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csquared · Jun 12, 2007, 03:19 PM

So I started dating a guy about a month ago and I let him know even before we started dating that I "used to be emo" (I used the word emo to make it seem less serious) and later let him know that I used to cut myself. I hadn't cut myself for a period of about 6 months and around the time that I graduated from high school I was feeling a lot of pressure from my family about the future and I just had to do it. When he saw the cuts on my thighs he told me that if he ever saw anymore he would do something a lot worse to himself. Well I just moved away from my home town and I'm going to college in a different city, with a whole semester jammed into a 5 week summer course and I'm dealing with a lot of family and social stuff right now. I couldn't stop myself from cutting last night. I'm afraid what he's going to do when he sees them.

I don't know what to do. Tell him or just let him discover them?
What do I say when he sees them?

Wondergirl · Jun 12, 2007, 03:32 PM

I would rather you were wondering instead, "How can I stop cutting?" When he sees the cuts (or even before he does), I want you to tell him that you need his support and love very much because you are going to meet with a counselor who specializes in working with cutters.

Then, um, find such a counselor and make an appointment.

AKaeTrue · Jun 12, 2007, 03:45 PM

I'm just wondering, what's "emo"?

I think you should get help for the cutting instead of worrying yourself
About what your boyfriend is going to think or do.

I think it was pretty immature of him to say that next time you cut, he was going to do something worse to himself...

Try popping yourself with a rubber-band instead and get to counselor that specializes in this or talk to a counselor at your collage. They'll
Be able to get you the help you need.

csquared · Jun 12, 2007, 03:50 PM

But he will see them... idon't want him to be mad

man909 · Jun 12, 2007, 03:56 PM

Well its best not to tell him you cut yourself. But go to a psychologist for help. Tell him that you feal a bit emotional and you don't want to get back in the habbit of cutting yourself. But hide your cuts and don't tell him for his safety. But I also think that he needs some help because he seems emotional if he is willing to hurt himself for u. Its very bad to have someone that is emotional in the reationship its worse to have both. I would also look to religion as guidance in you have 1. if you got any other questions just ask.

Wondergirl · Jun 12, 2007, 03:59 PM

He won't get mad if he knows you're getting some real help.

csquared · Jun 12, 2007, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by man909

But hide your cuts and dont tell him .

That will be hard. I cut myself on my thighs and I'm in a different city right now so he wom't see them for a while. But when he visits me on some weekends we're guaranteed to have sex. He'll know something's up if I'm weird about it

man909 · Jun 12, 2007, 06:06 PM

How long will you b away from him?

csquared · Jun 12, 2007, 07:11 PM

Until next weekend

man909 · Jun 12, 2007, 08:45 PM

Well ide get to a psychologist before this weekend and see if the person will have some ideas and when your boyfriend is back go at times that he would never possibly figure out you were gone. And maby the psychologist could figure out a way to have you show him how u feal about this.

Wondergirl · Jun 12, 2007, 10:41 PM

I reread your initial post. I say tell him, and, like I said earlier in this thread, tell him you are going to get help. Guys like to problem-solve, so throw yourself onto his good wishes for you and ask his advice about it. Talking about this might be the most intimate thing the two of you have ever done.

As for helping yourself meanwhile, be very mindful of when the anxiety builds up and you get the feeling to cut. Immediately substitute a harmless behavior for it--sing a song, play with a child, run around the block, keep a journal and write down feelings and the situation that led up to the wanting to cut (anger? Anxiety? Fear? Loss of control? Something else?), exercise to happy music, play solitaire online or with real cards--in other words, substitute behaviors immediately and move your mind completely into the new activity.

csquared · Jun 13, 2007, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by man909

well ide get to a psychologist before this weekend and see if the person will have some ideas and when your boyfriend is back go at times that he would never possibly figure out you were gone. and maby the psychologist could figure out a way to have you show him how u feal about this.

THANKS

FF88 · Jun 13, 2007, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by csquared

So I started dating a guy about a month ago and I let him know even before we started dating that i "used to be emo" (I used the word emo to make it seem less serious) and later let him know that I used to cut myself. I hadn't cut myself for a period of about 6 months and around the time that I graduated from high school I was feeling alot of pressure from my family about the future and I just had to do it. When he saw the cuts on my thighs he told me that if he ever saw anymore he would do something alot worse to himself. Well I just moved away from my home town and I'm going to college in a different city, with a whole semester jammed into a 5 week summer course and I'm dealing with alot of family and social stuff right now. I couldn't stop myself from cutting last night. I'm afraid what he's going to do when he sees them.

I don't know what to do. Tell him or just let him discover them?
What do I say when he sees them?

Being a dude who has said similar things as what your boyfriend said... I wouldn't worry too much about him being mad... I've said "if you cut again, ill cut myself too" and I did... but it didn't help anything... this sort of behavior usually manifests out of a subconscious desire to punish people who care about you... and a reaction like his usually comes from trying to show the person cutting how it feels to see someone you care about hurt themselves... but I can't say that that's why you do it - I don't know you. It seems like you do it as a way to deal with stress.
You don't have to go see a psychiatrist or a therapist to help this problem... although the fact that you've posted this in a mental health forum shows that you're interested in getting help from someone. You can also talk to your regular doctor about this sort of thing, although a psychiatrist is more qualified to handle this. I don't know if you take medication or not but it's definitely something to consider... SSRI drugs like Lexapro really can help.