[meirav]

I have a friend who two years ago stopped talking to me for four months because she was suffering from clinical depression, and withdrew. During that time, she would not respond to letters, emails, etc. We had been inseparable before that. Since then, our friendship was more distant.

However, during our friendship, she's seen me do a lot of stupid and unkind things.

A year and a half ago, she changed jobs, and I have not been able to spend much time with her. I have invited her to several things this year, mostly related to holidays. Every time, she has declined OR something has come up. I asked her whether she was dropping hints, and she said that she was just busy. She said she didn't have time for her own kid. In fact two months ago, she said she wanted to see me, that things would get less crazy at work. However, a month passed and she didn't call me. She politely declined to attend a small party at my house earlier this month.

I reacted badly, sending a text "So what else is new?" I also sent snail mail saying "It looks like you no longer want to be my friend. I'd love it if you changed your mind." I let her know that I didn't believe in discarding friends, so I would welcome her becoming friends later. Some emails and texts, however, took a more bullying tone, "I knew you didn't like me." "I see you've finally decided to be honest with me," etc. Another letter told my feelings of regret for not giving her the benefit of the doubt, fear that she didn't like me, and uncertainty about what was going on. I received no response. The only thing she has done is blocked invitations from MyPunchBowl.com (like eVite). I sent a reply asking why, and she did not reply. I have received no other communication from her, whatsoever. It's been about a month and a half.

Is it more likely that she's decided that she no longer wants to be my friend or that she's depressed again?

[JudyKayTee]

Very possibly she really needed you to understand at a time when you simply weren't there for her.

I'd stick with a birthday card and/or a Christmas card and she'll either find her way back to the friendship or she won't.

I don't see hounding her - not that you're doing that - as solving anything.

[JudyKayTee]

You disagreed, gave me a reddie because SHE withdrew. Here are your own words: "I reacted badly, sending a text "So what else is new?" I also sent snail mail saying "It looks like you no longer want to be my friend. I'd love it if you changed your mind." I let her know that I didn't believe in discarding friends, so I would welcome her becoming friends later. Some emails and texts, however, took a more bullying tone, "I knew you didn't like me." "I see you've finally decided to be honest with me," etc. Another letter told my feelings of regret for not giving her the benefit of the doubt, fear that she didn't like me, and uncertainty about what was going on. I received no response. The only thing she has done is blocked invitations from MyPunchBowl.com (like eVite). I sent a reply asking why, and she did not reply back. I have received no other communication from her, whatsoever. It's been about a month and a half."

You don't find that confrontational? Never mind. I guess you don't.

Is this the same person you posted about who boke off contact with you some time ago? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...tml#post851702

[meirav]

I put up the disagree because of the phrase "she really needed you to understand at a time when you simply weren't there for her." Was the disagree a reputational mark? I didn't mean to give you a bad mark for reputation, only to clarify my post.

I was simply trying to say that when she pulled away two years ago from depression, it wasn't because I wasn't there for her. It was because she was depressed.

Yes, I was confrontational. My question was did she stop returning my messages from depression or because she has decided she doesn't want anything to do with me? She's normally a very upfront person.

[JudyKayTee]

Please read the rules of the site - it was a bad reputation mark. However, I have never expected everyone to agree with me. I have 14,000 plus posts - your disagree isn't going to upset the apple cart.

I have no idea why she didn't return your calls. We're not psychics, quite frankly. I don't think confrontating a depressed person is very helpful but you know her much better than I do.

Is this the same friend you had a problem with some time ago?

[araina]

Hey I can give you some advice on this.
I went through the same thing but I was in her place not yours.
I cut down on all my friends.I would not meet them,switch off my phone,lock my door and pretend as if am not home and stuff like that.not because I didn't like my friends.its just that when you are depressed you just can't think of meeting friends or having fun.
Even after coming out of it I have issues meeting them or being myself again.not becaise I hate them.because I lost myself in the middle and it takes time to make yourself the same person you were.

Give her some time.she doesn't hate you.the more you run behind him/her the more she ll run away from you.
Give her some space.she ll come back when she is ready to face the real world again

[springfall79]

This happened to me as well, my friend was depressed because her grandma died. I wanted to contact her but all she did was ignore me. I find it hard to have a friend who you really care about but they don't give you have same respect. So, what I did was I started to make new friends, friends who enjoy talking to you, getting to know you, and also friends who stay with you. I had to ditch my 'so' called friend who I thought was my BFF. So I recommend going out and finding new people to hang out with, and see if she would come back for you, if so, you guys can be friends again!

[JudyKayTee]

This is from 2009 - I'm sure it's solved by now.