[concernedcousin]

My cousin is currently planning to move from California to Hawaii to reunite with her husband and father of her ten year old daughter after a long separation. The couple had originally lived together in California, but after the separation her husband moved to Kauai, HI for an employment opportunity. During the separation (while her estranged husband is living in Kauai), she formed a new relationship with another man and had a son. Her son is now two years old and the relationship with his father has dissolved. The father never really supported her or the baby (they lived with his parents at first and then with her parents toward the end of the relationship). He moved back in with his parents after they broke up. However, he and his family are very involved in the baby's life (they pick him up almost every weekiend). Now, my cousin, her two best friends and I recently took a trip to Hawaii to visit her estranged husband. He now has a house and a very good job there. During our trip, we all could see what we already knew, this is the man she is meant to be with. So, now she is intending to move there (with the two children). No legal custody has been established over the two year old. The child was born while she was married to another man. Here comes the complicated part, she is leaving without notifying the father of the two year old. We don't think its right but she is terrified that he will stop her. What can happen? Can she get in trouble? What rights does he have over the child? Can he legally force her to return to California?

Keep in consideration, he is frequently unemployed and lives in a three bedroom house with his parents, sister and niece. Her husband has a three bedroom house by himself.

[serialwife]

She needs to tell him she is planning on leaving. There are several important factors to consider here.
Does the father of child number 2 realize she was married at the time of the conception of the child?
In the United states a the child is legally considered to be the child of the woman and her husband unless she named her paramour (boyfriend) on the birth certificate. If she named him on the birth certificate and he accepted responsibility for the child then the paramour is legally the father of the child. By accepting responsibility I simply meaning being active in the child's life.
Does she understand that if she disappears with her child and the child's father reports that she kidnapped the child she will be subject to charges of parental kidnapping or custodial interference depending on CA law?
No matter how deadbeat of a father he is he and his family are active in the child's life and he has a right to his child. It would be in the best interest of your cousin to consult an attorney and have a custody agreement drawn up that the child can visit through out the year at the expense of the father if he is as bad as you say he won't pay anyway.

[dragnflyangell]

I have two kids and I know how I would feel if the father of my kids left without letting me know. I grew up without a father and I can't even count how many times I have cried about not having a father in my life. That is really unfair to the child also. Don't you think? If I understand correct, he has been making an effort in seeing his child. Just because he wasn't in the child's life in the past, he is now. That's what matters now. People do change, good and bad. Please don't take this as an angry message because that isn't how I meant it. I am 35 years old and my father left when I was 3 months old and to this day I try to have a realationship with him and it just is not going to happen. Please think of what's best for the child because they are the most important. Please don't take this wrong. Good luck with your friend. You know I'm not saying don't move but just let him know. A lie can travel around the world before the truth can get it's boots on.

[fredg]

Hi,
Legally, you don't have to tell him.
There are no legal binds between the two of you.
What you do is up to you.
If you tell him, you will risk much trouble; maybe not even allowing you to move!
If you can't make up your mind, please talk with a lawyer, ask him/her about the situation; just for your own peace of mind.
Best of luck,
fredg