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    pikachufannumber1's Avatar
    pikachufannumber1 Posts: 98, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jul 2, 2007, 12:42 PM
    I have these poems.
    And I don't think they're very good. Could people please read them and tell me if they are good? I appreciate any constructive criticism but if your one of those people who just like to insult other peoples work and be mean then don't even bother to read my poem or anser and tell me if it is good or not.

    A Doomed Friendship

    All I can do is think about you and your wonderful traits
    Like the way you make me laugh which always feels great
    The way your eyes shine when you face the light
    Being around you just feels so right

    The way your hair glistens in the sun
    It's different so I always know where to run
    I feel like our meeting was an absolute fate
    Because we get along and we don't rate

    The way your voice is so different from everyone else's
    The way you try not to be too selfish
    I think of you because it was meant to be
    I wish you could just learn to see

    The way you smile and can make anyone laugh
    If you don't like me it will break my heart in half
    But then again if it's not meant to be
    Then I will nod OK so solemnly

    And I will walk off alone and sad
    But then again it won't be so bad
    Because we'll still be friends at least I hope
    Then there will be no reason to mope

    Everything will turn out in the end
    But we'll never be the same friends again
    We can still talk and stuff like that
    But when we're alone we can never just chat

    But its OK soon we'll forget
    Either that or I'll always regret
    I still do now, I should've never told you
    But already now our friendship is doomed


    I found the answer (and I wish I hadn't)

    You finally told me what I wanted to know
    But I think I would've been better off not though
    Instead I pushed the answer
    And I wanted it to be the opposite of what it were

    Now I sit here wishing I never told you
    Then all this we wouldn't have had to go through
    I would've been happy and nothing bad
    But instead I ended up sad

    I've lost all hope and now I'll never look for the answer
    Because if I do all my words will slur
    I'll be sad and hurt when I try
    So I'll never ask you why

    I shall never tell anyone how I feel
    So I don't find out if it's fake or real
    I found the answer but not the one I liked
    So never again will I try so my heart doesn't get spiked


    Thanks For Calling

    Thanks for calling
    As soon as I got done falling
    I'm glad you see
    How much it means to me

    Thanks for caring and being so fun
    When I get hurt you always run
    Thanks for being a friend and checking on me
    When something happens you don't flee

    Thanks for calling
    After I got done falling
    I'm glad you see
    How much it means to me


    What could've been and what happened instead

    I long for the day
    When that special person walks my way
    And he says I like you
    Do u like me too

    Then I say
    You know it every day
    And we'd be
    So happy

    But it seems that's never going to happen
    So I tried on my own and
    It didn't work as I planned
    He said maybe and left my hand

    I was all alone
    Sitting in my home
    When he called
    And I stalled

    Now we're just friends
    Even to the end
    But I wish it worked out
    'Cus then I wouldn't have to pout

    We talk on the phone and at school
    We live by only friendship rules
    All I'm still looking for
    His answer or the door

    But he'll never talk
    Instead he just walks
    But I mustn't push it or I will get no
    So I'll leave it even if I don't want to though


    What are true friends?

    You will always have some friends that are true
    True friends will always love you
    But not in the way you would've thought
    Don't you remember the happiness they brought

    All those days when you were sad
    They were there to make you glad
    Those happy times you like to talk about
    When all of you had to scream and shout

    When you do something bad
    They always have your back
    They always try to help you when you're feeling down
    They hate it when you cry or frown

    They always stick by you through and through
    Every time you're sad they're understanding towards you
    So all those friends that are true
    Make sure you keep them close to you
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    Jul 13, 2007, 09:36 PM
    I think that your thoughts are excellent! Your rhyming is great and you stick with a consistent theme throughout each of your poems.

    You do have a talent for writing poetry! But, I do fear that you will get into a rut and might get bored eventually because the form of the poems is so similar to each other. I.e. always ending a line with the rhyming words; each stanza being consistently four lines long.

    One must remember that you're not writing the lyrics to songs here, so the rhythm is not of the utmost importance. But, I think that you could be a great one at writing lyrics once you have learned to write words that flow to a rhythm. I encourage you to try writing lyrics.

    I'm just concerned that you are so creative and intense in the one form that you write, that I think that you might like to consider expanding your horizons some.

    On the following site, you will find other ways to express yourself in your writing, so that your writing will have more variation and thus interest.

    Shadow Poetry -- Resources -- Types of Poetry

    Please keep up the great work and practice that you are doing with this! You never know how much your writing may have a positive influence on people now and someday. The influence that you make by what you write can make a difference in the world for the generations of people that come after you.
    pikachufannumber1's Avatar
    pikachufannumber1 Posts: 98, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Jul 21, 2007, 10:12 PM
    Thank you clough. I have been lloking on that site and will make some new poems and be sure to tell you when I put them on askmehelpdesk. Ttyl.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    Jul 21, 2007, 11:05 PM
    Again, you are very welcome! I look forward to you posting more!
    serena6878's Avatar
    serena6878 Posts: 94, Reputation: 10
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Jul 22, 2007, 08:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Clough
    Again, you are very welcome! I look forward to you posting more!

    I wanted to be a writer. But writing is not a realistic thing.
    I like poems, and I focus more on meaning than form.
    I believe, there is a beautiful world in poets' heart.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member
     
    #6

    Aug 19, 2007, 01:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by serena6878
    I wanted to be a writer. But writing is not a realistic thing.
    I like poems, and I focus more on meaning than form.
    I believe, there is a beautiful world in poets' heart.
    Writing, it's the real thing!
    It shows the way people and the world are.
    Also, it can be a mover of people
    As well as nations.

    Part of the reality of writing
    Is what's in
    The person's heart
    Who is doing the writing.

    When you write, you might
    Make someone
    Cry, laugh, angry or even...
    Think.

    When you write
    The possibilities are endless...
    You might just possibly transcend
    The end of times because of what you have written...

    Wars have been won
    And also lost
    Because of
    The writings of a few...

    Be careful in what you write.
    Someone just might be needing
    What you have chosen
    To compose...

    It could be a nation, the world,
    Santa Claus
    Or even...
    Your mother!

    You can be a poet and know it...
    But,
    Don't let it
    Go to your head!

    What you believe
    Is what you perceive
    To be the reality
    Within your heart!

    Do you need to
    Be a professional writer in order
    To make a difference?
    I don't think so.

    It is said that Beauty
    Is in the eye of the beholder.
    What is beautiful
    May be the very thing that you write then...

    The form doesn't
    Have to be
    What is most
    Important.

    The message can be clear
    Or, even somewhat dull.
    It's appearance and interpretation
    Depend on what another thinks.

    Does what you write
    Have a rhythm?
    A beat?
    A rhyme?

    These days
    It doesn't really matter.
    Is the message heard?
    Is it understood?

    Does it tell the truth?
    Or even... a lie?

    That is what matters.

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