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justwizdom · Apr 27, 2007, 06:43 PM

Me and my husband just got married we have been together for 5 years last year I cought him on all kinds of single sites looking at girls I'm not sure if it would have went anywhere like he didn't contact any of them but it still had me thinking and every time I asked him why he would try to change the subject or try to avoid telling me then he told me it was cause we wernt having sex a lot and that he was just wondering if anyone else was intrested in him. I use to have a close eye on him a lot cause we were always together now he works out of state so he's away more but I have noticed that he stopped doing things he use to do I stopped getting presents the emails stopped, the love notes stopped he rarly plays with my hair anymore and he doesn't like to hold me as much either do you think he's cheating?

crystalbivens · Apr 27, 2007, 07:59 PM

Usually when you start thinking something is worth checking into it usually is.

startover22 · Apr 29, 2007, 02:44 PM

I think you should just pay more attention to him. You aren't making him feel like a man anymore and he NEEDS that. Take a few days and do nothing but be nice, give him some good loving, and see what comes out of it. Tell him every time he feels like getting on the computer, say, come to me, HE WILL I can almost bet on it. He will make you feel like the woman he used to make you feel like! Good luck...

NowWhat · Apr 30, 2007, 08:18 AM

I know you said you just got married - did you live together for a while before you got married? Relationships evolve. When you are in the "courting" stage - you get all of the nice things and notes - you are romanced more. When you get married - a lot of times - that stops. I don't know why - maybe the stresses of everyday life. Just because we are married though, doesn't mean we still don't need those things. But, it can't be onesided - you have to give in order to get. You also have to COMMUNICATE with one another. If you are feeling a shift - talk to him about it. Don't let it fester - it will and you will feel awful. Choose your words wisely - avoid words like "always and never" and don't start your sentences with "you". Why? Because it sets a tone - like you are accusing him of something and he probably doesn't always do something or never do something. It may feel like that - but it isn't true. Try, "I feel like this..." or let him know that you miss those little things he use to do because they made you feel special.

benn11 · Apr 30, 2007, 08:27 AM

Maybe you should look at what you are not doing that you also used to do because he might be getting the same vibe from you and you guys will be repelling each other.

Do something special for him and if you don't get a good reply give him some room before taking further action...

E3317 · Apr 30, 2007, 02:47 PM

I would not give up on him just yet. Maybe the change in attitude is a result of him moving. Have you changed. Have you stopped having sex with him. You have to look at all the factors before you write him off as a cheater. Is there a reason for him to cheat? Ask yourself that question and decide if you should pursue this

justwizdom · Apr 30, 2007, 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by E3317

I would not give up on him just yet. Maybe the change in attitude is a result of him moving. Have you changed. Have you stopped having sex with him. You have to look at all the factors befor you write him off as a cheater. Is there a reason for him to cheat? Ask yourself that question and decide if you should persue this

No I mean we have been together for almost 5 years and we just recently got married but I have bipolar and about a year ago I was going through a hard time and we lost our child at 4 months of my pregnancy recently so there has been stress but a couple months ago I cought him on sites like to meet other women and I've been lacking trust in him ever sense is that wrong?

E3317 · Apr 30, 2007, 05:53 PM

I have looked on thoes sites myself a time or two, but I have never cheated on my wife. Most men won't use those sites to cheat. They will do it at work or with someone they know or at least can see often. I wolud not base my investigation on that alone. I hope things gets better for you and your family.

FrOsT_bItE · Jun 5, 2007, 12:27 AM

He might be getting bored of the relationship. Firstly you need to ask yourself these 2 questions which I highly recommend. The first 'Am I the same BEFORE I got married?' and the second one is 'Are there other girls in his life that he seems to be giving more attention to?'
Being in a marriage is difficult, maybe you should be more flirtatious. Time for a change! Get up and find something that amuses him! It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be watching his favorite footy game at the closest stadium. So get up, have fun when he's not at work and dammit BE FLIRTATIOUS AND HAPPY!

purple-hearts · Jun 5, 2007, 04:17 AM

Relationships settle after time, and you both get more confortable with each other, then the flowers stop coming as frequent,all the little things you used to do together dwindle away.
the key is to keep all that alive.pay him compliments every now and again.genuinly want to spend time together etc.
and get him to stop with the sites, all thats going to do is drag you further apart.

glavine · Jun 10, 2007, 08:49 PM

Regardless Of Who He Is, If Given The Opportunity In The Right Situation At The Just The Circumstance Any Man Would Cheat, Well Maybe Not All But A lot Would. Hes Been With You For 5yrs, Things Have Dulled, And Hes Looking For Something To Spice Things Up. My Advice Is If Its Really About Sex, And We Are Bad About That, You Can Fix Us Dinner, Take Care Of Our Kids, Wash Our Clothes And We Don't Notice, Not Have Sex With Us Everyday, Were Just Not Happy With You.
So Next Time He Comes Home Surprise Him And F**k The - Out Of Him.
He May Not Be Doing All The Things He Used To, To Get Those Back You'll Have To Really Suck Up. Now If He Don't Respond To This, Something Is Up.

QueenD · Jun 11, 2007, 04:48 PM

Justwizdom,
Just remember the things it took to get him is the same thing you have to do to keep him. Pamper him a little. Good Luck!

E3317 · Jun 11, 2007, 06:15 PM

No, I don't think he is cheating. I've seen cheaters and that just doesn't fit the bill.

confusiousays · Jul 2, 2007, 11:50 PM

I hate to say this but yes yes yes. I know first hand because I to have cheated before and I know what to look for. Usually if your gut tells you something is wrong it is.

self_lnflicted_hell · Jul 7, 2007, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by startover22

I think you should just pay more attention to him. You aren't making him feel like a man anymore and he NEEDS that. Take a few days and do nothing but be nice, give him some good lovin, and see what comes out of it. Tell him every time he feels like getting on the computer, say, come to me, HE WILL I can almost bet on it. He will make you feel like the woman he used to make you feel like! Good luck.....

I don't know about that, sorry. But my bf of 2 years is a comp. addict. Luckily for me though (as far as I know anyway) he's not an online dating site addict, just likes being on the computer alot. As for him coming to me rather than the computer, you can forget it. He'll be on til' 3-4 in the morning when I've been asleep since 11-12...Emotion and attention are lacking alot also...It's sad

lillypopkins · Jul 8, 2007, 02:12 AM

I honestly doubt it I've noticed the same in my relationship and maybe he just feels insecure do you hold him like you used to ? Prob not and maybe ye spend too much time together and are just so used to having each other around that ye take each other 4 granted I often look at the same stuff but just being curious as I would never cheat on my partner maybe he too feels as though things have changed and you don't givce him as much attention as you did at the start ye just need some alone time and to learn to apreciate each other again just my opinion

lillypopkins · Jul 8, 2007, 10:31 AM

DisagreeI am a woman and I don't agree that a man looking at a site is a cheater and everyone I know would not feel botherd about that its not real life if he is bored maybe that's why would you ever look at something on computer out of curiosity knowing u

Pook_Myster · Jul 8, 2007, 06:50 PM

Lots of these posts on here suggest that you pay him lots of attention... but I was wondering if maybe you need to pay yourself some attention?

If he is bored, or the relationship has lulled... is it perhaps because you may have 'let yourself go' at all? I mean no offence... juts wondering if you still take the same pride in your appearance as you once did?

I know this personally... I have been where you are in a relationship and in the end, I started working out (great stress and anger relief also!) and have a make over - new hair, new clothes, new attitude - new me! And... it was like a new relationship!

While it is nice to pay him lots of attention, dote on his every need, when he is already bored, you may need to do something to draw his attention back to you... buy yourself some new clothes, have your hair done, buy a new purfume that will knock his socks off and be confident! Men love confidence... and you should feel confident with a rejuvenated you!

E3317 · Jul 14, 2007, 05:15 PM

Is that statement true for females also

lydiagr · Aug 3, 2007, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by justwizdom

Me and my husband just got married we have been together for 5 years last year i cought him on all kinds of single sites looking at girls im not sure if it would have went anywhere like he didnt contact any of them but it still had me thinking and every time i asked him why he would try to change the subject or try to avoid telling me then he told me it was cause we wernt having sex alot and that he was just wondering if anyone else was intrested in him. i use to have a close eye on him alot cause we were always together now he works out of state so hes away more but i have noticed that he stoped doing things he use to do i stoped getting presents the emails stoped, the love notes stoped he rarly plays with my hair anymore and he doesnt like to hold me as much either do u think hes cheating?

First of all, that paragraph was two sentences. Use some periods.

Secondly, talk to him and ask him why the lovey dovey stuff has stopped. Tell him you want it back and see his reaction.