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careann25 · Jan 2, 2010, 10:29 AM

Ok I lived in Oklahoma from the time my daughter was born until this past October when I moved to flee a very emotional abusive situation. My husband helped me pack my things into a friends van and move. He was currently in a online relationship with someone so he didn't care that we left. My daughter is now three years old. He has made little effort until this past week to talk to her, hasn't sent any type of support not a birthday or christmas present or card or anything. Now because I refuse to come back he is trying to take custody of her. My problem is Oklahoma has jurisdiction over her but it is not safe for me to go back there to file paperwork on him. Is their anyway that I can get Virginia to take jurisdiction over her for safety reasons. I have always been her main care giver. He couldn't even keep her for two days while I had a hysteroctomy back in March, I have papers from Dr's stating how abusive he is. Please if you can give me any advice I'd greatly appreciate it.

ScottGem · Jan 2, 2010, 10:40 AM

You made a big mistake by just moving out without filing for divorce. At this point, OK does have jurisdiction and I'm not sure you can get it changed without the father's consent.

You will need to retain an attorney to represent you in OK and either try for a change of jurisdiction or allow you to appear by phone. Use your documentation of his abuse as support for this.

careann25 · Jan 2, 2010, 11:36 AM

Yes I know leaving Oklahoma without filing was a huge mistake but in the situation I had to leave to be safe for not only myself but my daughter. I'm wondering if my mom can represent me through power of attorney as well as appearing by phone.

ScottGem · Jan 2, 2010, 11:59 AM

You can certainly give your mom limited power of attorney to act for you in this matter. But I would still recommend her hiring an attorney.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 2, 2010, 03:09 PM

You can hire an attorney over the phone to do the legal work, but when there are court dates, you will be required to appear in court and the child may well be required to be in court. With a power of attorney she can do some leg work for you, but in court the other side has the right to question you, the judge will have to be able to ask you questions, so you will have to return there for court.

Also sorry "not safe" why, don't go see anyone who is harmful, can't you perhaps stay with mom if needed when in court

careann25 · Jan 2, 2010, 04:14 PM

I don't plan on going to see anyone who is not safe. Problem is that I can not afford to make it back to Oklahoma to file things on him. I am researching and saying a lot of prayers that this all works out in the best interest of her. I'd love nothing more then for her to know a loving caring father but he is not. He is using her as a pawn to get to and hurt me. He's never been a care giver for her and she barely even knows him even though I lived with him for almost all of her first three years of life.

cdad · Jan 2, 2010, 04:21 PM

Has he filed papers already for custody and/or divorce ? Its not clear if something has been filed or if he is threatening to file.

careann25 · Jan 2, 2010, 05:09 PM

He is threatening to file he has not filed anything as of yet...

cdad · Jan 2, 2010, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by careann25

He is threatening to file he has not filed anything as of yet....

That changes everything. Your against the time clock and if you become a resident of the state your currently in and nothing still has been filed you can file there. You may be able to now but its slim even with the safety issue because you have been away for months and right now he is no danger to you so long as your apart.

ScottGem · Jan 2, 2010, 05:20 PM

Check with VA about how long you have to establish residence. Generally its 6 months. Jurisdiction will remain in OK until you have established residency. If he files before then, jurisdiction will remain in OK. So the minute you qualify as a VA resident you need to file, if he hasn't.