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shahprachi4 · May 27, 2010, 10:34 PM

We both are hindu, but he is from lower caste than me, my parents are not agree for our marriage, we are trying to convince them but no use. Also, I've a elder brother and my parents saying that there will be problems in his marriage because of this. Pleae help me what to do in this situation, I don't want to marry outside w/0 my parents. Please help me friends.

talaniman · May 28, 2010, 07:50 AM

What problems do they site, and what are your responses to their concerns? How old are you both?

shahprachi4 · May 28, 2010, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

What problems do they site, and what are your responses to their concerns? How old are you both?

Thanks a lot for a reply. My parents are worried about their reputation in relatives and society, and very much dependent on relatives for marriage matter. But I as well as they also knew that no one relative was never helpful for us. I'm still convincing them but they said no means no. we both are highly educated and 27 yrs old.

talaniman · May 28, 2010, 09:56 PM

You may be educated but, can you both be independent of both families? Is he taking care of his own family? If your family is against you, will his family support you? How does his family feel about the matter? They likely will be on his side in any argument, and what would a marriage mean for the children you may have? I assume you are somewhere in India, and it is not unheard of that he may exercise his rights as the head of the house, and keep you isolated, and obligated to take care of his family. So I must ask yet another annoying question, how does he propose to manage all of this?

It's a lot to consider, plus how his family will accept you into their household, and how your family reacts to you if they remain unconvinced this is the right thing to do.

You have to understand that marriages start with love strong enough to think you can conquer all, but later your love will be severely tested by life, and society. How long have you known him, and how long have you wanted to marry?

Convincing your parents would be the best way to go, but he will have had to prove he is worthy in their eyes despite his lower caste. I seriously doubt, they will take his word about what he WILL do in the future, as they are already set against his caste. If he is not established well already, his road, and yours is long and difficult.

While I respect their concerns, I do not agree with them, as I feel that young people should chose their path, and work through the obstacles of life, no matter how difficult. So convincing them, may be impossible. But maybe your mothers counsel can help, or at least guide you to some good arguments to make on your side. Maybe she has some influence with your father, I don't know, but that may be the only route you have is to influence those against this marriage one person at a time and hope despite his caste, he can impress them with his best qualities.