[mikaroney]

We have been happily married for 7 years and we have four children. Just recently I checked out the computers history and someone had visited gay porn sites. This isn't the first time I discovered this. Once my son clicked on a file in the computer and a gay porn video started. When we are intimate my husband always wants to do things in the other hole. People are occasionally questioning his sexuality because he is very feminine, e.g. shopping, doing the girls hair, loves to gossip and give advice.He has more girlfriends than I do. One of his close friends told me my husband made a move on him before we were married but my husband denied it. He is very loving towards me, always initiates sex and he is a great husband,father.and person. I am the only person he has been with and I know he thinks the world of me. How do I confront/ask him?

[Clough]

I would say that he could be gay. I had a friend who is gay who was married for about 25 years. He fathered two children with his wife. They had a really good marriage, until she found out that he was gay and had been cheating on her on the side. His gay interest was stronger than what he felt for her. They got divorced, but remained friends.

I'm not saying that this is in any way what your scenario is or could be. I just wanted to present an example to you of something that I know of. He finally decided to break off our friendship with each other because he couldn't handle it because he was attracted to me. And, the sexual attraction to me and the possibilities that he imagined with me were more important than just being friends with me. I mourn the loss of the friendship that we had. We had so many things in common whereby we could have been really great friends.

It is a very difficult to address this type of situation. How do you confront him? Be honest, open and straight-up with him about what you found on the computer. Show him the proof. But, don't be judgemental towards him. Listen to what he has to say. Say that you would like an open dialogue with him about what was found. Don't answer or retort back to him without thinking first about what you will say. Try to be calm.

There very well may be a way that you could help him emotionally and sexually to meet his apparent hidden needs, if he is truly committed to you and your family that you have together.

[JoeCanada76]

Maybe he is bisexual?

Although no matter what, he is committed to you, right?

Just because a guy goes shopping, loves to give advice, has more friends that are girls does not mean that he is gay.

Now hitting on one of his friends, If that is true that is a red flag. Gay porn sites that would be another red flag.

This sounds like it could be a very delicate matter. I would say that next time you see the history of gay porn then actually show him what you found on the computer and that might open up a discussion.

I also think that if you have the opportunity to take in some counseling they may be able to advice you better on how to approach this delicate matter and also give you an outlit.

So again, do not accuse.
Next time there is computer history of this stuff then ask him about why it is on the computer? Then go from there.

Joe

[smoothy]

Well, it could be he is just more effeminate than the average guy. But don't confuse the fact he likes playing around with the "other" hole make you think that as well. He may be less closed minded and enjoys that. THere are no off limits body areas with me and my wife.

Now hitting upon one of the friends... with that I might need to know specifically what was said. In the sense that was it something ambiguous that might have been misunderstood or was it direct and very clearly to the point?

Gay web sites? Well that's hard to say, my wife likes to see them, and so we will do it together even though I have no real inclinations in that direction at all.

Keep in mind if you have already made the decision in your mind then anything that he says and does might seem that way to you even if its not to the average person.

[kepi]

To tell you the truth, there is a chance that he could be gay. Many a times a gay man will be so afraid of his sexuality that he will marry, father children, etc. So I would recommends talking to him about it and see what he says. You should be supportive, even though this may mean a divorce. Also, what do his parents say regarding homosexuals? Does he come from a religious conservative family or..

[Kattalover]

What made you look into the browser history? I would never check my husband's computer because I consider it a violation of his privacy, but that's just me.

You said your son clicked on a link and a porn video came up. That is a red flag! Your children should have separate user accounts (including child protection software - not sure what the technical term is) and not be able to get into your or your husband's browser history. Since you've only been married for seven years, I assume that your children are still small. They should NOT be allowed to use the Internet without an adult present.

That said, if I were you, I would probably mention that your son told you about accidentally (and depending on how old he is, there could actually be little accidental about it) coming across sexual content and see what your husband says.

Also, have you ever asked him about why he likes to "do things in the other hole"? Does he always want to do it that way or just occasionally? Some guys like anal intercourse simply because the anus is usually tighter than the vagina (especially after four children) and it just feels better to them.

[Slick666]

Why does everything have to be so black and white? There is the little 3rd option, "Bisexual".
Some folks just want to have their cake and eat out too.