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    Aj Thapa's Avatar
    Aj Thapa Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 17, 2012, 09:18 AM
    About parents(please anser, this is for all of u)
    This question is for which are on this help desk or any where, Please answer this question. If A boy and a girl will fall in love in 18-20 age and if they feel better to tell there parents about his\her love and on that situation his\her parents will forced both side to forget there love and many other types of tocher they will also punished there child at this. All this is done with me now m in this situation my father will shauted me from when I 3-4-5 years till m 20 he will shuted me many physical punishments like(he beat me with stick, slap.. kick, etc).
    On occations , fastivals and on many more times when we are happy I wish myself to hug my father and by seeing my past ma mind will puzzled. THis is very short but I know in our country INDIA there is so many parents are like this. BY this parental pressure there is so many cases of suicide are ouccurs daily. I think this is not in India also this is in all the world. So many youngster will give hug to death daily.
    For example:- two couples love each other very much and there parents will doesn't allow them to marry then the following steps they(lovers) will put themselves:-
    1) They will get court marriage.
    2) They will ran away from there home
    3) On girl side her parents will marry her with other one and her beloved will died to know that news.
    4) BOth go to the suicide point(train track, building top floor, river or sea, etc) and both will die.

    This is better or the parents will allow them to marry each other
    If there children are happy they are also happy
    Know friends my condition is very bad very very very bad
    Answer this questiion this problem is all of you so please think and write your comments
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #2

    Jul 17, 2012, 09:46 AM
    Indian parents (that generation and older) are still bound up in the caste system and in wanting arranged marriages for their children. The younger generation has been influenced by Western freedom and love marriages and open-mindedness. This will not be solved for another generation or two. Similar situations occurred in other countries -- for instance, my German ancestors had a very different way of doing things and thinking about things from how I do them four generations later. My German ancestors' ideas about religion and marriage and family were very different from those of later generations. And the transition has been painful and upsetting and broke up families and caused great hurt to both adults and young people.
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
    Aj Thapa Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jul 17, 2012, 09:51 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Indian parents (that generation and older) are still bound up in the caste system and in wanting arranged marriages for their children. The younger generation has been influenced by Western freedom and love marriages and open-mindedness. This will not be solved for another generation or two. Similar situations occurred in other countries -- for instance, my German ancestors had a very different way of doing things and thinking about things from how I do them four generations later. My German ancestors' ideas about religion and marriage and family were very different from those of later generations. And the transition has been painful and upsetting and broke up families and caused great hurt to both adults and young people.
    So, What can I do??
    Please tell me
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #4

    Jul 17, 2012, 09:52 AM
    Which city do you live near?
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
    Aj Thapa Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:12 AM
    I lived in Jammu & Kashmir(Jammu) in India
    Please help my will just shouted me before minutes ago
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #6

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:16 AM
    Well, your generation is caught in the middle, between rigid cultural obligations and individual freedom. You can obey the cultural demands and snuff out your own desires or you can be a rebel and break free. In ether case, you will lose something, maybe even your life.

    Is there a more liberal place to move to in India?
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
    Aj Thapa Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:25 AM
    Hey I think you are helpful dear please tell if you have Facebook account if you have please send me friend request. There on chat we take dission of my life easily please if you want to help me like a good frient after this if you want remove me from friend list
    My account id is -- >email address removed<
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #8

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:30 AM
    The site rules say this discussion has to remain on the board, on the site. And as site editor, I am obliged to remove your email address.

    I cannot change your country and make it more free thinking and open to love marriages. That will take maybe another 25-50 years, or more. You will have to decide if you must rebel (and figure out how) or continue to obey the cultural demands.
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
    Aj Thapa Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:41 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    The site rules say this discussion has to remain on the board, on the site. And as site editor, I am obliged to remove your email address.

    I cannot change your country and make it more free thinking and open to love marriages. That will take maybe another 25-50 years, or more. You will have to decide if you must rebel (and figure out how) or continue to obey the cultural demands.
    I want to get die the cultural demands will hurts me it hurts many lovers. I don't like it
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #10

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:44 AM
    Certainly the younger generation can band together and demand changes. With computers and iPads and smartphones and IMing and word of mouth, young people can effectively rebel. That's what happened in this country during the late 1960s -- but with NO electronic devices.
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
    Aj Thapa Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jul 17, 2012, 10:59 AM
    Now listen my problem
    My beloved lived in punjab, amritsar city of golden temple,
    She is 18 and m 19+ in dec. m 20 complete. Girl side, her mother tell us if we want to get marry then we get marry in this one year. If I do not get marry with her in this year her mother says they will marry her with other man. Here m only 19 now the ligly age for boyz is 21
    And m in study now I have not any job for get marry becoz I now my father will do not allow me to live my home so for marriage I want first a job and a ligle age
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #12

    Jul 17, 2012, 11:02 AM
    Then her mother will have to be convinced to wait until you have a job and are of legal age.

    How can she be convinced?
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
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    #13

    Jul 17, 2012, 11:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Then her mother will have to be convinced to wait until you have a job and are of legal age.

    How can she be convinced?
    U tell how can she will convince her mother
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #14

    Jul 17, 2012, 11:24 AM
    First, does her mother know you? If so, does she like you?
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
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    #15

    Jul 17, 2012, 11:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    First, does her mother know you? If so, does she like you?
    Yeah! Mother knoe about me and she likes me n my personality. There is one more problem is caste. They are belong fron high caste and m from low caste. This also very bad
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #16

    Jul 17, 2012, 11:33 AM
    Yes, I understand the caste system. Of course, that too is changing in India but very, very slowly. The caste system is now obsolete, but older people hang on to it like older whites in this country hang onto the idea that blacks or people of color are lower in intelligence and not as important as they are.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #17

    Jul 17, 2012, 11:37 AM
    She is Brahmin? And you are what?
    Aj Thapa's Avatar
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    #18

    Jul 17, 2012, 05:04 PM
    M belong from SC caste. I have two ways, on first she is stand and on other my parents.
    If I choose the way where she stand on this my parents will get away me from there home. She is my life, she is my breathing, she is my everything. I choose my beloved, yeah I choose her from now
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #19

    Jul 17, 2012, 05:08 PM
    Ah, Dalit.

    So what is your plan?

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