Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Gernald's Avatar
    Gernald Posts: 901, Reputation: 93
    Expert
     
    #1

    Jun 29, 2007, 01:39 PM
    Converting.telling my parents
    I want to convert to Judaism, but telling my parents or even talking about questioning the New Testament is a sin in my house. I read the torah (using a flashlight at night) and I can't lie to them and sneak off to the local synagogue... I'm still young 17 and a freshman in college. How can I start a conversation or even suggest to them that I want to become Jewish without them killing me?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
    Expert
     
    #2

    Jun 30, 2007, 06:04 AM
    Can you get them together with you and a counsellor and discuss it that way ?
    BABRAM's Avatar
    BABRAM Posts: 561, Reputation: 145
    Senior Member
     
    #3

    Jul 18, 2007, 03:44 PM
    Wow! For a youthful person I want to praise you for considering a conversion. Remember that perhaps your parents grew up in a very conservative Christian view. You are almost of age when you will be out of high school and more than likely to start life out on your own. When that happens it's then that you should attend shul regularly to get a feel for the Jewish community and council with a rabbi. Do not cause strife with your parents. Love your parents, respect them and then once your on your own continue your curiosity into Judaism. This is how you can win them over in the long run and so that they respect your views in the future.:)


    Bobby
    Gernald's Avatar
    Gernald Posts: 901, Reputation: 93
    Expert
     
    #4

    Aug 4, 2007, 03:19 PM
    Thanks for your help!
    I want to do what I think is right while still respecting my parents. I do not want to lie to them, though I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing by thinking about converting.
    modular01's Avatar
    modular01 Posts: 129, Reputation: 36
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Aug 4, 2007, 03:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Gernald
    I want to convert to Judaism, but telling my parents or even talking about questioning the New Testament is a sin in my house. I read the torah (using a flashlight at night) and I can't lie to them and sneak off to the local synagogue... I'm still young 17 and a freshman in college. How can I start a conversation or even suggest to them that I want to become Jewish without them killing me?
    I think that it is great that you are concerned about what your parents would think. However, I think religion is a very personal thing, and if you want to convert, that they should respect your wishes.

    I'm not a very religious person (at least as far as attending church), but I do believe that a person should follow what they believe in, as long as it doesn't hurt the well being of others.

    If someone were to tell me that they don't believe what I believe in, it honestly doesn't bother me. Life is too short and too many wars have been started about religion for conflicting reasons.
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Aug 4, 2007, 03:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Gernald
    Thanks for your help!
    I want to do what I think is right while still respecting my parents. I do not want to lie to them, though I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing by thinking about converting.
    My suggestion would be for you to do a comparative religious study and then show your parents why you choose whichever religion you chose with facts and your views and the religions views and show them how it makes sense to you.
    Who knows maybe you will understand the religion you choose better yourself after a comparative study and at the same time prepare yourself for facing your parents with a comparison so that they will not really have much to say against your choices.

    It is wonderful to know that you wish your parents good even when your religious views don't agree with theirs, sometimes we see so many cutting off family ties in the name of religion when religion itself commands you to respect parents (the monotheistic religions surely do as far as I know... )
    hettie's Avatar
    hettie Posts: 71, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Aug 4, 2007, 03:58 PM
    Part of any faith is being true and honest to that faith and to yourself so tellyour parents asap and then you will be able to be truer to your chosen faith I wish uluck on your journey to the spiritual path you have chosen
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
    Uber Member
     
    #8

    Aug 4, 2007, 04:19 PM
    Hello hettie:

    Well, I would start peppering my languague with Oy vey's, and schlep around, and let's have a nosh. You could even tell them some Jewish jokes. They'll get the message. If they ask what's going on, you could say that you're converting for the food. Or, you could say that you're converting for the jokes. Jews are much funnier than Christians.

    excon
    Big10's Avatar
    Big10 Posts: 37, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Aug 4, 2007, 05:25 PM
    You should explain to your parents why you're choosing Judaism over Christianity as a personal form of worshiping the Lord. But make sure that you try and not offend the Christian beliefs in the process of doing this. So, be as diplomatic as you can.
    I think if religion functions as it truly is meant to, it would still remind both you and your parents that you are to love each other despite these differences. This is because the most important thing religion teaches us is to "love" one another. Good luck.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #10

    Aug 4, 2007, 05:36 PM
    If you are 17 and in college, I will ask, are they paying for your college, and will this choice make them stop paying for it?

    I would normally say, that since you are in college you should be old enough to make your own choices and I believe you should not be a "closet" anything, but be honest and true to yourself in all things.
    Gernald's Avatar
    Gernald Posts: 901, Reputation: 93
    Expert
     
    #11

    Aug 6, 2007, 09:27 AM
    Yea they're paying for most of my college- at least my dad is. I've got a few scholarships but not enough to cover my entire education.
    I'd tell my mom but she'd tell my dad and then the whole family would know... it would go down hill from there.
    It's odd you know- I never thought of myself as a closet convert, but you're right.
    Should talk to my family's pastor? I've thought about it before but maybe if I talked to him first then my family would be a bit more uhhh 'supportive'
    Thanks again everyone for your help!
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
    Uber Member
     
    #12

    Aug 6, 2007, 09:31 AM
    Hello again, Gernald:

    Have you heard about JAP's - Jewish American Princesses? Do you know what they make for dinner? Reservations.

    excon
    Gernald's Avatar
    Gernald Posts: 901, Reputation: 93
    Expert
     
    #13

    Aug 6, 2007, 09:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by excon
    Hello again, Gernald:

    Have you heard about JAP's - Jewish American Princesses? Do you know what they make for dinner? Reservations.

    excon
    Sorry... don't get it. :-)
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
    Ultra Member
     
    #14

    Aug 6, 2007, 10:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Gernald
    Yea they're paying for most of my college- at least my dad is. I've got a few scholarships but not enough to cover my entire education.
    I'd tell my mom but she'd tell my dad and then the whole family would know....it would go down hill from there.
    It's odd you know- I never thought of myself as a closet convert, but you're right.
    Should talk to my family's pastor? I've thought about it before but maybe if I talked to him first then my family would be a bit more uhhh 'supportive'
    Thanks again everyone for your help!
    As a firmbeliever in my religion I trust my Creator to show me the path to the rightful way in any given situation,
    Maybe you should do a little prayer to the Almighty and pray for guidance, you might see a way without losing your education or even better you might find a way to practice your beliefs and still get an education.
    If you have faith then pray and ask for guidance to the light and right path to following your belief.

    Just opinion...
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #15

    Oct 5, 2007, 08:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Gernald
    I want to become Jewish without them killing me?
    If they are good Christian parents they would not 'kill'
    rosends's Avatar
    rosends Posts: 78, Reputation: 22
    Junior Member
     
    #16

    Oct 6, 2007, 05:53 PM
    With all due respect, I'm not sure if you are ready to convert -- this requires such an extensive and complete life and lifestyle change that at age 17 you may not be ready for it. If you truly wish to pursue Judaism, then keep studying -- reading the "Torah" under the covers is not a kind of learning which gives you a real sense of what Judaism is. When you are able to choose your surroundings, find a place with a Jewish community and start to understand what kind of changes will be expected of you. Conversion under the proper auspices requires study, testing, meetings and often, 2-3 years of constant work. Maybe right now isn't the right time for it.
    Gernald's Avatar
    Gernald Posts: 901, Reputation: 93
    Expert
     
    #17

    Oct 14, 2007, 08:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rosends
    With all due respect, I'm not sure if you are ready to convert -- this requires such an extensive and complete life and lifestyle change that at age 17 you may not be ready for it. If you truly wish to pursue Judaism, then keep studying -- readin the "Torah" under the covers is not a kind of learning which gives you a real sense of what Judaism is. When you are able to choose your surroundings, find a place iwth a Jewish community and start to understand what kind of changes will be expected of you. Conversion under the proper auspices requires study, testing, meetings and often, 2-3 years of constant work. Maybe right now isn't the right time for it.

    I've considered this, this is going to sound stupid but I've thought about this for a while (since I was in the 8th grade) I understand fully that it is a big lifestyle change. I just want to be able to talk to a rabbi with my parents support, not convert right away. You're right it needs some time, but my concience is killing me.

    Oh and whoever said my parents wouldn't kill, that may be a bit of an exaduration but being disowned when your 17 is almost as bad.
    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
    Ultra Member
     
    #18

    Oct 19, 2007, 02:56 PM
    You are at the age and period in your life when you have to separate yourself as an individual from your parents in order to be a healthy adult. That means experimenting with a different life experiences including religion.

    It is really OK to have secrets from your parents... they don't need to know all your personal business... too intrusive! You have to continue developing your sexuality as well as how you feel about the questions such as what is the meaning of life(religion issues), political views, and so on.

    Don't mention your explorations to your parents! You have to grow up and be an adult, stand on your own two feet with your own opinions, be a *separate individual*, a *healthy adult* soon.

    Go on and live and grow and experience life and keep the gory details to yourself. :) No reason to upset your parents for nothing. *You* have to learn to separate, too!

    Good Luck!
    cozyk's Avatar
    cozyk Posts: 802, Reputation: 125
    Senior Member
     
    #19

    Aug 31, 2008, 07:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Gernald
    I want to convert to Judaism, but telling my parents or even talking about questioning the New Testament is a sin in my house. I read the torah (using a flashlight at night) and I can't lie to them and sneak off to the local synagogue... I'm still young 17 and a freshman in college. How can I start a conversation or even suggest to them that I want to become Jewish without them killing me?

    I am having the same problem that you are and I am 50 years old! I come from a long line of die hard Christians that believe theirs is the only true religion. Anytime I talk religion with my mother and it even comes close to having an open mind and being a free thinker, she gets all serious and worried about my soul. She says I need to pray about these things and get back with the program. I could never mention my doubts to my father. He just couldn't grasp that at all. I'm sure all my grandparents are just turning over in their graves knowing that I don't buy all the christian beliefs.

    This is not much help I know, but I do know where you are coming from. It will be much easier though when you are no longer under their roof.

    I'm impressed with your individual thinking at such a young age. It took me many more years to have my own mind. Good luck to you!
    Gernald's Avatar
    Gernald Posts: 901, Reputation: 93
    Expert
     
    #20

    Aug 31, 2008, 10:56 AM
    Thanks! Your post couldn't have come at a better time.
    It's been a while since a posted this message and so much has happened.
    I'm in college away from home now and this Friday I hope to be going to my first service with one of my best friends!
    We're actually both doing something kind of interesting that is helping me get a big picture view of all of the religons associated with Abraham (except for Islam... I really think my parents would masacre me if I went to one of there services and they find out. My friend really dosen't feel comfortable with that either though). Back to the point, we're ummm... "church hopping" as he put it. Every week we go to see a different sect or religon. It's so far been really enlightining and very interesting.

    Thanks everyone for all your support... I haven't told my parents yet; but I think the time is coming soon.
    :-)

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

5 yr. Old telling me (mom) she doesn't like me [ 17 Answers ]

Hello everyone I am looking for some help. My daughter is a very advanced 5 yr old and we get along GREAT. But for the past 3 months she has told me 4 times that she doesn't like me. And to make it worse it is when we are having a good day she hasn't even been yelled at. She just started school...

How do I know if they telling me the thuth? [ 1 Answers ]

I received a phone call from a lawyers office in Ga. They said that if I did not pay back a debt or have a plan set up in two days for a amount that I own on a credit card,which is 17,000.00 that they were going to start filing charges against me. A week later I called back and told them that I...

Telling him I might be pregnant. [ 6 Answers ]

Ok. I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now, he is married with 4 kids of his own and I am engaged to his nephew. While my fiancé has been locked up me and him have been involved and I think the last time we were together I might have gotten pregnant, but it is to early to be sure. How do I go...

Telling someone you like them. [ 9 Answers ]

To clear things first I myself am a woman. And there is this other girl who I find extremely attractive. Now my problem is I don't know how to tell her I like her and that I want to get to know her. I'm afraid she'll be freaked out by me if I say anything but I'm not even sure if she's straight or...

Telling Parents [ 2 Answers ]

Hello All, I just found this group this eveing I have an issue where I can use a little advise if any one can help. Ok here goes. A little about me My name is steve I and am 25 years old. My Parents are both loving and caring I come from a 3 person family meaning I am a only child My...


View more questions Search