[LJDK]

I read an article about porn addiction. They said one of the biggest dangers is that people addicted to porn are prone to act out the desires they fantasize about while watching porn.

Recently I have started watching it again. Mostly because I am stressed from work and use it as a coping mechanism. I am tempted to say its because I am not getting enough but truth is even when I was getting enough from the misses I would still watch porn.

And now that I am no longer getting enough, I am starting to find myself thinking about getting it somewhere else. Using the excuse I am not getting enough from the misses. I have gone as far as looking at fling websites etc.

I love my girl too much and I know the logical thing to do, and the right thing would be to abstain from this behaviour. But I think it is safe to say that porn addiction does lead to acting out. I am confident that if I stay on this path I will eventually do something I will regret for the rest of my life.

It is said a habit takes 3 days to form and 21 days to break. Perhaps it would be wise to delete all my porn. But the my main concern is, if I am over excited, I cannot sleep at all. I will toss and turn the entire night.

But lately not even masturbation has helped me get to sleep. Perhaps I am starting to feel guilty. Bah. To concur something and then just fall back into the same rut is ridiculous.

So I guess my question is am I alone? Has anyone ever been addicted to porn; overcame it and then months down the line just fell back into the same rabbit hole?

[mudweiser]

How many times a day to you watch porn? Are you still physical with your significant other?


Personal experience time:

At one point I was watching porn maybe 8-10x a day. It started to get to be a lot. I liked the getting the end feeling but I realized that I was really watching a ton of porn because I felt so lonely. I was watching solo porn [just a couple] and it went to double penetration to group sex to safe rape gangbangs... I came to the point where I was at looking "punish porn". Eeek. Regular porn was just not enough for me.

I shut off my computer and went to get a life. I went out more, went to the gym, made more friends, just did stuff other than being on the net.

I still watch porn, maybe 2 times a week if not less.

Porn can be addicting and if you watch it enough it could start numbing you.

My suggestion is, cut down on the porn and do something about your problem.

What is stressing you out? Deal with it.

You could also do some boxing, going to the bar with the boys to watch some UFC fights, spend more time with your lady and maybe go to a tantric yoga class [look up tantric yoga-- you'll like it!].

Well that's my two centavos.

[mudweiser]

Oops, forgot to answer your initial question.

I never acted out. It was fantasy to me because well in reality, 5 guys wanting to insert into me is a little scary and I don't like anal sex [it just hurts... ].

-----
As for you, get off the fling sites, I'm sure your significant other would fling off on you and tell you to fling yourself.

[LJDK]

We got back from leave about 3 weeks ago, and had lots and lots of sex for 2 weeks. Maybe 2 - 3 times a day. And then I went fishing with the boys because she wanted to do her own thing that night. Since then the sex stopped. So yes and no. For the past 8 days we have had no sex, I try and try but she just gets irritated with me.

I watch it about 3 times a day. Stressors are the sudden stop in sexual activity after receiving it sooo much. Work. Money.

Guess I will delete it when I get off work and try to become a bit more social again. It should help I hope.

[mudweiser]

You should talk to her about this.

I quote Synnen "If you can't talk to your partner about sex then you shouldn't be in the relationship at all" [or something to the effect].

[LJDK]

We do. And I understand her. Its her job. 9 hours a day on her feet, cutting hair, forcing a smile on her face to keep clients happy etc.

It's a pretty demanding job. So I don't blame her. And I don't expect her to make love if she had a hard days work. To make matters worse she will only have an off day in 2 weeks time.

They don't get weekends off like some of us. I really feel for her. And it is also a stressor considering we only get to see each other from 8-pm - 9 pm then she goes to bed.

And I guess I am starting to feel a little lonely.
Perhaps she somehow knows I watch porn, and this turns her off too.

[mudweiser]

Besides trying to "jump on it"-- have you tried doing little things for her?
-make dinner [even if it is a garbage salad while she's facebooking or something-- psst garbage salad is basically lettuce with whatever looks good in the fridge]
-rub her back or feet
-rent a movie and make some popcorn
-write her a sticky note and tell her you love her and put it somewhere she'll find it
-tell her she's beautiful
-kiss her unexpectedly
-turn on some music and just dance around her and make her laugh
-give her a flower [a daisy cost what 1$]

Sometimes to "get" sex you have to get intimate in other ways.

You may not have sex 3 times a day, on average couples have sex 2-4 times a week so don't try to aim too high buck-o;)

[LJDK]

Hears what I tried last night.
Step 1: Full body massage when she got home.
Step 2: Kisses and compliments.
Step 3: Making her laugh with jokes and acting super energized
Step 4 : Take her for a romantic dinner, cocktails good laughs.
Step 5 : Kiss her (Then she says... good night and goes to bed)
Step 6 : Kiss her goodnight and do watch porn. Alone

Lol

[Synnen]

Yes... but...

If you're doing all of that with the AIM of getting laid, we women know it.

Then it feels like you're buying us off with "fake" romance just to get into our pants.

Do you do the "little" things around the house on a regular basis? Hearts in the steam on the mirror? Garbage out, bed made, laundry folded? Believe it or not, you doing the housework is as much a turn on as a romantic dinner is.

[smoothy]

What is your idea of "Acting out"?

Is it doing anything other than a puritanical missionary position? Something that might be deems the only socially acceptable thing say... in the 1600's like during the Salem witch trials? Or something a LOT mnore exciting? A lot of people get great ideas from porn to keep it interesting in the confines of a monogomous relationship.

[excon]

I read an articel about porn addiction. They said one of the biggest dangers is that people addicted to porn are prone to act out the desires they fantasize about while watching porn.

Hello LJ:

Not so. Did you see the Terminator? Which part did you want to act out?

excon

[Cat1864]

Porn can not make you do anything that you don't already want to do.

After reading your past posts, I think you have been working yourself up to finding an excuse to get what you 'need' outside your relationship. Porn is just the latest rug to sweep your other issues under.

I think you need to decide if the relationship is really working for you because there seem to be a lot of reasons you and she aren't having sex (her job, her past, her slower libido, etc.) I doubt it is the porn and masturbation that is putting her off now but once again feeling like you only want her for sex.

[Jake2008]

Is it possible that she is a little hesitent in the desire department, simply because you watch so much porn?

You asked about porn leading to acting out.

That is putting two horses before the cart.

You put the porn first, followed by the acting out (looking at fling websites).

Before the porn and acting out, you are missing a good chunk of understanding this.

Wife-then porn, then acting out.

I see a lot of missing information, and a lot of excuses (work, money problems, lack of interest from your wife.

If she were to have sex with you 50 times a day, there are still problems with you putting porn and fling websites as equal partners in this.

Any addiction is a result of something with a cause, and belongs to the person who owns it. You making choices to go to extremes with porn, to the point where it's affecting your marriage, and your life, is really where the problem starts.

More sex, isn't the answer.

It is you that has to take the initiative to seek counselling with your wife, and put the truth on the table. If it turns out to be you needing gratification because of all the stress in your life, you have to learn how to manage the stress in your life.

If there are deeper issues, such as trust and communication (as I suspect there is- she knows about the porn thing, and is probably put off by it), the porn is only one part of what is going on here. The obvious part, and the part that you think is the problem, compounded by the thinking that somehow she causes you to do the porn in the first place.

You have choices. Get to the truth, be truthful, put your wife on a even footing without blaming her for your problems, and find out what problems exist together. Work hard to fix them.

"she made me do it" or " the devil made me do it" or "my job, stress level, raging hormones made me do it" are only the results.

Find out, with your wife, how to communicate, and address problems together.

[smoothy]

Your wife or girlfriend isn't there exclusively for you to get off. If you are stressed at work look at other stress busting activities. Lift weights, go jogging, take up yoga or meditation.

Trick is not focusing on one and one thing only for stress relief... sex or chocolate cake... there are better stress busters out there.

[mudweiser]

Jake2008 agrees: I think we should exclude chocolate, no woman worth her sugar can live without it.

Hells you.

[LJDK]

Thx for all the great responses.
I talked to her, and she recommend we both start taking up some hobbies. She reckons it would learn us both to unwind a little and give me something else to focus on instead of my libido.

I am a really lucky man to have her in my life and cannot believe I was even considering something else. I am a fool.

[LJDK]

yes....but....

If you're doing all of that with the AIM of getting laid, we women know it.

Then it feels like you're buying us off with "fake" romance just to get into our pants.

Do you do the "little" things around the house on a regular basis? Hearts in the steam on the mirror? garbage out, bed made, laundry folded? Believe it or not, you doing the housework is as much a turn on as a romantic dinner is.

Still do chores on a regular basis, but now that you mention it, I no longer really leave small hearts and stuff around :(

Guess I have been slipping

[JoeCanada76]

Everybody slips but what is fun is getting back into romance again. Things will get better, with communication and love.