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AndSoItIs · Jun 22, 2007, 08:37 AM

Hello

I have 13 year old son with ADHD. He has been treated since grade 3. He is a well behaved child who usually needs reminders to keep his focus. He has always been self centered, but not in an intentionnaly cruel way.

Lately, since turning 13 he has changed completely. He is very lazy and unmotivated. His grade 7 teacher is like 'friend' and does not discipline him. He gets no homework and doesn't care about school. He literally does nothing... and causes such a stink when I try to create some work for him to do.

I am concerned because he is making bad choices. He completely disregards requests I make. He disobeys when I am not in constant sight. He was grounded and still came home late. He gad his bike taken away, and when I wasn't home, he stole his siters bike. No note when I got home, and I was madly searching for him until he showed up at 10 45 at night. So he was grounded for the weeekend and required to do extra chores.

When he left a list of one thing to do while I slept (I work night shifts)... he didn't do it. Instead he feasted on cookies and chocolate milk and went out with his friends. I took his cell phone away.

Is this teenager stuff? Is this adhd stuff? Or a combo? What do you do with a child who is not affected by his prviledges removed?

Tuscany · Jun 22, 2007, 08:57 AM

Has there been a change in his meds lately? Or a change in his home or school environment?

AndSoItIs · Jun 22, 2007, 09:01 AM

I made an appointment for him with his doctor, maybe the dose isn't sufficient. His dad and I separated two years ago and it took about 6 months for the dust to settle and my son seemed happier. He knows he is not doing well at school and can't seem to help himself. I am not sure if this is how teenagers act... and how do you keep the boundries... I don't want him to continue in this downward spiral

Tuscany · Jun 22, 2007, 09:26 AM

It is important that he is held accountable for his actions. But, often children with ADHD cannot control their impulsivity. It is up to an adult (parent, teacher) to teach them how to deal with their disability.

He should have a set routine that he does everyday. Also, starting the day away from stimulating activities (video game playing, TV watching) helps as well. Starting the day off in a mellow fashion tends to keep children with ADHD calmer as they enter school. In school his teacher should also maintain a calm voice, with one direction given at a time. Johnny take out your paper, now put your name on it.

For many ADHD students school is very difficult because of the background noise that a classroom has. Many of my students use headphones with music to drowned out their classmates (during independent work) and are offered modified notes and activities to increase their success in the classroom.

As your son ages, his dosages might also have to increase or decrease depending on the medication. Also, be sure that he is sleeping at night.

Lacey5765 · Jun 22, 2007, 03:46 PM

Yes, teens do often act this way. You have to remember too that hormones are beginning to effect them. Even though his behavior is normal it is not acceptable and he must be held accountable. Pick your battles. Curfew and respect and school is a battle I would fight. YOu might start with those and then work on chores etc. See if he truly is tired. IT is likely that he is going through a growth spurt. If this is the case his eating will likely have increased as well. Be patient but firm. The hope is that become 14 and 15 and mellow out again.

scorpiod · Dec 2, 2011, 04:06 AM

Im not sure, my son has it as well, but he does listen or I will tear him out the frame, in my house you will obey, or we have a serious problem, when I take things from my son he does not care as well, the only difference is that he is on honor roll, you should let the therapist know what he's doing so they can put him on some type of plan they will help him stay focused, it sounds like to me you need to put your foot down and show him who is in charge its surely not him, if he thinks so then we can take it further and he will not win trust me, get on top of that before it gets worst. Good luck!

BoringNews · May 31, 2012, 04:42 PM

I am also a 13 year old with ADHD and I've always been self centered but not in an intentionally cruel way. My mind changed dramatically when I turned 13 but I don't want to get into that. I hate it when people talk to me different or when adults treat me as if I'm "special" that just makes me want to knock them out. So I would not do that if he is anything like me. You probably won't understand this, my parents don't either but the only thing that keeps me away from doing extremely destructive stuff is playing videogames. It makes my mind focus and I forget everything that happens in the world, everything I see in the world makes me sad like I want to cry every time I see a person just even flicking another kid. What you need to do is give him something that will completely distract him from everything else and treat him with extreme care because every ADHD kid I know has an extremely sensitive emotional state of mind, including myself. Another thing is you need to find his weak point whether it be his strength or his smarts, and passively let out in a conversation how he is really strong or really smart, like pretend to be dumb or something so he can correct you. Stop giving him chores too just every once in a while give him one thing to do because his mind can't handle that kind of stress, and yes chores are a big stressor for us kids. The more you put on his plate the better chance he will avoid it. And give him something to look forward to, for example if something bad happens to him that makes him get mad or sad give him something that he will be like "This will all go away in a couple of minutes as soon as I get too...." But mind you, don't treat him as "Oh this kid has ADHD,I better give him everything." Do not do that, but do not treat him as if he is on the same standard as all the other normal kids, but that really depends on if he is a smart ADHD kid or not. Another thing is why the hell would you take away his bike? Nobody cares if there bike is taken away, no offense. I hope this was helpful.

jojomamma4 · Jan 10, 2013, 07:20 PM

Hello BoringNews, your very intuitive with your comments about ADD kids. I am a mother of a 13 year old boy who is having a hard time and your comments made me laugh and feel much better. You should write a blog for kids with ADD. We can all use your humor, while are kids are going through the terrible teens.
Your fan,
Jo-Ann

lesleyg777 · May 15, 2013, 12:16 PM

I agree... nice to hear. It's so hard to sit and listen to your own child for some reason... daily life gets in the way and we tend to forget. My son, also 13, loves video games and can totally focus on them - he does help me out a bit but it's his attitude and the way he speaks to me that really irritates me. I don't want to take the computer away because I know that is the only thing that helps him. I think that I may have to use a schedule however to really help him focus on his time and how much time he spends on just one task... I think I'm on the right track... Will keep you posted. Cheers!