[Nohitter410]

Aight I try not to come on too much because all I do is overanalyze things way too much. I feel lost to a certain degree and not sure where to turn. My life was doing great and my ex came back in my life after not seeing each other since last October. We hung out a few weeks ago and she looked amazing and we had so much fun. It seemed like we understood our issues and were able to just have fun and the little stuff that bothered us in the past weren't there anymore.

The problem I had was initially she was like I want to get back together with you and I was like I am not ready we haven't even hung out and seen how we are together to even know and she was like take as much time as you need. Anyway she came out to DC this past week to see her cousin and we hung out a lot and had so much fun and she is the ONLY girl whom I never seem to lose interest over and have more fun with her than any other woman.

Problem
So I am 23 years old and I am definitely a personality sometimes where I try to impress and have a great time and be the center of attention and I hate to let people down. I feel like I let others control my thoughts sometimes. I am feeling guilty that my boys will feel like they lost one of the boys if I get back together with her or that my parents will wonder why I am back together. They loved her but felt long distance was too much for me. Ultimately it should be my decision and mine only.

The other issue is I know I can be a one woman man I don't cheat but at the same time we left it as exclusive relationship without the title(not sure what the hell that means). She told me her issues with me were I need to just learn to shut up sometimes with her and be myself like I am with other people and I told her about how needy she seems to get when she gets in a relationship and not allow the other person to have fun. She was like I know I don't want to be that person and taking it slow is the only way to fix that.

Also at 23 basically getting back together with her would say I want to marry her and no other woman I want. I can get other women but I don't want others but long distance is so hard and I am afraid I will say or do something to jeopardize since I seem to have no INNER MONOLOGUE and I need to fix that. PLEASE HELP ME!!

[Dennis777]

Hello

It sounds like you know what you need to do so DO IT... Make the changes for you, not for her or your parents. Once you like yourself you will be able to deal with a relationship.

Good Luck
Dennis777

[lmnotok]

Seems like you are a weak person. ANd by the way, where does she live? (since you said your relationship is long distance)

[talaniman]

I've posted on many of your threads, so let me ask you if you honestly think she feels the same way you do, or are you holding out hope? Are you back together or not? How long is this distance thing got to go?

Also at 23 basically getting back together with her would say I want to marry her

Not true, I can see go slow but marriage, neither of you is ready.

[Nohitter410]

I've posted on many of your threads, so let me ask you if you honestly think she feels the same way you do, or are you holding out hope? How long is this distance thing got to go?

Tal, from my words I could see where those conclusions would be drawn or at least those questions. She was actually the one who initiated all this. She called me crying one night saying how stupid she was for us breaking up and how I am the best for her and she just needed this time apart to realize it. She said the seriousness of the relationship scared her but the thought of losing me scared her more. I initially told her I loved her and the breakup hurt and it is hard for me to say I want to get back together if we haven't seen each other in over 7 months. So we just talked for a while that night laughing and joking and keeping things light and she brought up some feelings, because typically she keeps it inside. She was hesitant moving on forward but things started opening up and we talked more. Then we saw each other again and things were great and again where I live and things were even better. She has expressed how much she loves me and it is tough for me because I truly do feel the same way and although the bachelor years can be fun I don't want to lose her because of my selfishness. Most of the problems we had were the distance(which is about 500 miles), she is in michigan(my home) and I live currently in DC but moving to Philly. My roommate in DC goes home to see his girlfriend a lot so an excuse to go home now.

Are you back together or not?

This one is tricky. I mean after DC, it feels like we are back to our old ways, talking on the phone everyday and having so much fun and I miss her a great deal. We left it at exclusive but no title for now and taking it slow and getting to know each other better.

Not true, I can see go slow but marriage, neither of you is ready.

Definitely not ready at all. She still has school for another year and a half and I am working and doing great at it and about to start studying for business school soon.

Just tough because I am having trouble finding that balance between showing I care and being a challenge too. I mean I am starting to add more hobbies, like boxing class, golf and work. Problem is I have two cell phones and my personal cell phone is always on. I travel a lot so I feel like I am too available that is a side note.

[talaniman]

The challenge is in being yourself, and happy with your life, without her. The balance is between your happy busy life, and hers, and agreeing on the time to be together. She will be busy, so will you. Coordinate so you can talk, listen, and support each other. Be a good listener. Pay attention. Without a lot of face to face its so easy to be insecure and confused. The distance will challenge not only your maturity , but your patience. Just go slow, and play it cool, and don't put your heart on the phone, or any where else without a damn good reason. Leave the serious stuff alone for a while, and have fun getting to know more of each other. REPEAT, HAVE FUN!! When it stop being fun its over.

[Nohitter410]

Thanks Tal, very well put. Why do we so often let other people's opinions control how we think or act?

My life is so good, work, getting in shape, traveling around from state to state. Everything was falling into place but I still felt a little empty like I was looking back and wanted her there with me. It wasn't like I wasn't living because I would be having fun so much but no matter who I met or what I did she was on my mind.

Another big problem I have is my emotional instability I feel like sometimes takes control. I am probably the happiest person you will ever meet and everything brushes off so easily. Sometimes I feel like I get sad for no reason when I am not even sad. I would cry a few times when we were together before and get emotional then 10 minutes later I would be laughing and not even know why I was sad. I feel like I get sad just to get sad and there is some trigger in my head that just wants to. Feels weird.

But I am happy outside of her I promise you. My life is amazing. It is just tough to not have her there with me and the distance is tough but I am finding even more things to occupy my time where it makes the time apart not bad at all.

[talaniman]

Good to hear it as you sound pretty healthy at this point and I hope it continues. Don't worry about the peaks and valleys of your emotions, that's just life. Keep us updated. You've come a far way since your first post.