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    MadamButterfly's Avatar
    MadamButterfly Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
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    #1

    Mar 6, 2007, 10:02 PM
    When to call it off.
    My boyfriend and I have been dating now for about six months, and, for the past five months our intimacy has been decreasing... now its practically nil. I'm not out of shape, and he tells me how attractive he finds me and takes me out with his friends, even going so far as to encourage me to dress up (he likes to show off). However, as soon as we get home and into the bedroom, its as if a switch gets turned off. Hes still attentive, still talks to me, and cuddles... but, his sexual interest in me... god, sometimes its like he may as well just come out and say "I've become a homosexual" or "I don't find you attractive anymore".

    Anyway... I've read through some previous threads, and tried my best (a handful of times) to seduce the dumb-nut... but, I give up. It was all in vain. So now I'm trying to decide whether to really call it quits and break up. We get along great, I cook, he cleans. We give each other surprise gifts and he does all these really romantic gestures that none of my past relationships had... but, without the intimacy, I'm beginning to view our relationship as more of a Friendship... and advice would be much, much appreciated.

    Thank you.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #2

    Mar 7, 2007, 07:13 AM
    Have u actually spoken in words to him about this?

    Favorite moto here at AMHD is :- Communication is the KEY to any relationship.
    tinsign's Avatar
    tinsign Posts: 275, Reputation: 66
    Full Member
    		  
    #3

    Mar 7, 2007, 07:18 AM
    The only way you are going to find out for sure what is going on hun is to ask him. You must have communication in any relationship and should feel comfortable to approach a subject that bothers you.
    Without comunication and feeling you are unable to approach a subject is basically not a very strong relationship. If he gets upset over this and you feel he will leave over it, then it was never the right person for you to begin with.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #4

    Mar 7, 2007, 11:53 AM
    Perhaps he, like many men, needs to be in some sort of... pursuit.

    To put it crassly - picture a neanderthal who clubs a woman and brings her back to his cave, he may feel his biological work is done. THAT WAS JUST A METAPHOR. NO VIOLENCE ADVOCATING HERE!

    Anyway, not all pursuit has to be physical, it can be mental. He may see you have other things occupying you besides.. him.

    So, if you move in to his apt./house (see also cave) you still need to have your own agenda: work, friends, trips etc. his work is not done. You should enjoy being you - even if it's not with him... that might wake him up.

    He will recognize that you are busy and have to act accordingly to be with you. The good news is that you are friends.. and if it was once hot, it could be again - surprise him. He may think he knows you inside and out... maybe something turns you on he doesn't know. Keep him on his toes, and don't feel like you'll lose him if you have a life... and soon a better sex life too I hope.

    Is this possible?
    MadamButterfly's Avatar
    MadamButterfly Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member
    		  
    #5

    Mar 7, 2007, 07:58 PM
    Thank you so much for the replies...
    Actually, I have tried talking to him, but, he tends to get flustered and the subject ends up being pushed aside. In any case, I've decided to let things just continue as they have been... I'm not stressed about our situation, and since its comfortable (as all routine things are) I've decided to just let it be... besides, I'm moving to LA in a few months.

    Kind regards,
    M
    Matt3046's Avatar
    Matt3046 Posts: 831, Reputation: 128
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    #6

    Mar 23, 2007, 11:31 PM
    Yeah I am thinking he might be gay.
    alizeblu's Avatar
    alizeblu Posts: 174, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member
    		  
    #7

    Mar 24, 2007, 11:02 AM
    That's messed up, so you're going to move to LA to get your sex huh?
    MadamButterfly's Avatar
    MadamButterfly Posts: 54, Reputation: 12
    Junior Member
    		  
    #8

    Mar 24, 2007, 12:01 PM
    No... I'm moving to LA to go to school.
    In any case, thank you to everyone who responded to my two question threads. I've called it off and am now a free woman (praised be god.. )
    And again, I have to say thank you to everyone, because I think that my self-esteem was really low and I just didn't feel as though I could call it off.

    Thanks-
    -m
    TheSavage's Avatar
    TheSavage Posts: 564, Reputation: 96
    Senior Member
    		  
    #9

    Mar 24, 2007, 12:17 PM
    Good lady -- Ive read a few of your posts and think highly of what smarts and compassion you`ve shown. Be kinder to yourself --Savage
    alizeblu's Avatar
    alizeblu Posts: 174, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member
    		  
    #10

    Mar 26, 2007, 10:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by MadamButterfly
    no...I'm moving to LA to go to school.
    In any case, thank you to everyone who responded to my two question threads. I've called it off and am now a free woman (praised be god....?)
    and again, I have to say thank you to everyone, because I think that my self-esteem was really low and I just didn't feel as though I could call it off.

    thanks-
    -m
    How was I supposed to know that? Didn't say it in your post. Sounds to me like he did everything right and you just got bored with it, and left him.

    I think that's a little mean spirited don't you think?;)
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #11

    Mar 26, 2007, 10:38 AM
    Good for you.
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