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Flyguy1784 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:12 AM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years and everything has been great but this last month. I was her first serious relationship and we had a great time traveled the world together. With in the last year she moved about 4 hours away for work so we haven't seen as much of each other. The last time I saw her she brought up the fact that she needs space I asked why. Her response was she hasn't ever been independent she feels like all her friends are my friends and she wants to go and figure her life out she also said she loves me and feels like I am the one but she wants to make sure that it is true. So I went along with her space idea don't like the idea but that's what she wants. Here is where I am lost before she left she started crying and couldn't stop hugging me for about twenty minutes. Her last line to me was I love you and I can't picture my life without you and I don't want that to change she kissed me and drove away. I know I need to not contact her but this is eating away at me should I totally move on or should I keep a little hope that the love of my life will come back to me? Please help me figure out what she is doing here!

mahm6266 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:17 AM

Don't lose her. Looks like she really loves you and I'm guessing you love her as well or else you wouldn't take out time to sit and write about this here. Just give it a week or two if not a couple of days if it already hasn't been so already, and call her. There's nothing more that makes a girl happy then seeing that the guy she likes cares enough to not lose her. Go for it.

SAB123 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:18 AM

How old are you guys

Flyguy1784 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:20 AM

We are both 23!

SAB123 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:35 AM

She probably wants to experience being independent for a while or from the way she acted when she drove away she may want to see what other fish are in sea.

>qoute< I love you and I can't picture my life without you.
If she feels this way why does she need a break. I know if I felt this way about someone I would risk losing them?

Flyguy1784 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:44 AM

Yeah I think she wants to see what else is out there and when I asked her about that she said well how do I really know if you are the right one for me? So I think she wants to test the waters just to make sure.

SAB123 · Jul 5, 2007, 11:57 AM

I was 29 when I met my first love and she was 36. She always used to tell me in the beginning of our realationship How do you know I am the one. I told her I don't know but I love you and I'm not going tyo risk us to find out. Maybe I should have seen what was out their. 5 years and 5-6 breakups later she has my engagement ring and has supposely new boyfriend. I should have ran years ago. So I would heal yourself and see what out their. I she comes back you will be healed to make a decision to take her back.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 5, 2007, 12:02 PM

Thanks for that I hear u I have had many year plus relationships and this one felt like no other relationship I know she is the one I want to be with.

SAB123 · Jul 5, 2007, 12:10 PM

If she cares for you she will be back. On one of my breakups she did to me she wanted me to go on dates to find out if she is the one but no kissing or sex. I told her I could never date others if we are together. But I would move on.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2007, 03:05 PM

I don't think its fair to ask someone to wait, while the other explores life to find herself. If she does find someone else now what?? Unless this break is a lot more specific, and more fair to you I would be doing my own thing ,to make myself happy without her. Never wait on maybe's. Ain't that much love in the world to make me a backup plan.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 9, 2007, 11:19 AM

Hey guys I really need some help I contacted her today just to say hi and what's up. I know I shouldn't have but I did she got very pissed off said things like I thought you would have respected my space and she said again that she isn't happy with me right now and the space is going to help her if she ever gets it. She told me she is 90% sure that she wants to be with me but if she doesn't get her space she can't make it to 100%. It really feels like I am being played with here and it is so hard for me right now to not forget about things because I am on vacation so not 2 busy and thinking about her all the time. How do I move on I want her to look at me as the fun guy again but I can't do that is she doesn't want to talk. I know that if she doesn't come back to me I will be fine but I really love her and want to be with her I just wish I could have let her know the past 6 months.

itit · Jul 9, 2007, 11:34 AM

I went through the same thing. I was able to contactact her and she contacted me a bit as well but almost the same situation. I made sure to go out have fun, improve my sitution and word got back to her through our mutual friends. She came back to visit for a week a couple weeks back and things went really well. She is gone again but is cutting her stay short to come back home and live with me. We have agreed to not be with other people while she is away and we now talk every day. When you eventually are able to talk again be very supportive. I did not rush her back because I knew if I did she may regret it.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2007, 11:39 AM

so not 2 busy and thinking about her

Get busy and leave her alone. Its to late for should have, would have, could have. Find a life without her in it. Get friends, a job, or volunteer, anything to occupy your time in a positive way.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 9, 2007, 11:43 AM

itit did she want to have no contact with you until she was ready?

itit · Jul 9, 2007, 11:54 AM

Well she wanted very limited contact I talked to her maybe 2 or 3 times a month she was gone for almost three months before she visited and she called me maybe 2 or 3 times total and a bit of MSN. With in the first few weeks of the break up once I got my head straight I sent her a big email explaining how I understood why she was doing what she was doing. I just put myself in her shoes to understand what she was going through and that helped open up communication. Another big thing is I tried to keep all conversations light but at the same time I was supportive. I think if she was only 4 hours away she would have probably asked for no contact as well because it would be easy to see each other and get back into a relationship but my girlfriend is a 5 hour plain flight away. Hope this helps, check out my threads to get all the details of how everything went down. I happy to answer any questions I know how bad it sucks.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 9, 2007, 12:24 PM

itit I take it that you went through almost the same situation as I did and I looked at all your post and seems close to what I am going through. This is her first relationship and I almost get the feeling that she wants to break it off but doesn't have the heart to just tell me. But I feel like I should trust her when she tells me that 90% of her wants to come back and I think that is a good chance. This is an email she sent me before she came over that last night and told me she can't picture her life without me and doesn't want that to change.

That is what I want (to be with you), but right now I need to just let go. I don't want it to be forever, but its not fair to you or me to try and put a time frame on this. I should have never let it gt to this point, but I guess I always just figured I could let stuff go - but I couldn't and now its built up to a point that I really can't deal with it. I think being away from you will help me realize that I still want to be with you, that I love you in the way I did, and that I more or less need you in me life. Right now, I can't say that I feel that way - but I do want nothing more than to feel that way again.

When she says she let things build up she is talking about my lack of telling her how much I loved her she just wanted to hear it but I never said it and she felt like she was going to get dumped any day. Did you give up hope on your girl coming back? Did you think that there was no way she wanted to come back no matter how much she told you she wanted to? I have emailed her and told her that I am going to change and I want her to be happy I guess I just need to let her go and let her become happy without me but I feel like if I do that then she won't want to come back to me.

itit · Jul 9, 2007, 12:48 PM

Its way easier to focus on the negatives, I did all the time and defiantly gave up hope a bunch of times. The not knowing thing is super hard and if she is unwilling to talk to you at all at this point I guess there is a lot you don't know. I guess the best thing is to go out and try to have fun, exercise improve yourself in anyway you can. You mentioned you have a lot of mutual friends all this positive stuff will get back to her for sure. As long it's been a few weeks since you last contacted her. Email her something super casual EG. Something you know she will find funny that happened at a party or the bar. Just try to get any kind of interaction going and progress from that but take it slow.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 9, 2007, 12:53 PM

She does talk to me when I call but she gets super frustrated that I won't just let her be and she says that is driving her nuts. We took a break once before like 1.5 years ago it was my call I came back to her she gave me the space I wanted could that have anything to do with it?

itit · Jul 9, 2007, 01:06 PM

I don't think the break had anything to do with it. Same thing happened with me as well; I broke up with her and for the most part she gave me space then I went back to her.

How often to you call her? You may need to go no contact for a bit and just try to stay busy doing fun stuff. That should get back to her. When my girlfriend started hearing about all the positive stuff I was doing she started calling me. I defiantly made a few calls where I got the vibe I was annoying her but all that eventually changed.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 9, 2007, 01:27 PM

I will have to go no contact she said she is going to call me tonight to talk about everything. Should I tell here that I am going to move on so then she gets the real feeling that I am totally gone during the break or should I just say well I hope someday you will come back to me but at this point I need to let go? She said she wants a break like a week ago and we have talked on the phone twice, we went three days with no contact then I got a text from her saying Happy 4th and hope you are having fun out east (I am on the east coast for vacation right now). I guess I just need to forget about her at this point and do my thing I feel deep down inside of me that we are meant to be and she has mentioned that she feels the same way but doesn't know how to verify that feeling since this is her first relationship.