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babbs · Dec 18, 2006, 09:36 PM

Hi, glad to have found this. I had a baby in July of this year, already knew that adoption would be best choice . I am 19 yrs old, 18 when baby was born. I had not told any family about pregnancy or my decision for adoption. I had lived on my own for 1 1/2 yrs. Anyway a family member got concerned about me and couldn't locate me. They called hospitals, the one I had delivered at informed them I had been discharged, but a baby was in intensive care nursery to be adopted when health issues were stable. The family member immediately told all family what had happened.I did not want them knowing any of this, I made what I will always believe the right decision. Any help on this appreciated.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2006, 09:53 PM

You don't need any help, just a nod of appreciation for putting the needs of the child before anything else. Hats off to you. I'm sure a good family will be extremely grateful for a chance to love your child.

CaptainForest · Dec 19, 2006, 01:40 AM

Part of what you said concerns me a bit.

You said you told NO ONE you were pregnant.

Does that mean you did NOT tell the father?

Because the father had a right to know.

However if you did tell the father or you simply don't know who the father is, that is another issue.

But if you have this child up for adoption without even telling the father, that was wrong.

ordinaryguy · Dec 19, 2006, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by babbs

The family member immediatly told all family what had happened.I did not want them knowing any of this, i made what i will always believe the right decision. Any help on this appreciated.

So how has your family reacted? It's sad that you didn't feel you could count on them to help and support you through the pregnancy and adoption procedure. You aren't finished with this yet, of course. It will be a lifelong thing to deal with and even though you did do what was best for your baby, there will always be concerns and twinges of regret and possibly guilt to deal with. Especially if your family is judgmental and unsupportive, I would urge you to get some counselling to help you work through the emotional trauma that this experience has been. And yes, what about the father?

jrussole · Dec 19, 2006, 06:50 AM

Sounds like you are getting pretty good advice here, thus far. It is sad that you didn't feel confident in getting the support that you needed during and after the pregnancy. If they are being judgmental and unsupportive than you don't need them taking up any additional space within your heart, emotions and mind about this. Yes, counseling is imperative at this time. And I would also speak to an attorney about your confidentiality at the hospital being exposed. It has caused you un-needed emotinal pain and suffering. If you didn't want anyone to know, that is your choice. But it wasn't the person who gave out your information to your family to make that choice for you. They can be held liabel and infringment of your fundamental rights to privacy. Was this an open adoption? If it was, you will find comfort in the long run of knowing that your child is safe, healthy and in a happy home. But if its not an open adoption, it can be very traumatising for you "not knowing" in the future. Your circumstances may change in years to come. But I will tell you, I am very upset about your rights to privacy being violated!