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    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 23, 2009, 10:48 PM
    Going on a cruise, maybe
    Hi, just to start I'm 31, an my girlfriend is 30.. tonight we where just sitting around the house watching TV.. she was on the laptop on Facebook chatting, an I asked to use it after.. he's our background.. we have only been dating a month, but she says I'm perfect an the one , we've talkd about marriage, she said if I asked her should would say yes... so, its going great.. well she has been in jury duty an really likes it.. this is where it gets interseting,. so tonight after she was done I used her laptop an it was still on Facebook, I looked at a couple messages from her an this guy.. the guys a DA for our big city in buffal ny, well it said she made him smile an stuff.. I got a little bent out of shape and asked her who this guy was an asked if we are done with.. she said no but was upset, she asked me to leave for the night, there was no fighting but I could tell she was upset at me, an now she thinks I go through her stuff when she's not around... can somebody give me some advice? I'm kind of confused, an don't know what to expect to hear from her tomorrow.. I had told her today I also had booked a cruise for us , an that's where I planned to propose to her?! Somebody help?
    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
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    #2

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:03 PM
    Am I going to get dumped tomorrow?
    Any woman out there, if you can answer a quick question? On accident I seen my gfs Facebook page.. I looked an questioned her about a guy on it.. she was mad an asked me too leave for the night... what should I expect to hear from her tomorrow?
    Parallelism's Avatar
    Parallelism Posts: 12, Reputation: -2
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    #3

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:06 PM

    Here is my take on it.

    If both of you are in a relationship it is okay for you to read her Facebook messages (anybody who disagrees with me needs to realize that marrige was brought up in all of this) I just want to say that.

    I think you had every right to ask her what the messaged were in reference to and not just blow up on her calling her a cheater, you talked to her without losing your cool (atleast the post made me think).

    Looking at it from your point of view, if the girl I liked was saying "oh, you make me smile" I would raise an eyebrow.

    Just give her time and don't rush into marrige. Check up in a day or two and talk to her about it, let her know where you stand.
    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
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    #4

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:11 PM

    Yes your right, there was no blowing up, she was a little upset at me, an asked m to leave for the night.. not to blame this on her mensteraul cycle but it started today.. earlier in the night we both went out an fun with both sides of her family, an she was introducing me as her boyfriend to everybody I hadn't meet.. by the way it was her idea for the cruise, I got it for her birthday as a surprise, an told her as I was leaving..
    mudweiser's Avatar
    mudweiser Posts: 2,750, Reputation: 707
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    #5

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:29 PM

    I think she's hiding something. There is no reason for her to act so defensive.

    Sarah
    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
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    #6

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:32 PM

    Well I know that , but she talked about marriage an she tells me how much she loves me, really this hurts..
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #7

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:42 PM

    How old are you?
    mudweiser's Avatar
    mudweiser Posts: 2,750, Reputation: 707
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    #8

    Apr 23, 2009, 11:44 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by colonel7 View Post
    well i know that , but she talked about marraige an she tells me how much she loves me, really this hurts..
    Girls lie too.

    Sarah
    shazamataz's Avatar
    shazamataz Posts: 6,642, Reputation: 1244
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    #9

    Apr 24, 2009, 02:15 AM

    She was probably hurt that you felt that you felt she had ill intentions with the boy on her face book page...

    On the other hand...

    She could be hiding something... why make it public on your Facebook page though, hmmm
    lighterrr's Avatar
    lighterrr Posts: 1,415, Reputation: 72
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    #10

    Apr 24, 2009, 05:24 AM

    She could just be annoyed that you don't trust her t think she may be seeing another guy, or she could be unfaithful. You won't know until you talk to her.
    Jamie Claxton's Avatar
    Jamie Claxton Posts: 10, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Apr 24, 2009, 08:15 AM

    I am a guy and I know it hurts, I have been in your shoes.
    I think that she thinks that you feel insecure and that you don't trust her.
    Jealousy can be a killer to many relationships.
    If you want to marry her then your trust has to be 100%.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #12

    Apr 24, 2009, 08:35 AM

    There a couple of ways to look at this.
    1. she had a mild flirtation with this guy,nothing in it,and freaked a little when you saw.

    2.she got annoyed you looked,and overreacted.

    3.theres something going on.

    4.well,just be honest about how you feel about it.. turn it around and try to get her to see your point of view.how would she feel?
    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
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    #13

    Apr 24, 2009, 09:16 AM

    Yeah we are both 30, I'm thinking it was a mild flirtation.. I left her house last night an gave the silent treatment.. an I woke up to a couple texts saying that she was sorry, an I love you so much... so where do I go from here
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #14

    Apr 24, 2009, 09:24 AM

    The ball is firmly in your court. Talk to her,see what the story is.you know her well,you'll know if she's telling the truth.

    But I will say this,if you both sort it out,leave it.
    Don't bring it back up in a fight.

    Good luck,hope it all works out for you both.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #15

    Apr 24, 2009, 10:05 AM

    You had no right to snoop.
    I am assuming this is the first test in your relationship and you failed.
    I would not try to bribe her with a trip and I would not propose anything except an explanation of why you felt entitled to breach her trust by snooping.
    You best have a good excuse or you may be cruising solo.
    pathisfer's Avatar
    pathisfer Posts: 94, Reputation: 22
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    #16

    Apr 24, 2009, 03:17 PM
    I see some red flags here, not just the snooping, but only dating for a month and talking about marriage. It takes a long time to get to know a person and earn trust to where you can decide if you want to be with them the rest of your life. Do you always push for quick attachments and violate privacy? If I were her, I would be very wary.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #17

    Apr 24, 2009, 04:51 PM

    First, I've merged your threads. As noted you shouldn't start a separate thread for the same issue.

    Second, I think some of the answers here have never seen Facebook. When you log onto your Facebook page, you can see recent messages. So I doubt if there was an real snooping, the message may have sort of leaped out.

    Third, I have to wonder about a relationship of only a month where marriage was already being discussed. That just seems way too soon.

    Finally, I'm very concerned about a DA or ADA corresponding with someone on jury duty. I'll assume that he's not on the case she's serving on, but it still seems highly irregular.
    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #18

    Apr 29, 2009, 07:29 AM

    Actually the da ada whatever he was, was part of the hearings, that's what she told me, now just yesterday she said she wants to take a break? Just some time to cool off.. the night before she was talking about wedding songs an stuff like that?? I'm so confused now
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #19

    Apr 29, 2009, 07:35 AM
    Not only are you confused, but she's completely confused about what she wants.

    I think it's best that you guys stayed away from each other for a while to let things cool down. There was a breach of trust on your part for snooping around. But she also seems to have something to hide.

    Take the break, avoid contacting her. Both of you can cool down, reflect on what's happened, and then when you find each other, you will be objective when making decisions.
    colonel7's Avatar
    colonel7 Posts: 55, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #20

    Apr 30, 2009, 11:38 AM

    OK, well ill take your advice, but earlier today I sent her some flowers, an wrote an apology to her.. I haven't spoken to her in two days, its killing me.

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