[Sanjeevan]

I can't stand the sight of good looking well built men - and if at all I come across them I feel like like doing something really bad to them - something demonic (I mean really ,barbaric perverse actually )and down right brutal to the core - you know what I mean? -ogrish.com >> this despite the fact that Im a guy myself -

Because it brings back bad memories of my life -of my high school days (9th)when I was harassed ,bullied by these group of three boys in my class - they would torture me mentally -emotionally in possibly every way a person can be oh yeah!- THEY would constantly sit behind me and hit me or throw things at me - stick chewing gum in my hair -throw water on my pants - put stuff in my bag - tie my shoe laces so that I could fall -and sometimes lift me and throw me on the bench when no teacher wa s around -they would sometimes lock me in the toilet when I would go there

Woh it even gets better ---I had to sometimes complete their assignments /homework or else I face the ordeal of being beaten by them after school hours - I had to sometimes hide in the library to stayaway from them.I tried to complain against them but to no avail -one of the boys father was politically connected so they were necver really expelled from the school - yup no acttion was ever taken against them - and at times others in the class would laugh at me -finally I completed my 9th grade and decided to leave city ,take admission in a new school to complete my studies. -because well you probably guess why?


I even remember running through high fever that very year when I was bullied by these folks.I remember getting headaches-
When my cousins or youngsters my age were enjoying those teen years - this is what I went throgh --

Anyway time went by ,years passed by ,I completed my education -,got my bachelor degree in arts with honours -got a job - but those scars they just never went away -they lived inside me evevr why momet of my life - continued to haunt me- I tried to come to terms with it -even now I do but I can't forget !

I find it very hard interacting with certain men despite the fact that Im male myself - in fact that the job Im IN requires me to constantly interact with males --find it very difficult establishing interfaces or communicating with them -especially if a man is typical chauvanist I can be vry aggressive towards men at times

I know that ragging and bullying can occur among females too not that it only happens among males .-and there are probably a lot of people who have gone through same stuff that I have(maybe guys and girls also) .
But despite this I find it easier communicating with women easier understanding or confiding in them -women usually mature faster than men so its more easier discussing.
I remember how I was fascinated with the way my aunt dressed .I n my own mental perception I developed my own female personification - and how I would have looked if I was a woman -I always became fascinated with the idea of being a 'diva' dressed inr ed -At a point of time in my life I even thought to myself whether I was a'woman'trapped in a mans body or should should I consider 'transexual' or 'transgender' operation- but then I felt maybe 'no' - I should be happy with what god has probably made me -

I did meet some good people through the years - but still its hard to forget all this -i just can't forget it
I still can't stand the sight of certain men BTW -posting on this site is pretty hard!

[N0help4u]

You need to realize that they are not them. Just because you have a problem with three guys isn't going to fix it or get revenge at them because you now have a problem with others that had nothing to do with it. Try getting to know some of these guys you feel this way about and realize they are not them

[plonak]

I suggest you get professional help for that.. you need to talk to someone about it and get your feelings out, or they are just going to twist in your head and cause more problems in the future..

I also suggest you try the 12 steps for your anger towards these kids.. the only true way to get rid of this pain is to truly forgive them, the 12 steps will help.. good luck

[smoothy]

I recommend counseling as well. Life is too short to go around carrying a major grudge. It WILL detract from making the most out of life.

[Choux]

You are the only person suffering from what happened in the past, and you are doing it to yourself!!

Time to make an appointment with a psychiatrist and get all this anger out of you and onto the table to cry over and discuss. :)

Otherwise, you and all of us will be dead within a few decades, and everyone's misery will be gone. :)

So, today is the day to have happiness.

My best wishes,

[N0help4u]

Yep I agree with Choux you are the only one suffering. Like when people tell me they have all this hate built up in them and it is causing them stress and mental anguish I point out the fact that the one they are hating so much is going about their own merry life with no regard to you so you ARE the one suffering and not them. They are quite content and they may not even remember you if they do they may feel they regret it and pass it off as stupid kid stuff and forgive themselves.

[Synnen]

Out of curiosity--What made you post this in Adult Sexuality?

I don't see a sexuality issue here, I see a prejudice issue that needs to be overcome with counseling.

[N0help4u]

My guess is the transexual part at the bottom but not sure if he feels the way he was treated resulted in those feelings or not.

[Synnen]

Moved to a more appropriate topic.