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Pook_Myster · Jul 8, 2007, 10:37 PM

My partner loved his Ex very much, and I can recall him telling me at the beginning of our relationship that if he were still in the same country as her, he would proabably still be with her. At the time I didn't think much of that, but now, it seems to be absorbing all my thoughts, and every time he says something wonderful to me, I think in my head that he is saying it to her...

I would like suggestions on what I can do within my own head to make this obsession go away... It is an insecurity, but I am looking for advice. I don't want to forget about it, I want to be OK about it.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 8, 2007, 10:45 PM

I still love my first love to some extent, and I always will. My husband was upset about me saying that at first, but it died down and he pretty much forgot about it. What you can do is talk to him about it. Ask him questions. Lots of people like remembering and talking about their past, it makes them feel good about the things they have done. They also feel more comfortable talking to you about it if you show you are interested. Even if you aren't interested, act like you are. If you are both okay with it, it won't be such an issue :)

Pook_Myster · Jul 8, 2007, 10:50 PM

He likes talking about it, and I suppose that I feel left out, because he is only the second person I have ever loved, and the first, I see now, doesn't compare at all... so in reality, he is probably my first love... so I suppose I feel... I don't know..

I do ask him questions, but his responses are always so positive that I end up feeling jealous and then I sulk... and he hates that - how do I stop myself from doing that - I suppose it comes down to being happy with yourself in the end?

nauticalstar420 · Jul 8, 2007, 10:52 PM

The thing you have to think about is, he is with you now. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. If he was still obsessively in love with his ex, he wouldn't be with you. If you are happy with yourself and happy with him, everything will be OK. One other thing you can do is talk about your past, try to get him interested in you. If it bothers him, maybe he'll see how you feel, and not talk about his ex so much :)