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Need answers · May 4, 2007, 11:34 AM

:( :confused: Am I old enough to choose to live with my father at the age of 16? I don't get along with my mother, and my father listins to me and gets me. Is their anything I can do without going to cort? Like am I old enough to leave home? Please help!:(

startover22 · May 4, 2007, 11:45 AM

I have learned that you don't get to choose at this age. You might be able to give your preference on what you want to do. But the judge doesn't have to give you what you want. You might want to make the best of the situation that you are in. I know as a teenager it can be really hard to deal with these issues. I hoping you make the best of your time with them seprately. You could talk to your dad on issues that your mom is not comfy with and the other way around. Use your parents advice on different levels and you might get some really good answers. Is your dad just more willing to go your way or is is more than that?

ABehrens · May 4, 2007, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by Need answers

:( :confused: Am I old enough to choose to live with my father at the age of 16? I dont get along with my mother, and my father listins to me and gets me. Is their anything I can do without going to cort? Like am I old enough to leave home? Please help!:(

Sorry to break it to you, but you have to stay with your mom if she had custody of you and you would have to go to court to move in with your dad. Now, if neither your mom or dad have custody of you you can go live with your dad.

ScottGem · May 4, 2007, 12:19 PM

There is nothing you can do without going to court. The custody arrangement was court ordered. Any change to that arrangement needs to be approvded by the court.

If your mom won't let you live with dad, then dad can petition the court for a change. The court will then listen to your preferences and make a decision based on what it feels is best for you (which may not be the same thing as what you want).

startover22 · May 4, 2007, 12:30 PM

You can move out when you are 18, you don't have too much longer to go honey! Give your mom a little bit of a break. Sometimes as parents we get very very caught up in being an adult and forget issues that go on when we were your age. Let your mom know that you love her. Try communicating better with her. She might enjoy a nice conversation with you. Try and bring up something she loves or something that is going on in her life to make her feel like it is an open conversation, instead of one only about your issues. Maybe this will help you out if your dad doesn't want to take her to court.

Fr_Chuck · May 4, 2007, 02:05 PM

All you can do is see your dad will mile a motion in court for him to have either joint custody or physcial custody and for you to be able to live with him. The judge will listen to what you have to say, but can decide from what he feels is best

MicheleEB · May 6, 2007, 10:03 AM

Ah, not true, when I was 13 I was allowed to move from my mothers house in Oregon to my father's house in Mississippi. I lived there for 3 years, but went back to Oregon my last year of school.
I also know someone who's oldest decided he was going to live with mom, and when my friend went to a lawyer the lawyer said "where does a 200lb gorrilla sit?" in other words if you chose to go, your mother can fight but if you are there it will be difficult.

ScottGem · May 6, 2007, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by MicheleEB

Ah, not true, when I was 13 I was allowed to move from my mothers house in Oregon to my father's house in Mississippi. I lived there for 3 years, but went back to Oregon my last year of school.
I also know someone who's oldest decided he was going to live with mom, and when my friend went to a lawyer the lawyer said "where does a 200lb gorrilla sit?" in other words if you chose to go, your mother can fight but if you are there it will be difficult.

I think you are talking about a very different situation. You say you were "allowed" to move when you were 13. Who "allowed" you. Most likely your mother. If the parents in this situation agree, then that is fine. In that case, you didn't make the decision, your parents did. You expressed your preference and they agreed.

The fact is that when there is a court ordered custody arrangement, only the court can modify that arrangement. The parents can avoid court by agreeing not to fight it. But if one parent decides to fight it, then its not going to happen outside of court. If the child does move without the custodial parent's permission, then the other parent could be prosecuted for kidnapping.

Fr_Chuck · May 6, 2007, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by MicheleEB

Ah, not true, when I was 13 I was allowed to move from my mothers house in Oregon to my father's house in Mississippi. I lived there for 3 years, but went back to Oregon my last year of school.
I also know someone who's oldest decided he was going to live with mom, and when my friend went to a lawyer the lawyer said "where does a 200lb gorrilla sit?" in other words if you chose to go, your mother can fight but if you are there it will be difficult.

Sorry very poor and incorrect legal advice, if for example as Scott mentioned if both parents say it is OK, then you can go. But if the parent with physcial custody wlll not let the child go, they can have the police physcially bring the child back and even have charges put on the other parent for either kidnaping or interfering with custody. Plus the parent with phsycial custody gets child suport will have to keep getting the child support.

And as noted it is not difficult to get you back with the other parent in jail for not returning you, and picking you up from Juv detention.

shygrneyzs · May 6, 2007, 01:31 PM

Do you wish to be an emanicapated person? Move out on your own? You are 16 and your state may allow that but you have to meet some strict criteria. If you meet the criteria you can go your own way. Before you think this is the grandest thing in the world consider this:

Points the Judge will consider in deciding whether a child shall be emancipated: Whether the parent of the minor consents to proposed emancipation;
Whether the minor has been living away from the family home and is substantially able to be self-maintained and self-supported without parental guidance and supervision;
Whether the minor can demonstrate to the satisfaction of the Court that the minor is sufficiently mature and knowledgeable to manage the minor's affairs without parental assistance.
The Judge finds that emancipation serves the best interest of the minor.

Minor's status when emancipation has been granted:

Minor shall be subject to jurisdiction of Adult Court for all criminal offenses;
Minor has adult status with regard to curfew laws;
Minor is recognized as an adult for purposes of contracting and conveying, establishing a residence, suing, and being sued.
Parents do not have the right to control nor the duty to support the emancipated child.

MicheleEB · May 6, 2007, 01:36 PM

I wonder how many of you have actually been through these situations? The judge allowed ME to chose where I wanted to live... granted that was more than 15 years ago. Also you can get a court order to get the kid to move back but if she is not happy she won't stay, even if she is a good kid... sorry been there done that with my fiance's kids. Their mother let them run away and not only is she not in jail, she was never even charged because according to the courts they were old enough to make that decision. Some states even consider you an ''adult" at 16, like Florida, for example if you are 16 you can have a sexual relationship with anyone up to the age of 24 or 25 don't remember the exact age, and in NY if you can join the army you can drink... so it just depends on where you live. The best thing to do is for her to check what the state laws are in both states if dad lives in another.

ScottGem · May 6, 2007, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by MicheleEB

I wonder how many of you have actually been through these situations?? The judge allowed ME to chose where I wanted to live...granted that was more than 15 years ago

Right, as I said the JUDGE allowed you to choose. That means the decision was the judges NOT yours. Yes, he gave you a choice and yes he listened to your preference. As we have said, judges will do that. Your judge apparently determined that either parent could adequately care for you, so he listened to your choice. But the decision was his and if he felt your choice was not in your best interests then he wouldn't have accepted your preference.

Originally Posted by MicheleEB

. Also you can get a court order to get the kid to move back but if she is not happy she wont stay, even if she is a good kid...sorry been there done that with my fiance's kids. Their mother let them run away and not only is she not in jail, she was never even charged because according to the courts they were old enough to make that decision. Some states even consider you an ''adult" at 16, like Florida, for example if you are 16 you can have a sexual relationship with anyone up to the age of 24 or 25 dont remember the exact age, and in NY if you can join the army you can drink...so it just depends on where you live. The best thing to do is for her to check what the state laws are in both states if dad lives in another.

Why would a mother be put in jail for "letting" their kids run away? Unfortunately there isn't a law against being a bad parent. Abusive, yes. Neglectful, yes. But not just being a bad parent.

You have to be 18 to join the army without a parent's permission. Not even sure if they will accept you even with permission. The drinking age for the US is federally mandated at 21. While some states do not consider it statutory rape to have sex with a 16 year old, that still doesn't deem pone an adult. You really need to check your facts before you give such bad advice.

The fact is a 16 year old cannot just decide on their own to live with a different parent. They need the permission of both parents and/or a court. If someone under 18 runs away to live with the other parent, the custodial parent can have the police retrieve the child and the other parent prosecuted. THAT is the legal reality.

MicheleEB · May 6, 2007, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You have to be 18 to join the army without a parent's permission. Not even sure if they will accept you even with permission. The drinking age for the US is federally mandated at 21. While some states do not consider it statutory rape to have sex with a 16 year old, that still doesn't deem pone an adult. You really need to check your facts before you give such bad advice.

The fact is a 16 year old cannot just decide on their own to live with a different parent. They need the permission of both parents and/or a court. If someone under 18 runs away to live with the other parent, the custodial parent can have the police retrieve the child and the other parent prosecuted. THAT is the legal reality.

Wow excuse me for not "checking my facts" on such bad advice. The point is that she needs to check on the laws in her state. As far as drinking yes it is true that 21 is the legal drinking age, but if you are in your parents house at the age of 18, and they allow you to drink it is not illegal, the point being is it depends on the parents and the state as to whether she should be allowed to choose where she lives, oh yeah here is another bit of bad advice Just ask your mom... you never know she might surprise you and just say yes... unless I missed that you already asked.
As far as joining the military... yes you can join at 18 w/o your parents permission, and at 17 with parents permission, and I know that because I joined at 17. Maybe you should check your facts.

Fr_Chuck · May 6, 2007, 04:25 PM

I am sorry but where did the right to drink and the age to have sex come in at, since neither has anything to do with the post of being able to move out of their mothers house.

1. Drinking is of course with the parents permission, ( same as moving with other parent) at home allowing a child to drink is normally allowed but again not related to the post.

2. And who ever told you Florida age of consent was 16 lied to you also, some states have 16 but Fl is not one of them.
Age of Consensual Sex in the USA

And again, joining the army "with parents permission" under 18

I know you mean well, but the simple fact is , if a child is not 18 only the court can make a legal determination as to where the child can live. Yes the parents can make their own choices informally if they will both agree on it.

In every state she has to follow the actual court custody order like her parents have to also.

MicheleEB · May 6, 2007, 04:35 PM

My point is simply this... I understand where she is coming from, each state has different laws as far as minors are concerned and the best way is to find out what the laws are... and ask her mother.
Well the laws must have recently changed because my best friend has lived there for years and was worried about the day her daughter turned 16.

ScottGem · May 6, 2007, 04:56 PM

As Chuck said, we understand you want to help, but you aren't helping when you give incorrect or misleading information. The facts remain that the answer to the OP's original questions were that no, at 16, she can't choose on her own where to live nor can she legally leave home.

That her parents might let her live with the other parent or that a judge will award custody are possibilities. But she can't just make the decision on her own.

BTW, in some states, it can be illegal to serve alcohol to those under 21, even in one's own home.

MicheleEB · May 6, 2007, 05:27 PM

You know this poor kid, here we are bickering about whether we think the other person is right whether it is legal or not... as far as I can tell no one here has claimed to be a lawyer.

The kid wants an answer... Here is my 2cents; Talk to your father, will he allow you to live with him? If so ask your mother, ask her nicely, and if she says no, don't beg she is your mother and what she says goes. IF your father says no, again don't beg. Now there are ways to legally change the custody if both sides agree, I believe it is a fairly quick process if both parties agree that you can live with your father. I believe my parents did the whole custody thing AFTER I was with my father.