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mpierce0441 · Apr 25, 2008, 08:03 AM

I have been with my husband for almost six years, but we have only been married just under a year, we have a two year old daughter who we adore... we are both very young, I am just 21 and he he 23, we have only ever known each other, he is all around a good guy, but he has a bad temper, when he is angry or frustrated he throws things, breaks things and just flips out, and it drives me nuts because that was how my father was growing up and it just killed me I couldn't waite to leave my parents house, and I have found myslef back in the same situation, I want to leave but he keeps telling me that Im not taking out daughter and he just made it very clear that is not going to make it easy to leave so I feel trapped because I won't leave without her... he suggested counceling but honestly have already given up on the idea that it will get better, I have closed him out and I have no desire to make it better, I just want out... :(

450donn · Apr 25, 2008, 08:10 AM

If he has suggested counseling then by all means go for it! Remember, you marriage vows, for better or worse. Now is worse. Then only time I would advocate leaving is if you or the baby are physically in danger or if he is verbally abusive, then RUN! Get some help is a better alternative. He needs some anger management counseling too.

Smoked · Apr 25, 2008, 08:20 AM

Wow, what a tough situation. Now, I have to ask, did he not show these tendencies of anger and such in the first few years? Why did you marry him if you knew you hated a person with those tendencies?

450 is right on. Remember your vow and get help. You have to know by now that not everyday is going to be peachy. Remember, you can love someone but not be thrilled with that person at that time. People shouldn't get married if they don't plan on spending the rest of their life with that person. Now, I say that to a point. If he is actually abusing you or are in physically danger in any way you might think of an alternative.

bushg · Apr 25, 2008, 08:23 AM

You are in danger if he is throwing objects around you and your child.

There was a case in my area where an argument broke out and a pair of scissor that was lying near by was thrown and a small child was hit in the eye and lost that eye as a result of a outburst of anger. It was not intentional but the young lady is going to serve prison time and the child is scarred forever. It could have been worse.

Do not take his anger lightly and do not let him hold you hostage with his threats, there are women's groups that can and will help, the police department should be called when he is throwing things around and verbally abusing you.

Even though we do not like how we grow up, we lean toward what is familiar to us. I suggest you get into some type of counseling by yourself so that you can deal with your past, there you will learn why you were drawn to this man that is so much like your father. Even if you never saw this man again chances are that the next relationship would be pretty much the same. Good luck and don't let him continue to bully you.

mpierce0441 · Apr 25, 2008, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by Smoked

Wow, what a tough situation. Now, I have to ask, did he not show these tendencies of anger and such in the first few years? Why did you marry him if you knew you hated a person with those tendencies?

450 is right on. Remember your vow and get help. You have to know by now that not everyday is going to be peachy. Remember, you can love someone but not be thrilled with that person at that time. People shouldn't get married if they don't plan on spending the rest of their life with that person. Now, I say that to a point. If he is actually abusing you or are in physically danger in any way you might think of an alternative.

He didn't start acting like this until we moved in with each other, and we did that because I got pregnant with our daughter...

CaRRazyBootiful · Apr 25, 2008, 08:31 AM

My x was like this and a lot of the time men will say things to try to intimidate and scare you into staying. My x told me all the time that if I ever left him he would take our daugter from me and that I was stupid if I thought he was going to let another man raise our child. Needless to say I left him and our daughter is with me. Now he has made my life very difficult but the truth is as much as he claimed he loved our daughter he hasn't seen her in 2months and doesn't even call to check on her. We are going through a custody battle which is stupid because he's just doing it to hurt me...

If your turned off to him and have closed yourself off its going to take a lot for you to learn to love him again and want to be with him. If you choose to leave then leave but just know that its going to be hard and if will get worse before it gets better, but in the end you have to consider your children. Consider how you fealt growing up in a hostile environment and decide whether you want that for your children. In the end its what's best for them, your responsible for their lives... Good luck

isonesexymom27 · Apr 25, 2008, 08:34 AM

He suggested counseling go for it, my honey is just like that he gets mad when he works on his car or the house if it don't come good the first time he trows his tools and some times breaks them which I think its stupid because then you are going to waste more money but it does gets on my nerves bad but remember they are man and they see thing different than us ,they see it in they own mannly way besides I think its bad for the kids because its not teaching them to have patience but we went to the Dr they prescribed Prozac for his temper it did help for 1 year but now he is off his medication he is back to been grumpy .that is my opinion but it seems like you don't want to give him a chance no more and I understand I didn't gave a chance to my ex husband because of his drinking but he hasn't changed only you know if you still love him to stay there or maybe you don't love him no more and are just making more excuses to leave him because when we don't love some one we just see all the wrong things they do and if you still decide to leave him there its no way he can keep your baby unless you are an unfit mother like drug addict or alcoholic man always say that because they know it scares us to dead to loose our children think about it and let us know how it went good luck

anet · Apr 25, 2008, 02:22 PM

Is the only reason you want to leave is because of his anger? Is his anger related with being alcoholic? What makes him angry most of the time? It is hard to say anything without seeing the whole picture. Do you love him at all? Why don't you want to try the counseling if you love him? That is the least you can do for him. No one is perfect and marriage is sometimes about correcting one another. But when we stop loving someone for any reason, we are just looking for a reason to escape instead of making any sacrifices to make it work better. But again, you know better since you are in the situation. If you can, give it a counseling chance and see if things get better. Give yourself time to see what makes you want to exit immediately. And do the right thing so your life will be free from any kind of guilt. We can only do our part. Once you do your part (in this case your part might be trying the counseling he is offering), you are free to go, no guilt.