[sadnsick]

Is it normal for my husband to want to watch me having sex with another man? My husband wants me to do this and frankly it makes me sick and sad to know that he would not be upset to see me with another man? Also he wants sex all the time and has been looking at other women a lot? Not sure if he has cheated or not? He plays in a band, so he is hanging out at the clubs/bars a lot, and If I go with him I end up getting left in the corner why he hangs out with his band members or makes the rounds chatting it up with whoever the whole night. I am just getting tired of all the stress he puts on me and our family. He use to care about my well being but now when I try to tell him there is a problem and I am unhappy, he says "Oh yeah, you think you can have it better? Good Luck." It gets worse year after year, I just want a normal, luving family guy, the guy that he use to be, the guy that I knew loved me above anything else! Is that too much to ask?:confused:

Thanks for reading.

[nauticalstar420]

No, its not too much to ask. And if you want my opinion, this guy is a major jerk! If my husband treated me that way I'd tell him to go to hell. You are so much better than that and you should not have to put up with that!

[grammadidi]

No man has the right to make his partner do ANYTHING that makes her feel uncomfortable. I hate to say it, but in reading your post I didn't get the impression that your husband likes or respects you - never mind loves you! Hon, I think you need to seriously consider whether this is the lifestyle you want to remain in or not and if not, start making a plan to get out. Now, I don't know your situation, but if you can, you should probably start by getting a job if you don't have one. This will help build your self-esteem (which you badly need) and provide you with a means of supporting yourself. Make sure you put money away for yourself, to help you if and when you decide to leave (or kick him out). If you decide not to leave, at least you can use the money to see a therapist or marriage counselor.

In the meantime, do NOT agree to do as your husband asks. Respect yourself, even if he won't. Start to keep a diary and make sure you put everything and anything in it that your husband does/says that seems inappropriate. Is he drinking excessively or on drugs? This could explain the changes in his behaviour.

It is possible that you and your husband could work things out, but I think the first thing is to get your self-esteem built up so that you are strong enough to tell him that you want certain things in your marriage (such as counselling for these issues) or it is over... and mean it!

Best of luck to you sweetie, whatever you decide. No matter what, though, please find a source of support for yourself.

Hugs, Didi

[Clough]

Excellent and supportive answers above. I would take heed of them.