[LH8]

I have recently found out my husband slept with someone else and she is now pregnant. This was hard enough but now I have found out it is twins. When I approach the subject he withdraws into himself and get I don't know whenever I ask him anything - I just don't know what to do anymore??

[ScottGem]

What do you want to do? Are you looking to save your marriage? Be part of the kids lives? We need more info to advise you.

[LH8]

I really don't know - I keep swaying from leaving to staying
I don't think I could handle him going to hers to see the kids and he said he didn't want anything to do with it until he found out there were 2 which is when he started with the "i don't know"s
I was ready to leave 2 days ago but couldn't bring myself to do it - I do still love it I just feel so betrayed!

[ScottGem]

I strongly suggest that the two of you seek counseling. It may be too late to work things but I think you need some help in trying.

[JBeaucaire]

He was unfaithful. You need to decide the forgiveness issue once and for all before you can opt on any other issue. You're marriage is only as strong as your commitment to one another, something that should be operating above any issue thrown at you, even infidelity.

But if it's not, you need to figure that out before you get involved with children. Bad blood between you and your husband isn't their concern and they should be protected from it if it's going to be there after they're born. So you'll need to forgive him if you want this to turn out well.

If you do, then he needs to know you are going to be at his side for this whole issue, just as you'd want him to be if the roles were reversed. Those kids need to come into your home and feel cared for and loved and doted on, and none of the grownup animosity that could exist between you and the other woman should be shared with them, ever.

The children can have a life with EXTRA loving, caring people. But if those people are quarreling in the background all the time, it kills their security and makes them feel responsible. Only you can stop that from happening.

• Fix the marriage.
• Work out the rules w/the other woman ahead of time.
• Firm up the finances.
• Be people of your word.
• Be calm and unjealous of the time that goes to the kids, they need it now.

[Budhabelly]

Its obvious why you want to leave. What are you reasons for staying?

[LH8]

Sounds corny, but I do love him!!

[JBeaucaire]

Unconditional love has the ability to forgive. Choose, then own your choice.

[talaniman]

You really need to take your time, and figure out what you want, and how you want to deal with this.

You may be numb, or still in shock, and may need some time away to gather yourself.

[HollyAnngel]

Think about the future. Are u not afraid he would do it again with her or someone else? Once a cheater always a cheater. U don't have to hate him to leave but I would be pretty angry...

[LH8]

Hi everyone - thanks for all your advice - the more the saga went on the worse it got
He was actually enagaged to this 16 year old and she had my original engagement ring - I got sick of all the lies and sent him to stay with his brother
My family have been great - I think I have been really strong through this but dreading tomorrow (It would have been our 5th wedding anniversay)
I have filed for divorce but had to go on hold as both the babies died last week.

Like I say - I just wanted to thank you all for your advice :)

[ScottGem]

He was engaged to a 16 yr old?? If you have been married for 5 years, then I would assume he's over 21. I assume this 16 yr old was the one he got pregnant? He's lucky he's not in jail!!

[N0help4u]

With your addition information it isn't an innocent fling because it sounds more pre meditated and well though out and giving your engagement ring means he had no intention of owning up to the girl that he was married.

[LH8]

She knew he was married because she used to stand and talk to me when I went to see him at work - sorry she was 17 when she actually got pregnant, they got engaged when she was 16 (Not that I'm defending him!)

[N0help4u]

Whether she knew or not your husband is still totally in the wrong and her knowing AND accepting an engagement ring means he most likely was feeding her all kinds of lines like he is getting a divorce and he doesn't love you anymore, you don't get along, you sleep in separate rooms, haven't had sex in over a year, etc, etc...

[LH8]

Absolutely - that was the clincher for me! When I saw that we got identical valentine day cards except mine said wife and hers said fiancée