[MichyMichelle]

Before I say anything more- I'm apologizing in advance for the longness of this:

My cousin is 12 years old and she's a spoiled brat to the Nth degree. The best way I can describe how much is by starting at the beginning:

When she was 2-3 yrs. Old, (I'm 8 yrs. Older than her) she was already getting temper tantrums- for example, I'd be getting babysat by my grandma during the summer(who lives with this cousin and the cousin's mom.) and say we all went to Blockbuster to rent a movie, if she didn't get a candy she wanted, she'd kick and scream on the ground to the point her mom had to literally DRAG her out of the store--- then, five minutes later- her mom would come back in and buy the candy.
When she was 5-6 yrs. Old, she'd kick and yell at her mom if she didn't get whatever toy she wanted for that day.
When she was 7-8 yrs. Old- that's when it really started to worsen big time. She started to push her mom(who has had 2-3 back surgeries and still has a very pained back), bite her, even curse her out.
When she turned 9-10 yrs. Old, she even started lying like crazy just to get attention. She lied saying some man came into her school bathroom and tried to get her- sending the principal and cops on a raid for the guy who didn't exist, only for her to later admit she was lying.
At one point, due to things going on in my life and also perhaps hereditary, I don't know- I started hearing things, getting hallucinations, all heavily due to stress in particular. Well, my mom being worried, needed to vent and told my grandma- my grandma's forgetful so she can't keep a secret and so eventually the whole family knew- including this cousin.
So, it gave my cousin the idea to fake hearing things and seeing things just so she could miss school. Her mom, always thinking she isn't lying (even though she continuously lies), had her go to a hospital for it. Well, the hospital had a playground inside, television, snacks, you name it- she liked it so much, she'd lie to miss school and end up there! All the while, her mom, my aunt, in deep stress- worrying if her daughter's all right. (Though the entire rest of the family knew she was just lying.)

Well- onto now. If she can't go swimming because her mom says no, she says, "If I can't go swimming then I'll kill myself or you!" then, she'll take any knife out of the kitchen and hold it to her neck till her mom gives in.

Or, another example for lately: She wanted to get new wheels for her rollerblades and her mom said no because she couldn't afford it, so my cousin was in a huff and stayed in the car (this was after my aunt picked her up from school and they came home), her mom went inside and so my cousin started to honk the car horn on and on till her mom came back out so she could rag on her again to get the wheels for her rollerblades. Her mom again said no and barely even touched her arm and she said, "Don't you dare touch me!" and pushed her. Now my grandma heard the commotion and came out over there and tried to help, then my cousin kicked her.
Or an even more recent example: My cousin got a TINY fracture (not even a hairline) on her foot to where she has to wear an ACE bandage on her foot for 3-4 weeks and use crutches. Well, now she uses THAT for her attention getting. She'll put on the waterworks (she knows how to turn them on and off) and say how in pain she is, then if my grandma accidentally BARELY touches her foot, she screams--- but YET, not even five minutes later, she'll be laughing about something on television- only to put the act on again another five minutes later and so on. I know she's faking because I saw her using that same foot to walk on with the crutches to get around more quick when she thinks nobody's looking.

Her mom never tells her no, always stands up for her (even when she's trying to physically harm my grandma, my aunt will blame my grandma for butting in or whatever), and whenever my cousin lies- she always blindly believes it.

Her mom takes her to see a therapist and psychiatrist also, BUT- she doesn't ever tell them the whole thing, just tiny bits to soften up how she really acts. The new psychiatrist she's seeing- just after hearing about the rollerblade wheel story, told her mom how she's saying yes too much and if she keeps it up she should go to juvenile.

And it's true. She calls her mom and grandma, even one of my other aunts, a b*tch, f***er, all sorts of stuff. When she wants anything, she'll have her mom (who just had another back surgery not even a full year ago) make it for her, go get it for her, buy it for her- then, a lot of the time- after her mom goes through all that effort- she ends up saying, "Oh, put it over there, I'm not hungry anymore." She does no chores, nothing, nada.
I used to try and help by have heart-to-hearts with her, or when her mom needed my opinion to get her to even do something- I did that for YEARS, trying to be helpful. But I realize what I should've known a long time ago, me doing anything isn't going to change matters, it'll just waste my own time. Because her mom is the one who needs to change her parenting skills. I'm not the mother and I shouldn't have to act like one either. I'm 20, instead of worrying about some brat and her passive mother, I should be worrying about other things. Never in my life could I ever act, or even want to act, as she does to her mother. It's rude, disgusting, and I can't believe a 12 year old could be that horrible.

So my question truly is this: My family hangs out at their house to chat, I like to go there because I get to see all my mom's side of the family (3 of them, my grandma, and my mom as well.)... BUT, that also means I have to see my cousin, too. After all she's done throughout all the years (everything I've even exampled isn't even the TIP of the iceberg) I can barely find myself to even look at her. It honestly just makes me sick- the fact she can act all nice to me but then to her mom, my grandma, as well as one of my aunts- she'll curse them out- and as for her mom and my grandma- even hit them- THEN, try to act like the victim purposely.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, because I want to see my family, but then my cousin's there and as terrible as it sounds, she turns my stomach. :( I love her because she's my cousin, part of my family... but as a person, I can't stand her. So what do I do? Do I stop visiting or what? I can't just ignore her without her mom probably trying to start an argument... I just don't know what to do. :(

Like I said, I'm real sorry this is so long, but I felt you'd have to know a lot of details to get the full story. This is my first question on here and it's definitely a hard one for me, because I feel it'd be wrong to shun my cousin, but she's so rude. I don't know what to do!


EDIT: I forgot to mention as I understand it sounds like she must need attention to crave it THAT bad- but that is NOT the case. She gets LOADS of attention. If anything, her mom makes her believe the world revolves around her. She acts super sweet to her teachers and friends, but with certain family members she acts just terrible. Even her friends know how she acts just to get her way. She wants attention, no matter who it'll harm- even though, she already gets tons of "good" attention from her mom anyhow- if anything, perhaps too much!

[tinsign]

If I wanted to see my family no young person such as a 12 year old would stop me. It really does sound however as if she is so desperate to get any kind of attention at all she acts out. Even negative attention is better than none to a lot of children.From what you say you are 20 now, perhaps maybe you could sit down in private with the girl and find out what is truly going on. Also this child does need professional guidance and evaluation.

[tinsign]

Would like to add that the child needs to stay awhile under close supervision so the guidance counselor can see how she acts without interference of parent hiding facts.