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allrisesilver · Jun 20, 2012, 01:50 PM

Ok, so I have been in many relationships before but this is different. She's beautiful and kind, and we've been together for more than 8 months, nearing a year.

So before we started dating, she told me that she had been in a previous relationship. She had dated a guy who left to go overseas to study. So I knew that and I was fine with it because I myself have a crazy dating history.

Now forward eight months later, my girlfriend accidentally sends me a text message that was meant for her ex, saying she misses him! I got so angry and punched my office wall so hard, embarrasingly got me to get a hand cast and three stiches on my palm. I met up with her right after. She cried and said she made a big mistake but I just couldn't deal with her dishonesty.

Even thought she didn't exactly "cheat", I feel as though she didn't love me 100% because of her recent text message to her ex. So I broke up with her and my friend told me how she kept leaving depressing messages on her blog. She never blogged even when that ex left her. She wrote a few posts this month and all of them were of how she is suffering. Of course I love her too, it's rare that I have a relationship like this, but I feel like maybe this relationship wasn't meant to be, because I honestly DO NOT trust her anymore. My head hurts just talking about her wanting me back. And my hand cast just gives me a bad impression of her. Though I do miss her...

WHAT DO I DO?

JudyKayTee · Jun 20, 2012, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by allrisesilver

Ok, so I have been in many relationships before but this is different. She's beautiful and kind, and we've been together for more than 8 months, nearing a year.

So before we started dating, she told me that she had been in a previous relationship. She had dated a guy who left to go overseas to study. So I knew that and I was fine with it because I myself have a crazy dating history.

Now forward eight months later, my girlfriend accidentally sends me a text message that was meant for her ex, saying she misses him!! I got so angry and punched my office wall so hard, embarrasingly got me to get a hand cast and three stiches on my palm. I met up with her right after. She cried and said she made a big mistake but I just couldn't deal with her dishonesty.

Even thought she didn't exactly "cheat", I feel as though she didn't love me 100% because of her recent text message to her ex. So I broke up with her and my friend told me how she kept leaving depressing messages on her blog. She never blogged even when that ex left her. She wrote a few posts this month and all of them were of how she is suffering. Of course I love her too, it's rare that I have a relationship like this, but I feel like maybe this relationship wasn't meant to be, because I honestly DO NOT trust her anymore. My head hurts just talking about her wanting me back. And my hand cast just gives me a bad impression of her. Though I do miss her...

WHAT DO I DO?

I have to ask - why do people start their questions with "so"?

Anyway - yes, she cheated emotionally. That would concern me a whole lot. I don't know that dating somebody who then went overseas to study is a crazy dating history. Dating someone else and then texting #1 that you miss him IS crazy. Was your relationship with her exclusive? Did you believe it was all over between her and #1?

You aren't going to want to hear this - and I'm sorry but it's a public board - your punching the wall and injuring your hand DOES concern me. Very much. This type of rage when you didn't ask her, didn't have an explanation, would scare me right out of the relationship. You never gave her a chance - and maybe she didn't deserve one - but punching the wall? I'd be afraid I'd be standing next to you when you got bad news and I'd get punched instead of the wall.

I think you both acted badly. Now, can you trust her not to contact the "ex," to love you and can she trust you not to punch her instead of a wall? I don't know.

Do you?

slapshot_oi · Jun 20, 2012, 03:02 PM

Damn! Good for you dude!

You definitely played your hand well and are now in a position of power. As for what comes next I really have no suggestions because I've never been smart enough to take action like you did here.

You admit you can't trust her, therefore, you can't have a relationship with her.

Isetmybrosonfie · Jun 20, 2012, 03:02 PM

Look buddy, I feel you. She's obviously depressed and I suggest you go talk to her. I mean if you love her you will sit things out with her and say what needs to be said. I know you miss her too. Don't be a fool, maybe she might be the one. Just tell her not to mention her ex again. Don't put that year to waste man, I'm just saying the truth! Talk to her brotha

billyblanks · Jun 20, 2012, 04:55 PM

You better believe that wasn't the only time she did it. Us humans are selfish and sometimes only think of ourselves. If she hadn't been caught who knows how far it would have went. But if you truly love her and feel that there somethimg to salvage I would talk to her. People make bad choices sometimes.

Handyman2007 · Jun 20, 2012, 05:00 PM

You young people really make me laugh. This is not about seeking revenge or being in a position of power. You may just want to talk to her NICELY and ask why it happened. It could have just been a big mistake. There could have been something on her mind that in some way reminded her of her ex and she texted that without a second thought. I want to ask all of you guys,, have YOU ever made any mistakes??

Veronica623 · Jun 20, 2012, 05:27 PM

All she said was that she missed him. Who says that means she wants him back? If their relationship ended on good terms and because he left maybe she just wanted to catch up. I understand you being hurt by this ( I would be concerned too) but you need to talk to her and find out how she feels. If you love her and she loves you this could be a very bad reason to throw your relationship again. Trusting her should not be an issue if she has never hurt you or given no reason for you not to trust her. She did not lie to you and was honest when you asked her about the text. GO TALK TO HER!

Handyman2007 · Jun 20, 2012, 05:32 PM

I have several ladies in my past and I miss every one of them occasionally. It's not unusual. You have to remember something. When you are in a relationship with someone, you share a lot of things and have memories. Those don't go away. No matter how much you are in love with your present partner, you cannot erase good memories nor should you. It's part of life. The things we do in life is what makes us who we are.

Twinboysmama · Jun 20, 2012, 08:22 PM

Obviously you love this girl or you wouldn't be on the internet talking about her.. So why are you talking about her when you can be talking to her? Try to find a new way to deal with anger to bro, its not worth it to hurt yourself over something that can be verbally resolved. Hope it works out for you.

Jay254 · Jun 22, 2012, 12:02 AM

So, I've read through all the replies to your thread and I find the first one (by slapshot_oi) to be the best in my opinion. The last thing he stated is what stuck out to me, although his pun about your hand was pretty clever.

Look, man. You made the right decision. That's DEFINITELY not a good sign, AND you caught her because she "accidentally" texted you!! Whose to say she won't stop doing it if you give her another chance?

All I'm saying is that whoever your girlfriend might be, she should not be talking (especially saying they miss them) to her ex('s). It's a relationship determined to be havoc.

Mievans · Jun 22, 2012, 12:26 AM

I agree with the person that said if she hadn't of been caught there is no telling how far it would go. What if he got the message and felt the same way? Your right if she is sending ex-boyfriends messages talking about she misses them, then she isn't all in with you. Leave her alone because there will be more dishonesty to come in the future and much harder to get over.

talaniman · Jun 23, 2012, 09:01 PM

Let both your hand and your heart heal, and move on. Who needs the drama when the trust is gone?

Alwaysmyway · Jun 24, 2012, 09:23 PM

The main thing here is... will you ever trust her if you go back? No matter how much you love her but if you can't bring yourself to forgive or forget what she did to hurt you emotionally than it is not worth it going back to her.. You will only fool yourself thinking that you can overcome it when in the long run you will only hurt yourself and her emotionally. Love basically is built on trust so if you can't bring yourself to trust her like you used to before the text than by all means! Let it be.. she might suffer for now but it will save her more suffer in the long run when you go back and put her through a miserable relationship with no trust... and yes try to stay away from punching walls too!

allrisesilver · Jun 25, 2012, 07:00 PM

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I really took them all in and called her to meet up and we talked a lot. She was very emotional and told me she made a big mistake though I told her what I really felt. I told her that I couldn't be with her, because I couldn't go back to someone who I don't trust. I knew that she could find someone that she would love 100% without any thoughts about someone else. And when she would find that person she should be truthful about everything and do things right. She hated it and called her brother to pick her up cause she couldn't stand being in the car with me. There is more to the story, the breakup part is harsh and hurts but I am only looking forward to new things.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2012, 06:15 AM

I am glad you have decided to close this chapter of your life, and seek better things, and hope some anger control is in your future because you only have two hands my friend, and losing the use of one is no fun.

B93 · Jun 26, 2012, 07:21 AM

I can understand u.its quite difficult to endure such things.its normal to get a bit possessive of the one you truly love and you genuinely care for.well,her relationship with the other guy didn't end because of a fight,but out of helplessness.its quite normal that she miss him sometimes.I'd advise you to make your relationship a bit more exciting(by doing things together,spending more time with each other and so on).this will help her to have more interest in you day by day.I know its not a good feeling what you are experiencing but be patient,everything is going to be OK.you should understand her.As u love her,I know u'l do your best to understand her but try to be more affectionate,understanding.. dont worry brother,be patient.talk with her.. tell her to talk openly to u,about her decisions,her feelings and what she intend to do.. try to sort it out together carefuly.As u love her,don't do take any action in anger so that you don't regret it later.ok?
I hope things get better 4u soon.
Take care

JudyKayTee · Jun 26, 2012, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by B93

i can understand u.its quite difficult to endure such things.its normal to get a bit possessive of the one u truly love n u genuinely care for.well,her relationship with the other guy didnt end because of a fight,but out of helplessness.its quite normal that she miss him sometimes.i'd advise u to make your relationship a bit more exciting(by doing things together,spending more time with each other n so on).this will help her to have more interest in u day by day.i know its not a good feeling what you r experiencing but be patient,everything is going to be ok.you should understand her.As u love her,i know u'l do your best to understand her but try to be more affectionate,understanding..dont worry brother,be patient.talk with her..tell her to talk openly to u,about her decisions,her feelings and what she intend to do..try to sort it out together carefuly.As u love her,dont do take any action in anger so that u dont regret it later.ok?
i hope things get better 4u soon.
take care

It's very difficult to take your advice seriously when it's half in text speak - which, by the way, is against AMHD rules.