer game, and I felt for several months that I was taken for granted. No sex, no thank you for dinner, no help with housework, no going out....I was just another body in the house. No matter what I tried, I couldn't get my relationship back on track. Another guy came into this situation and swept me off my feet, giving me attention, and compliments, and making me feel sexy for the first time in a very long time. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed. I regretted it the minute it was done, and told my boyfriend about it. It nearly destroyed our relationship, but we were both willing to fight for it, and he's never EVER taken me for granted again.

People are HUMAN. They make mistakes. It's as much (or MORE) the married person's fault as it is the person who is strung along by them.

Just remember---karma works. The condemnation you feel for someone whose situation you judge without attempting to understand will come back to you, when someone condemns you for a decision you make to try to be happy in your own life.

There is no lawful difference between being married and/or separated. The period of separation is called 'litigation'.

What is 'litigation'?
"A controversy before a court or a "lawsuit" is commonly referred to as “litigation”. If it is not settled by agreement between the parties it would eventually be heard and decided by a judge or jury in a court. Litigation is one way that people and companies resolve disputes arising out of an infinite variety of factual circumstances.

The term "litigation" is sometimes to distinguish lawsuits from “alternate dispute resolution” methods such as "arbitration" in which a private arbitrator would make the decision, or “mediation” which is a type of structured meeting with the parties and an independent third party who works to help them fashion an agreement among themselves."

The trouble here is at any time, the two parties can and sometimes do decide to return to living under the same roof to reunite in marriage. Happens all the time.

[Synnen]

Any particular reason a 9 month old post dragged back to the surface?

[mustard_seed]

From what I understand... unless they are removed, they can all circulate, right? Is it upsetting you & why?

[shatteredsoul]

Condemnation and judgments come in many ways and many forms. Everyone has the right to talk about any subject, as long as it is still an open thread. Maybe the subject was interesting to the reader and thus, began talking about it again. Either way, this is why they leave old posts on the site. I have seen very GOOD POSTs, including mine, disappear for NO valid reason whatsover. I have seen stupid ones that stay on here for months.

I guess if you don't want people responding to it, than close the thread. Otherwise, what difference does it make that someone responded to it? Maybe pointing out the close mindedness is part of the process of learning. Moreover, it is critical to realize the fact that no one can really determine what is right or wrong for someone else, it is a mere difference in perspective. It is all part of the awareness that comes from listening to other people's advice. Whether someone takes the advice or doesn't, shouldn't determine if you should give it. If they are interested in another perspective, that alone is reason to give advice, what they do with it, is their choice.

[startover22]

I for one thought this thread helped me realize things that I hadn't before. I learned a lot form the first post to the last.;) (goodness was I really that close minded?)No matter how old advice is, it is still useful!

[donf]

Hold on for a moment of levity.

I'm married and I don't date married men.

I do however continue to date the Lady I married. I know that's got to be allowed!

[jayla jean]

Too everyone that feels sorry for the wife that got cheated on...
What if it was a different situation as to where the wife allowed her husband to go out and date other girls? Would that be her fault then?
I say it is.. she brought on herself! She asked for it. Why would any wife let there husband date other women? She actually thought that someone would not steal him away from her... WHAT about THAT situation so the other girl is at fault then? Or is it the dumb wife that thought it was okay!

[mustard_seed]

Have you bumped your head or what? All that YOU 'know' is coming from THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND!! You have not had a conversation with this man's wife, right? How can YOU be so-o-o very, very stupid as to believe that liar is beyond me. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on--not even you! But you 'ALLOW' this man to live with his wife and use YOU. Yep, that's right! You have opened your door and your legs to a liar and a cheat and have the nerve to say that his wife is at fault. What's wrong with you is this: you are not conscience to the fact that you are being used, not aware of the 'games' me play, have no life experiences other that the mess you have created for yourself and YOU have NO MORALS (morality means a code of conduct held to be authoritative in matters of right and wrong). You are walking around with possible infections from this man who has sex with trashy women (such as yourself). Don't think you are the only or fist this man has set up (temporary) house with--that's impossible. It's plain to see that this is the way he has chosen to live and it has become just a habit for him now. After you, there will be others. Question: How many were before you? Don't worry, we'll all wait for your answer... Take your time--he is. You'll wake one morning old, fat, alone, with kids all from different men and still be stupid, wondering what happened to/with your youth. His wife will wake with death benefits after he dies from some unknown STD.

[Synnen]

This thread is over a year old.

Since you can't be civil, it should be closed.

[mustard_seed]

I agree with Pook!

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

Have you bumped your head or what? All that YOU 'know' is coming from THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND!!! ...

Can I just ask which post this is a response to... or is it just an open rant? :confused:

[mustard_seed]

Can I just ask which post this is a response to ... or is it just an open rant? :confused:

My response was posted in the wrong area. Now... What, why and the how's of posting and responses DO NOT HAVE TO PLEASE ANY OF YOU. Civil? If you don't like it, don't read it. Treat it like cable tv--select to your own comfort. The topic is: "For all those dating married men..." Why expect anything differently. Unpleasant topic, unpleasant retort.:confused:

[mustard_seed]

Can I just ask which post this is a response to ... or is it just an open rant? :confused:

No. An open rant is the signature you chose.

[donf]

To all,

This is real easy to stop.

First, Married Men, pony up and be truthful. If you are about to go out on a date, ask your wife for permission. If she say yes, no problem. If you are afraid to ask, then you already know the answer.

Women, if for some silly reason you feel the need to jeopardize a marriage, call the wife, if she gives you her permission, no problem. If you are afraid to ask the question, you know the answer.

People know how they should behave. I don't understand why anyone would find it necessary to put a stranger in a position where her whole life could be wrecked because of an itch. What did the wife do to deserve this treatment?

I've been married 43 years now and I still have no desire to find another female. I'm confused enough with the lady I have. Besides, she has told me numerous times it is fine with her providing I get my autopsy prior to dating.

I think that's a NO!

[Synnen]

My best friend from college recently called me.

She was sobbing.

Turns out that the guy she'd been seeing, the first guy she'd had the guts to date after her divorce, is actually still married. He TOLD her that he was divorced. She'd gone to his apartment several times, and it was pretty obviously a bachelor pad--single bed, one toothbrush, only beer and ketchup in the fridge, etc.

It took me over a week to convince her to walk away from this guy, because he really cared about her, and she about him (her words, not mine). It finally took the fact that if he'd really cared about her, he would have been honest with her from the beginning to get her to walk away from this guy.

So--MY point here is that stop harping on the poor women who most of the time don't even KNOW that he's married when they get involved with him because he's a lying cheat to begin with.

How about harping on the guys that don't believe they're doing anything wrong to begin with, and who CONTINUE to lie and finagle to keep their mistress (I'm not sleeping with my wife, we're divorcing, she hates me, we're only together because of the kids, etc etc etc) and who emotionally blackmail to keep her around instead of the women who were duped to begin with and then have the choice of hurting ONCE because he lied to him, or hurting DOUBLE that because he lied AND they're breaking up.

[talaniman]

If he comes here we will!!

[JudyKayTee]

The main attraction is this: Because he has a life & family outside of the mess going on with you, he isn't able to see you on a regular basis. By the time the two of you are able to be alone there is an element of excitement caused by the hidden (secret) desire to have sex with someone who is willing to have casual sex and allow him to get up and leave afterwards without much drama.

At home is where all the drama lives. It's called: responsibility--which he has none with you. The one or few dollars he leaves on the nightstand is less than what a professional would charge. Men love cutting cost on expensive purchases. Ask any car dealership.

You are on your own, alone, lonely and desperately needy.

All the things his wife has, you also want but are not willing or intelligent enough to do what is required--hard work. It's very difficult to maintain a marriage and especially now that women are calling themselves and others bi***es and wh****s and living lifestyles that match their new trashy titles.

I'm getting into this late - I'd be curious about your experience. Here's mine: I'm an investigator for a number of law firms. I HATE matrimonial surveillances but I do them. Here's what I have learned about affairs (not one night stands) from interviews and conducting surveillances and I'm quoting myself here, from another board where I post):

"The reasons given to me are:

1. Attention, validation, understanding, conversation, desire to prove you're still attractive, boredom - and that goes for both men and women. The husband becomes the provider and father, wrapped up in a career, and the wife is ignored; the wife becomes the caretaker for the children and home and the husband moves to second or third place on her list. Either one finds what they feel they need from a third party.

2. For men, abuse of power and/or control - these men usually have a relationship with someone younger, someone in a position involving less education and authority. I'm sure it occurs with women in the workplace, too, but I have personally never seen it.

For women, attracted by power and/or control, oftentimes the financial benefits of a relationship with a successful, perhaps well known, man - these women pursue Physicians, politicians. There are also women attracted to sports figures and police officers.

(You refer to one or two dollars on the nightstands - those women are prostitutes. I am talking about affairs.)

3. Psychological implications - such as a need for excitement, a need to prove you can attract a much younger partner.

4. Revenge - he/she cheated and now it's the other party's turn to get even.

5. I have seen a couple of homosexual relationships involving a party in a straight marriage.

6. I have seen a couple of relationships that were deliberate and open, an attempt to push the other partner into filing for divorce or separation.

Sex is always very far down on the list."

I have NEVER understood why a woman becomes enraged at the woman having an affair with her husband and the other party becomes enraged at the wife - both of them often totally overlook the man. To the wife (or husband, either party can stray) I say: "That other woman owed you nothing. She never made a promise or vow to you. She did not destroy your family. Your family was destroyed by your husband who betrayed you. If it had not been this 'other woman,' it would have been someone else."

I work on the road all the time and I don't hear women referring to themselves as es and whores but I'm sure it happens. Maybe I just don't travel in those circles. I don't know.

I was married and I'm now a widow. My husband was a very attractive, well established man, in the public eye, and I know women approached him (once right in front of me!) - and I honestly never once thought in terms of him cheating on me. Maybe I'm not easily threatened or maybe I just knew that my husband was a man of integrity and he kept his promises. We never joked about adultery. In fact, we never TALKED about adultery. We made promises. We took vows.