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jlccjw · Aug 6, 2007, 10:30 AM

Hi everyone,
My husband and I are very frustrated at this point. He has two children with his ex. Her husband is abusive to her and them. This summer her family called us and told us that she planned to move to Virginia with the kids and her husband. Her mother finally convinced her to let her take the kids for the summer so we could see them every other week. We have reported abuse to DCYS and they have an investigation pending. Also there has never been a court order for visitation but he does pay child support every week. So we were taking them every other week and the last time we picked them up, they were infested with lice and nothing was being done about it. So we spent all week trying to get rid of them. Then this past weekend, after being gone for a month, their mother shows up and demands us to give the kids back to her. Supposedly she has left her abusive husband and is now living with her parents in a 4 ROOM apartment with 10 people! The girls did not want to go back, they cried. But we called the police and they told us there was nothing they could do because we didn't have anything in writing. So aside from filing court papers, we don't know what else to do. We are worried that she is going to move away with them and we will never see them again and no one is willing to help us with this. We didn't file the paperwork sooner with the court because they kept telling us that we couldn't without an address for her, which she refused to give us. We are just so frustrated. The girls are not being taken care of and have been in violent situations for years now. Does anyone know what our rights are? Could we possibly gain sole custody of them? How do we do this quickly before she leaves the state with them? If anyone has been in this situation, please contact me as I would love to talk with someone who can give us advise. Thank you!

Foxy459459 · Aug 6, 2007, 10:48 AM

I don't know what state you live in but do yourself and your husbond a favor make sure you WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. The judge only cares about what you can prove. Get a lawyer. And how old are the kids? Because you should try to get them in come kind of councling so that way they have a voice in court. Its going to be a messy court battle but if you play your cards right you will get them. Document everything that has happened how they look when you pick them up and what goes on with them. Go to the court house and tell them what is going on and they should give you an emergency court date so you can pleed your case to the judge. I went through something similar with my son. Keep your head up and please just don't lose your temper and makesure you and your husbond stay cool through out this because you don't want to give her a leg to stand on in court. Good luck to you and your family.

macksmom · Aug 6, 2007, 10:54 AM

Take a look at the divorce decree between your husband and his exwife... the children have to be mentioned in there. She will not be able to move to another state without being in comtempt... she has to have consent from your husband.
I agree with Foxy... start a diary and write down EVERYTHING... the lice, the abuse, EVERYTHING and make sure its dated etc... it will give an account of what is going on. I would definitely see about getting an emergency hearing to remove the children from this unsuitable situation... you mentioned that her parents called you... would they be willing to testify on your behalf?

ScottGem · Aug 6, 2007, 10:59 AM

Its not necessarily true that she will not be able to move. It depends on the terms of the divorce. If there is no formal custody/visitation arrangement, there may be nothing blocking a move. So you need to get to the court and ask for a temporary order preventing them from moving the kids. If you don't have a lawyer GET ONE!

macksmom · Aug 6, 2007, 11:06 AM

Well that's what I meant by checking the divorce papers... when children are involved, the divorce papers has to mention the custody of the children. And that may take some of the fear away, as far as them moving. I know I wasn't married to my daughters dad, and even though I have full/sole custody of her, I would still have to get his permission to move to another state... I had to get his permission to take her on a vacation to Jamacia :/
Granted she could still up and move, regardless of what the papers say, she would just be in contempt... and you would have to file against her, and they would have to track her down. I totally agree with ScottGem and you need to get a lawyer ASAP to stop the process of her possibly leaving before it starts... and to get those kids in a safe household.

Good luck!

jlccjw · Aug 9, 2007, 09:37 AM

Hi everyone,
Thanks for responding. Just to clarify a few things- my husband was never married to his children's mother so there is no divorce paperwork nor was there ever anything in writing pertaining to visitations when they broke up. We cannot afford a lawyer, unfortunately. The children are 6 and 7 years old. Her parents would not be willing to testify because now that she is back in NH, they have taken her in and said they are going to help her to better her life. So now she lives with them and the children in a 2 bedroom apt with 10 people!! Its craziness! The social worker called me and told me that she interviewed the girls and they are very concerned. So she told me to file for an Ex Parte hearing- basically an emergency hearing to get them out of their mother's custody. Cross your fingers for us!!

startover22 · Aug 9, 2007, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by jlccjw

Hi everyone,
Thanks for responding. Just to clarify a few things- my husband was never married to his children's mother so there is no divorce paperwork nor was there ever anything in writing pertaining to visitations when they broke up. We cannot afford a lawyer, unfortunatley. The children are 6 and 7 years old. Her parents would not be willing to testify because now that she is back in NH, they have taken her in and said they are going to help her to better her life. So now she lives with them and the children in a 2 bedroom apt with 10 people!!!! Its craziness! The social worker called me and told me that she interviewed the girls and they are very concerned. So she told me to file for an Ex Parte hearing- basically an emergency hearing to get them out of their mother's custody. Cross your fingers for us!!!!!

Emergency hearing is going to be extremely important. We just went through this with three foster kids, but we were trying to get them back with their mother. Judges can be very strict and things may be said that you don't agree with. I get the feeling the mother is NOT going to win this one. I wish you all the luck in the world, be strong and keep standing up for them, they can't do it themselves... Hugs to you sweet. Start

ScottGem · Aug 9, 2007, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by jlccjw

We cannot afford a lawyer, unfortunatley.

Cross your fingers for us!!!!!

You can't afford NOT to have an attorney. Family court can be a very tricky thing to navigate. Without an attorney you may be wasting your time in an ex parte hearing. Even a legal aid atty is better than none.

startover22 · Aug 9, 2007, 10:06 AM

Yes, and they have attorney help out there. You need to do some searching so you can get one before the hearing... when is it?

jlccjw · Aug 9, 2007, 11:32 AM

The hearing is on Monday. I will look into Legal Aid but don't know if they can help us. We have found that resources around here are pretty few and far between. I am calling the social worker today and am going to see if she can either come to court that day or at least send in her report. Thanks!

startover22 · Aug 9, 2007, 11:33 AM

I hope she can help, it will be extremely important to have someone on your side. Good luck.

startover22 · Aug 14, 2007, 03:59 PM

I was just wondering how it went yesterday? I hope you are busy with the kids so you can't get on to tell us what happened. I hope it all works out for you! Hugs, Start

jlccjw · Aug 16, 2007, 09:45 AM

Hey everyone!
They did not grant us the emergency custody on Monday. So, we now wait for the hearing date. We did take the girls on Monday and brought them back yesterday. Their mother gave us a hard time about it but I was able to convince her to let us see them for a few days. The girls had lice again pretty bad and also told us that their mother is talking with her husband again and she told them if he changes his life then she will give him another chance. So now the girls say they want to stay with their mother. At this point, we don't know what to do. The girls seemed angry with us because we think their mother and grandmother had been telling them things for the last two weeks because the girls asked my mother in law why daddy was taking them away from their mother. The girls are usually very good and they did not listen at all when we had them. They were very defiant. When we asked them anything, they said, we don't want to talk about it- almost like it was rehearsed. So, I don't know. We should get papers soon with a hearing date and we will just go from there. Thanks for all your support! :)

startover22 · Aug 16, 2007, 10:14 AM

Of course they are going to be angry. I was hoping they could stay with you. Sorry to hear that. Even if they aren't being told things they will be upset. They are going to feel like they are being fought over. Lice is not a life threatening issue, so if that is all they are seeing as to why you want them in your home, this will not go over well. Did you get anyone to help? Lawyer? I sure wish you luck sweet. I really do.

jlccjw · Aug 16, 2007, 12:18 PM

The lice isn't the major issue but it will become one if the girls cannot get rid of it because then they won't be allowed in school. They had it 9 times last year and were sent home from school with it. I would consider that neglect because their mother is not treating them to get rid of it. Anyway, the main issue is the fact that their abusive step-father might be coming back and DCYF has already said if she brings them around him, they will be taken away. I just wish she would see what this is doing to her daughters. We told them that we only want them happy and if that means them staying with their mother if that's what they want, then they can stay as long as they are safe. It will just be hard to make sure of that if their step-father comes back. I will let you know when the hearing is and what happens with it. Even if we just get joint custody- that is a step forward at this point. Thanks for listening! :)

startover22 · Aug 16, 2007, 12:20 PM

Oh, I am more clear now. Thanks for explaining. Yes, I would love an update. I really hope the best, and it shows that you do too!