[cess]

Cess! Fantastic! I am proud of you. Your life will be so much better.

I hope so . I am not so sure . To be honest I am scared. I hate being alone.

[Chery]

I hope so . I am not so sure . to be honest i am scared. i hate being alone.

Dear Cess, your statement boggles me, you won't be alone! You will have those that you fought for with you, your children! Now is the right time to reflect and get to know each other and get into a trustful routine with them, they are your only stronghold in the future! Men will come and go, but your children will be there for you and you will be there for them. If you think that's loneliness then please re-think. To hold, love, play, laugh, and even have a few spats with them will bond you with more than a man can give you right not. Once this is established, they will probably be more tuned in what type of man is right for their mom and will warn you if the guy is not right. This is your family, for goodness sake, and you need their warmth and trust as much as they need yours.

Now, concentrate on this and you will be rewarded more than you can imagine. Please don't waste the time you have with them, as when they grow and leave the 'nest' you will want to be welcome no matter where they are, in their homes and in their hearts. This will be one of the hardest jobs in your life and needs your full concentration right now.

After this, there will always be time for men - and who knows, they might appreciate a more mature mother who did a job well, than a wishy washy 'dish' or one night stand. This experience will surely make you more proud and valuable to others as well.

Lots of Love and Luck!

Chery

[JoeCanada76]

First of all. You are presumptious in your posts. Your lumping all men in one category and assume that they are all the same. I can not answer those questions. First of all, When my wife and I argue we talk things out and work them out. We do not yell at each other, we both get upset when we argue and do not like it. There is no telling her to get the ---- out. I prefer to work things out right away. Or calm down first. I never ignore my wife, maybe if I am upset and can not talk and my wife usually knows why. Just because there may be fights and arguments does not mean that there is no love there and why would you assume that? Unless maybe you personally do not have any more love for the man. Joe

[cess]

Well time to update you all again. I am still working still have not gotten a place I am staying at a shelter saving my money to get a place. I have not returned to my x and even avoid him as much as I can . He been trying to get me to meet with him but I tell him I have to work even if I don`t. I have desided to think of my childern then myself and intill I am happy in them to areas I can`t be happy with anything else. I am working hard and will be able to keep everyone more up to date not that I sent this link to my email from my other email. Because at work I can get my Yahoo email but not my hotmail so . But anyway I am realizing where I have skrewed up and am stepping up for the challenge that is most inportant to me.

[jeffatl]

Avoiding is NEVER a good idea. You can only take control when you confront your demons. Owning up to your insecurities is the most empowering thing you can do for YOURSELF!! Meet with him, and put this mess behind you. I almost guarantee you that it won't be as bad as you think.

[Wildcat21]

Jeff - sorry, but that's a really bad idea in this case. Please be careful in what type of advice you're giving out. She needs to stay away from her ex for good. Please again - avoid giving advice on some of these topics. This isn't isn't rah, rah go out and do it advice - this is serious stuff. This is real life situation stuff - and even life or death. Not some bimbo broke up with you and broke your heart stuff. Cess's life is a lot different than yours. Please take much better care in what you say.

Cess - good for you!! Sounds like things are beginning to get better!! God bless!! Keep working hard!!

[Chery]

Well time to update you all again. I am still working still have not gotten a place i am staying at a shelter saving my money to get a place. i have not returned to my x and even avoid him as much as i can . he been tring to get me to meet with him but i tell him i have to work even if i don`t. i have desided to think of my childern then myself and intill i am happy in them to areas i can`t be happy with anything else. i am working hard and will be able to keep everyone more up to date not that i sent this link to my email from my other email. because at work i can get my yahoo email but not my hotmail so . but anyway i am realizing where i have skrewed up and am stepping up for the challenge that is most inportant to me.

Good for you dear, and you know that anytime you need help with your stress, or with the kids - we are here 24/7 - and we don't judge.
Hope you'll have the opportunity to see a family therapist or go to a family center and get to know other single moms with problems to share solutions with. At any rate - remember, you are not alone in this.

Keep us posted.

[iamarcin]

1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

My girlfriend seems to be hurting all the time
It seems to be a cry for attention that I don't want to encourage
I do take care of her when it really matters

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

I always try to show my girlfriend how I feel by imitating her actions so she can experience my feelings because I can't communicate them any other way
Example : like the other day we are laying in bed at night and I leave to get a drink. I come back and I notice that she is naked so she wants sex but doesn't do anything so I don't do anything either. Then about 30min later she leaves the room and I strip and lay under the covers she comes in and I don't do anything either. This was to show her how I feel about starting the process all the time.

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

Poor comunication skills I do it because I don't want to answer a question and I don't want to hear naging to do so that is eaven more iritating. Whenever I want something I work for it (get her flowers or a ring or take her to a special dinner or somethin). Whenever my girl wants something she nags me for it.

4: when that happens when the argument is over . Why do you tell that women you love them?

I don't do this because I'm always right



I would really apreciate coments on this post
Thank you

[Chery]

1: why do men complety ignore women when they are hurting?

my girlfriend seems to be hurting all the time
it seems to be a cry for attention that i dont want to encourage
i do take care of her when it realy matters

2: Why do men always flip a agrument around like they did nothing wronge?

i always try to show my girlfriend how i feel by imitating her actions so she can experiance my feelings because i can't comunicate them any other way
example : like the other day we are laying in bed at night and i leave to get a drink. I come back and i notice that she is naked so she wants sex but doesnt do anything so i dont do anything either. Then about 30min later she leaves the room and i strip and lay under the covers she comes in and i dont do anything either. This was to show her how i feel about starting the process all the time.

3: if you get in a fight with your women .why is the first things said is to get the hell out?

poor comunication skills i do it because i dont want to answer a question and i dont want to hear naging to do so that is eaven more iritating. Whenever i want something i work for it (get her flowers or a ring or take her to a special dinner or somethin). Whenever my girl wants something she nags me for it.

4: when that happens when the arguement is over . why do you tell that women you love them?

i dont do this because im always right



i would realy apreciate coments on this post
thank you

SORRY TO SAY THIS, But if you don't take the time to read the entire thread, and have not had the experience that this young lady has had, then your comment here is totally inappropriate.

If you want to be a serious member of this forum, give people a fair chance and get to know the whole picture. This, as I said in your other post, is very self-centered and immature.

Please show a little more courtesy and compassion in your next comments. Thanks.

Walk a mile in the other person's shoes before you make a judgement.

[cess]

Hey all I have been kind of depressed the last 2 days I guess its because I talked to my x 2 days ago and he said some things that pissed me off. The main comment was this

"If i wanted my car back bad enough i would just get back with you and have you give me it then leave you"

That comment hurt so bad . I am not sure why but it did I get teary eyed every time I mention it. But I am proud of my response to this was

"That wouldn`t happen i would take you back"

But I don`t know if that is true the more I think about it the more unsure I am . Deep insides its telling me NO don`t set yourself to get hurt again and that comment proved it. But is it wronge for me to want someone to hold me on my bad days some one to curl up with . I just want someone to love me that's it and how it seems the only one who has ever loved me and will ever love me is 6 ft under. I am just depressed I guess. I am also at work and just trying to keep my cool . But its hard . Everyday I want to cry but I can`t because that's a weakness and I am not weak . (I know some say this is not true but it is what my mother has always told me)

[Wildcat21]

Cess - don't ever go back to this guy - that's massive ABUSE by him.'

WHY are you calling him anyway??

He doesn't love you - that's abuse.

It's OK to cry. Let it out. It's good for a woman to do that.

[hollywood90]

SORRY TO SAY THIS, But if you don't take the time to read the entire thread, and have not had the experience that this young lady has had, then your comment here is totally inappropriate.

If you want to be a serious member of this forum, give people a fair chance and get to know the whole picture. This, as I said in your other post, is very self-centered and immature.

Please show a little more courtesy and compassion in your next comments. Thanks.

Walk a mile in the other person's shoes before you make a judgement.

Would you give it up I don't need someone like you to tell me how to answer a question, I am quite capable myself... grow up

[cess]

I don`t call him . My x bugged my mom so much she gave him my cell phone number. I am trying to stay strong its hard . Saturday I have to see my x to get my car seats back I am dreading it . Well **** today is Saturday at least where I am . I am so scared I wish I had someone to go with me but I don`t. I am leacing all my money and anything inportant at home because I fon`t even trust myself I am scared I am going to melt infrount of him . But I need my seats its rough driving when you can`t reach the petals.

[cess]

would you give it up I dont need someone like you to tell me how to answer a question, I am quite capable myself...grow up

Ok for 1 chery is right on what she told you for 2 I will ask you nicely please don`t start trouble on here and please not on my post .


Thanks
Cess

[wrongful hurtings]

1. I don't think men completely ignore women when they are hurting maybe some but a good one won't, however I do think a lot of women hurt and don't tell there man so how can he do anything about it if he doesn't know.
2. As the fliping the argument around I think both women and men are equally guilty for this as most people are usually stubbern in admitting that there wrong.
3. I think that it just comes out because it would hurt the other person, if you think about it when your mad at someone your not caring if you hurt them emotionally.
4. Usually because you do love them. Just because you said some nasty things doesn't mean they meant them. Just because people argue doesn't mean they don't love you, it just means there flustered with whatever at that moment and they take it out in well not the best way but men aren't the only ones quilty of this it happens to the best of us.

p.s. Im not a professional, everything I say in regards to anything is just my personal opinon.

[Starman]

I'm a man and don't do any of the things you mention.

[ahuvakapon]

Dear cess how are you now?
Don't ever go back to this guy, and if you can't avoid meeting him for some reason, please remember THE BAD TIMES YOU HAD WITH HIM and don't ever forget he's NOT the guy to curl with when things are bad, but rather one of the most frequent reasons for you feeling low.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember we're here to help you through, even if it's only through the forum.
Bless you,
Ahuva

[cess]

dear cess how are you now?
dont ever go back to this guy, and if you can't avoid meeting him for some reason, please remember THE BAD TIMES YOU HAD WITH HIM and dont ever forget he's NOT the guy to curl with when things are bad, but rather one of the most frequent reasons for you feeling low.
i wish you the best of luck, and remember we're here to help you through, even if it's only through the forum.
bless you,
ahuva

I am doing great now . I am never going back . But not sure if I should move on to anouther guy even though we both like each other .

[Wildcat21]

Of course you should. But, maybe you need time to yourself right now and clear oyur head?

[milliec]

:) Hi Cess!
I think you should give yourself more time.
Maybe you should first make your bond with your children stronger before you get yourself involved into another relationship with someone new.
As far as I can see , I think that the bond with your kids should come first, and I think you need to offer them and yourself more time.
I still think they are your most important thing.
Apart from this, maybe you shouldn't rush into another relationships so soon after you had a bad relationship,
Give yourself time, get to know this new man better, deeper.
And never consider yourself "incomplete" without a man at your side - learn to love and appreciate yourself - this will give you a better chance for a healthy future relationship with a man who will, in turn, appreciate and cherish you.
I wish you and your kids a good fortune and a bright future.
Millie