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    Forever2b's Avatar
    Forever2b Posts: 22, Reputation: -2
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    #1

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:26 PM
    He does drugs and I'm against that.
    I don't judge people.
    But I have my friends who act and think most like me... we don't do drugs... we don't get drunk at parties and rarely are we even in a position to have to say no to that stuff because were just not around it...
    Like I said, I don't judge people.. buts its not like I go up to every person I see smoking a joint and ask them to be my friend...
    Through classes and school I got to know a boy... and figured much about him that I never would have known... Funniest person alive.. Nicest guy, deep and sensitive and just everything basically perfect... except he's in that drug crowd... and well, I know he likes me... he's basically told me... he says the nicest things to me all the time, makes me meltttt inside and well... the truth is I know I like him too... and he even always says "you and me... no one could ever see that... because im a smoker.. and you hate smokers :( "
    I tell him that I don't hate smokers I just don't like to think that their harming their bodies and getting addicted and stuff... he says I'm the kind of girl that doesn't have to say anything, I just make him want to quit so that he can tell me he didn't smoke once today!

    WHAT do I do :(
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #2

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:35 PM

    Listen, I used to smoke, I'm fifteen, I started when I was eleven, and I started smoken pot when I was thirteen, my ex girlfreind hated me for that, I quit this year because she dumped me over my addictions, if he really likes you he will quit, you just have to ask him
    spitvenom's Avatar
    spitvenom Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 373
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    #3

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:36 PM

    You can ask him to quit he might try or he might not. Most people are not going to change. You can ask the list of my non smoking ex's about it.
    Forever2b's Avatar
    Forever2b Posts: 22, Reputation: -2
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    #4

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:39 PM

    The thing is I don't want to ask him to change... I can't change him...
    He said he's trying to quit for his parents... all the people he cares about and most importantly for himself... but I mean its hard... and I don't know what to do... I'm so against it but I like him so much
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #5

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:44 PM

    If he likes you, he will change, for you, not himself
    simoneaugie's Avatar
    simoneaugie Posts: 2,490, Reputation: 438
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    #6

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:57 PM

    Are we talking about smoking cigarettes or pot? If he can give up hanging out with his group of friends, he can change, for himself. Quitting for his parents or even for love won't work in the long term. He must quit because he wants to be free, for himself.

    Cigarettes are addicting in a very different way than marijuana. Read up on them so you understand what he is going through. Whether he quits or not, knowledge is power.
    Forever2b's Avatar
    Forever2b Posts: 22, Reputation: -2
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    #7

    Dec 9, 2008, 02:59 PM

    Thanks, and that's what I mean... I can't make him change... because for him to truly change is because he wants to...
    He says he always tries to do the firhg thing but it always just messes things up even more... he seems to have it rough
    Its weed he does...
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #8

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by simoneaugie View Post
    Are we talking about smoking cigarettes or pot? If he can give up hanging out with his group of friends, he can change, for himself. Quitting for his parents or even for love won't work in the long term. He must quit because he wants to be free, for himself.

    Cigarettes are addicting in a very different way than marijuana. Read up on them so you understand what he is going through. Whether he quits or not, knowledge is power.

    Some times you can't just do things for yourself, sweatheart, you have to do things for others
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #9

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:02 PM

    I smoked both pot and ciggies, I quit three weeks ago, you don't think I got it rough
    Forever2b's Avatar
    Forever2b Posts: 22, Reputation: -2
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    #10

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:03 PM

    Good for you, I hope everything goes good for you

    And... if you don't mind me asking... what made you quit?
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #11

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:04 PM

    It controlled my life, I get upset, I smoke, I get hungry, I smoke, I get thirsty, I smoke, I get horny, I smoke, I couldn't take it
    simoneaugie's Avatar
    simoneaugie Posts: 2,490, Reputation: 438
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    #12

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:09 PM

    Weed helps focus the mind in a way different than current reality. For some, it becomes psychologically necessary to be focused in that way. Looking for a job that requires a urinalysis is a problem when you are a pot smoker. There are those who smoke weed their entire lives and are productive members of society. But, it is still illegal right now.

    If he finds new people to hang out with who don't smoke, that will take away some of the habit. Hanging out with him as a friend is a viable option, as long as marajuana isn't part of your relationship.
    chrissymarie's Avatar
    chrissymarie Posts: 563, Reputation: 53
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    #13

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:15 PM

    You should definitely read up on marijuana use. You seem to sound a little nieve about it. You need to understand what he's feeling and going through. If you decide to pursue him and you know smoking marijuana is something you don't want to te involved with make sure he's really quit and won't go back because the last thing you want to do is start dating him and then try to get him to change his habits.
    Forever2b's Avatar
    Forever2b Posts: 22, Reputation: -2
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    #14

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:19 PM

    Thank you and goodluck with completely overcoming your situation
    Forever2b's Avatar
    Forever2b Posts: 22, Reputation: -2
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    #15

    Dec 9, 2008, 03:29 PM

    That's pretty powerful
    And don't worry, once the rough patch is over things will only get better for you
    SimpleguyJoe's Avatar
    SimpleguyJoe Posts: 302, Reputation: 68
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    #16

    Dec 9, 2008, 04:09 PM

    You can't force the guy to change. That will NEVER work. You have to make him want to change for you. Even then he might go straight back to step1 if things even look like they are going south.

    I would say maybe let this guy in a little more. Tell him your not going to make him quit smoking but that your not going to see or talk to him while he is high.

    Fighting for a mans heart against weed or other drugs is often a losing battle... I smoked consistenly for 6-8 months and then finally realized all it was going to do is ruin my life but for that time I would not of given up smoking for anything.

    So you have to find something that works and he has to be willing in the first place to try to get himself off it. Maybe start doing some outside things together?


    EDIT: You know Simoneaugie there are plenty of people like hotel staff, gas station attendits, and even some more demanding places where people smoke and do a fine job. But again the facts are their for the giant majority of users weed makes them Jittery (even if they feel calm), forget major details and that spells crisis for an important job. Again I'm not saying some people don't do it and get away with it because hell I'm sure that even some CEO's of good companys might smoke and do fine.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #17

    Dec 9, 2008, 04:32 PM

    I agree with simpleguyjoe but want to add also that one sign that he is not trying to change is if he keeps hanging around with the same group and doesn't do anything that appears to be trying to do things different.
    I think if you are interested in this guy you should get to know him better as a friend first because many guys know all the right words
    And how to make you meltttt inside.
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #18

    Dec 9, 2008, 05:01 PM

    Listen, inorder to break an addiction, there must be force involved, wheather its from yourself, or some one who's close to you

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