[Wildcat21]

Recently in one or two posts we came up with the word 'Compromise'. I thought his was a great word - new favorite word.

"A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.
The result of such a settlement.
Something that combines qualities or elements of different things: The incongruous design is a compromise between high tech and early American.
A concession to something detrimental or pejorative: a compromise of morality."

Oh no - not so fast... I asked the woman I have been seeing about this word and I told how great it was... how I was going to add it to 'Trust and Respect'...

She HATES that word... from a woman's point of view it appears this word says 'give in' - she said it's as if she has to give up and give in. That she has to let 'him' win to 'compromise'.

What is the word then?? 'Give and Take'??

So compromise is out.

This also is a lesson in communication and how we see things differently.

[Depressed in MO]

I think "compromise" is where both parties kind of have to "give in" and let each other win on certain things.
For example, it's a "Ok go to the bar with your buddies tonight, and I will watch the kids, then I will go to the bar with my girlfriends tomorrow night and you watch the kids." Yes, it would still suck tonight for whoever can't go, but then the next day will make up for it and the other party will have to stay home. That's compromise... Not a bad thing at all. Just sometimes difficult to do... obviously. I think Compromise is a very good thing. People say compromise all the time, they just don't realize how hard it is to do. It has to be a mutual thing for it to even happen.
Just sharing my opinion... :)

[aqua@home]

Hi wildcat,

I think compromise is give and take. I think it depends on the situation. In some situations you give a little more and in some you take a little more. I think this is healthy in relationships. No one should ever get their way all the time and no one should ever have to sacrifice all of the time. Compromise should never hurt and both parties should agree on the compromise. That's my two cents.

WILDCAT: PS. Thank you for your response to my post. I do know what is healthy but when you are in it things get much more complicated.

Take care

[Fr_Chuck]

Compromise is good or bad depending on how and why you wish to use it.

To compromise with a child molester for example that he will only do it once a year instead of every day, is not a good thing
To compromise with a killer that he will only kill half of the hostages is better than all, but is it really a good thing.

To compromise on religious faith, so that salvation is lost for all, is not a good thing, it may make the world happy and be politically correct but it brings little true confort.

Or in a husband/wife if the husband agrees to only cheat once a year, is that a good compromise, sometimes it has to be absolute.

[milliec]

Well, Fr_Chuck brought up topics I haven't considered when I thought about this issue.
So, I'll stick for the moment to the things I've already considered:
I think that " compromise" is one of the foundations for the relationship named "friendship"
it's the golden path which goes in between, that's why it's so difficult to get on this path.
being the eternal "taker" is to be a predator. Being the one who always gives, brings the relationship to a sick situation, and can get the other used to habits which weren't there at the beginning.
like a person who's been always indulged by the parents : was a spoilt child, and will be one forever.
I don't see the relationship as a situation where the parties keep "counting" their concessions.
This is not the case.
I think that if people mutually respect each other and care about the other's feelings exactly as they care about their own, they'll really LISTEN to each other, and compromise will be reached in every controversy without too much pain.
I agree with Fr_chuck that certain subjects have an absolute value:
cheating means no respect for the other, so it's excluded in any case, I pointed out that compromise comes only from mutual respect.
a child molester?
this is one of the sickest situations we can think about - there's a real predator! Compromise is a key to healthy relationships.
As for the kidnapper: I think here is the situation we might classify as a contract with the devil? I don't see it as a compromise situation, but as an agreement at gun point, which is obtained under sheer terror.
(the same situation is with rape)
As about religion: I can't speak about all religions, but from what I know about Judaism - for our orthodox there's only one way.
Bye,
Millie

[Wildcat21]

Great points here. I like them. There has be a better word. I don't like negoiate because this is matters from the heart.

[fredg]

HI,
The word "compromise", as used in a Relationship between two people, as I see it, being married 29 yrs, does not always mean giving up your stand. It means taking a little here, a little there, and reaching a decision about something that is acceptable to both people.
If a woman, or a man, doesn't like the word, then it's my own opinion that they would rather have another word or words, such as "negotiate", and find things we both like in whatever it is.
It's funny how words mean different things to different people.

[talaniman]

In our marriage of 32 years we both have learned to negotiate and to compromise and without communication and respect you can have neither! Without both partners being equal you can have none of the above.:cool: :)

[Wildcat21]

Good stuff - I agree on this. The trust and respect creates the 'compromise'.