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tiodaat · Jul 5, 2007, 08:27 AM

While it was kind of hard to do, I decided against asking her to the wedding.

She will be leaving the country for a few weeks in about 10 days. I was thinking about sending her an email shortly before she leaves to wish her a safe trip.

I am torn because I think NC is probably best for me, but I really miss talking with her. It will have been about a month that we've been broken up, and not talked (assuming she doesn't contact me before she leaves--which seems most likely).

Does anyone have any thoughts on sending the email?

SAB123 · Jul 5, 2007, 08:57 AM

Don't do it. It's been 5 months since my ex fiancé dumped me again and on the forth of July was a bad. I was depressed and lonely all day witch I haven't done in weeks. Breaking NC only brings you back to square one. Trust me I have broken it and doesn't do you any good but bring you down.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2007, 09:08 AM

No emails or anything else. Focus on you and your own grieving. Staying busy, and not isolating yourself, will help keep you from dwelling on the past.

tiodaat · Jul 8, 2007, 11:18 PM

I've been broken up with my ex girlfriend for almost three weeks. There is no other guy in the equation, and she was really confused about what, if anything, she wanted, at least in terms of a relationship.

We have not talked at all since the breakup, although I tagged some pictures of us on Facebook recently--and I know she has been online to see them.

When I ask my close friends whether I should call her, they are split almost 33/33/33 on what to do.

These are essentially what my friends are suggesting:

1. Call her and let her know exactly how I feel about her (i.e. that I still care about her and want to get back together).

2. Call her and just talk/see if she wants to get together for a drink.

3. Absolutely do not call her for any reason.

Assuming that I love my ex, want to get back together with her, and am willing to take on additional weeks of pain to attempt to do so, which option is my best choice?

nauticalstar420 · Jul 8, 2007, 11:21 PM

I would suggest option #2. Just casually get together and see what happens from there. Don't "drown" her with "i still love you, i still want to be with you", because that may just repel her more. Just be friends until she is ready to be more than that again , if she ever is :)

nauticalstar420 · Jul 8, 2007, 11:45 PM

It all depends on what type of person she is. Like if it were me, I wouldn't care how unavailable you were, I'd still be moving on with my life. That's just what kind of person I am. The best way to test your waters so to speak, is to just get together casually and see where things go :)

Skrypt · Jul 9, 2007, 03:31 AM

Yeah go for #2. It's safer and smarter

tiodaat · Jul 9, 2007, 01:57 PM

Should I wait any longer before contacting her?

The last thing that I want to do is contact her if she was going to contact me in the near future, and/or make her upset/push her away.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 9, 2007, 02:00 PM

When was the last time you were in contact with her?

tiodaat · Jul 9, 2007, 03:06 PM

We last talked 19 days ago, when we broke up after being on a "break" for four days.

She will be going out of the country for two weeks for school, leaving on or about July 17.

nauticalstar420 · Jul 9, 2007, 03:21 PM

I would say now would probably be an OK time to contact her, just for a casual dinner or drinks :)

stonewilder · Jul 9, 2007, 04:21 PM

I wouldn't do any of those things. I would accidentally on purpose run into her somewhere. I'd say, "Oh hey, what are you doing here?!" and go from there. I would never call a guy I broke up with, but that's just the way I am. Now if I was a guy... I'd probably do the same to save face.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2007, 05:01 PM

In your other post your mind was made up so why change now? Leave her alone, and build your own life and be happy. You will always feel like contacting her again, until you heal. Just read the result of others who have posted here, and the hurt and confusion they went through trying to get back what they once had. Its normal to look back and hope, but a disaster when you find they have moved on. Focus on your own health and healing.

s_cianci · Jul 9, 2007, 08:20 PM

I'll go along with option #3. If there's any interest on her part, then sooner or later she'll take it upon herself to exercise option #2.

tiodaat · Jul 9, 2007, 08:48 PM

My ex sent me an instant message tonight.

I was NOT expecting anything from her at all.

We talked for about 15 minutes, during which time I tried to as casually as possible let her know that I have been missing her; I also asked if she wanted to get together for a drink before she leaves this coming week.

All in all, I think the conversation went fairly well--especially since I was so surprised by it.

I have no idea what, if anything it means. I am trying not to build it up into something that it's not, but I feel so happy that I've talked to her again.

I plan on letting her contact me again next, if she wishes to.

tiodaat · Jul 18, 2007, 05:21 PM

We have been broken up for one month, after she broke up with me. I have maintained NC, save the two times that she initiated contact with me. I am still interested in getting back together with her.

She is currently out of the country, and will be for the next two weeks.

I am thinking of sending her a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she returns home.

Potential Pros:

1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on."

Potential Cons:

1. The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
2. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.

What does everyone think?

modular01 · Jul 18, 2007, 05:24 PM

I wouldn't send the flowers. If she doesn't want to get back together with you on her own, think of it as her loss and move on.

serena6878 · Jul 18, 2007, 05:25 PM

I think if she receives flowers from you, she would be moved and be back with you.
And flowers mean love.

Inspired · Jul 18, 2007, 05:26 PM

Don't send flowers.

jeep1995 · Jul 18, 2007, 05:57 PM

Send them. Everyone here says NC NC NC... blah blah blah...

Well if I had gone with NC I wouldn't have just received a text from my girl telling me how much she loves me! I didn't beg or anything for her back, I manned up and grew some balls. I told her straight up what I want and how I didn't want to move on in life unless she was there. It worked. She realized what she has, a man that loves her dearly. Good luck