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Why is everyone not my cup of tea?
Am I odd? Since I have moved into this small town I've not been able to like anyone I have made contact with. I have made friends here, but I always end up dumping them. I think it's the drinking water, but I sincerely do not have anything in common w/ the women in this town! I have lived here 10 years now... I have my old friends that are near and dear to my heart, so I don't feel I have no friends, but why can't I keep or make a friend out in this neighborhood? All my close friends live 40 minutes. Away. If I could make/keep a friend out here we'd be minutes away. Why is everyone so not my cup of tea? Is it me? Help!:(
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 Originally Posted by SweetDee
I did read that your daughter is also having problems and you are considering paying someone to beat up a child. I don't know what your neighbors know or don't know and if this is part of the problem |
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I'm not considering it so much as I'm worrying about it... and over reacting. I live in a part of canada where they don't honour any kind of bullying protection w/in the school board. I needed to get opinions on IF I would do such a thing. Thing is, I would only have her threatened... so she'd leave my child alone.
No the neighbors don't know anything. I'm posting my secrets here. Isn't that what this site is for? My daughter is only having problems because of an issue I had w/ this child's mom. It's listed under, "did I betray my friend". This whole drama is the result of what happened in that post. I urge you to read it. I know I am over reacting... but I am only reacting to the actions I have been told that this child is preparing to declare come school. "For every action there is a reaction"... and in my situation, where there aren't any "no bully toleration" in place, in the province I live... I need to take matters into my own hands. I'm not a bad person... I'm only a mom who has no help and there has been a threat made to my child. HELP! |
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All my real friends live miles away. I have 'friends' in my 'hood' but it is a REAL 'hood' so their morals and so forth are not so great but I get along with them and I treat them with respect and so forth BUT I do not consider them my friends in the sense that I do consider my other friends friends. Maybe what you have to do is figure out exactly why you ditch them before you can understand why it is you have no friends around you.
Basically someone that you consider a close friend is someone you have things in common with and can relate to. My neighborhood friends I don't have much of anything in common with. Their life revolves around them, their work and their partying and their drugs. |
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Originally Posted by SweetDee
I realize you have posted another thread because you want to find out what kind of people post here - I don't know what kind of people you're looking for. You can't expect to post one situation in one thread and then open another with other mitigating circumstances and not be questioned. It's not about posting secrets; it's about being consistent. And as far as what people think - I don't think anyone thinks it's a good idea to hire someone to beat up a child and it is also not terribly smart to seek revenge. And I did read the whole thread. As far as bullying - I'm not terribly sure that the schools which have anti-bullying laws pay much attention, particularly in middle school. Should they, yes. Do they, no. How do you sort out the true bullies from the jerks? I don't know. Hopefully someone else will come along with some other input on your problems in your town. |
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I love being questioned judykaytee. It helps me get the help I'm asking for. I'm not looking for any particular type of person, judy, just some help, thanks. You sound like I'm pissing you off, for some reason. I hope not. I'd really enjoy that you're taking the time to help me out. I apologize for my "mitigating circumstances", I'm merely trying to figure out some stuff. I will try not to post my issues/secrets. I thought I could here. I also think I look pretty consistent. I'm terrified for my daughter... having issues w/ people in this town and trying to get opinions so I can have a birds eye look at how I'm perceived. I just thought I could get some advice here.
Oh, did I give the illusion my child was in middle school? Sorry folks, she's in grade 11... so, no it's full on high school. I know that I started this whole issue w/ becoming enemies w/ this kid's mom... but quite frankly I did the best I could w/ her. I couldn't go on being friends w/ a woman who won't allow her highly sexual daughter to use condoms or birth control. I just didn't side w/ the mom and the kid hates me for that. I suffer the consequence of having that child feel betrayed... by my telling her mom to put her on contraception. I don't blame her, but I love her and didn't want to see her get pregnant or end up w/ std's. The kid is only a kid. She's very angry w/ feeling of betrayal. Sue, (my ex-friend) won't let me talk to her anymore so I can't explain that her mom solicited my help... so sue can protect her child, but she never did. INSTEAD sue made sure that her child felt betrayed and STILL she doesn't help her sexual daughter. I was the messenger that got shot... and deservedly so! I'll NEVER BUT EVER get involved in anyone else's drama no matter how much they beg... (you live you learn!) My goal is make sure my daughter doesn't suffer this kid's wrath. I can't see myself wanting to ever hurt this child. It's not something I WANT, (if anything I'd hire someone who looks big and scary just so she can feel "threatened". The kind of threatened my kid feels... ). I would love for this child to not threaten my daughter anymore, but I can't stop that either. I just know that school started already she's threating my child. She flipped over my daughter's lunch tray at school... all her peers began to laugh at her. Is THAT OK? It was only the FIRST WEEK of school, in fact the first 3 days! I have spoken to the school... and they'll do their "best" to help. So far this girl has not seen the inside of detention or the principle's office. I know you mean well judykaytee, but you don't walk in my shoes or that of my child's... |
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Originally Posted by SweetDee
No, I don't walk in your shoes with this but please don't assume I've never seen the situation. Whatever the root cause of what your daughter is going through - and I'm a little surprised this is going on in high school - it doesn't really matter. In my area middle school is a nightmare and, hopefully, by high school it's all sorted out AND the high school authorities are much tougher on bullying than middle school. But you don't live "here," you live "there." If it's this bad, if it's already started with tray flipping and can only escalate, you've contacted the school, nothing has happened - have you thought or is it possible to move her to another school, even a private school? And if all else fails I'm very much in favor of retaining an Attorney. Sure, it can make it worse (if that's possible) for a while but it can also end it and put so much pressure on the school board that somebody takes a stand and/or action. I would legally put the board on notice. And, of course, if your daughter is injured or even if there is intentional infliction of emotional stress, the PARENTS can be held responsible - under certain circumstances. And nobody can make you suffer like an ex-friend, turned enemy. Nobody. |
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Judykaytee, I would never presume to assume anything about you. I don't even know you. I truly do believe that you have seen situations like mine, I mean who hasn't.
I think that if I could afford to put her in private school I definitely would pull her and do it. I also am considering switching public schools, however there would be no buses to take her and the drive would take an hour to school to drop her off every morning and then the hour back from school so I can get back in my rural area where I live and work. That's 4 hours a day on the road. It's complicated, huh? Why do you think I'm panicking so much and not able to stop asking for help?:( The problem is big and it's happening in high school all over this province. I wish I never helped my ex-friend out but you can't change the past. I was only trying to be a good friend... I guess I'm the biggest moron on god's green earthhhhh!! |
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Can you home school or cyber school her?
If it is allowed where you live you might want to check into it. People think it is really hard to home school but really it isn't. They provide everything and it only takes less than a few hours to go over everything with them. At her age she could probably even figure most of the work out herself. Sometimes you are better off having friends on the internet I think I have been asking people for many years now if it is something in the water or the air! |
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Originally Posted by SweetDee
So then I'd retain an Attorney - |
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Retaining an attorney, huh? Well, I think I'll just go through the process and see how much the school board is prepared to do. So far nothing is happening. I will try my best. I can't really afford an attorney... they cost money, no? Maybe we should just sell the house and liquidate... then we could afford it. Do you see the problem here? I love my child more than anything. Maybe I should go to the teen section and call upon teen advice on what I should do. I just need to find a way to get that girl to BACK OFF, then all the issues will disipitate. It's that simple..
I am not sure that it's possible to home school in this province as it has it's own rules and the hardship of teaching my child is going to be somewhat challenging as it would have to be done in French... and I'm not bilingual, unfortunately. We live in the province of Quebec, which is in Canada. You can't imagine how many tutors I'd have to hire in order for her to be able to move forward and graduate... it's simply unaffordable. It would be much like having her go to a private school then. She's already tutored in math... anyhow... So, let's find out why I really don't mesh well with all the people in this horrid town. Lots of French people... which I can't speak the language and the English are... oh my gosh! I'm a mess huh? |
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Maybe like in the movie Bodyguard get a football guy to befriend her.
Yet again easier said than done. Since it is a big problem maybe Oprah doing a show on kids currently bullied would help. I know Oprah or one of those talk shows did a program of kids that had been bullied but now really successful (with prestigious careers) confront the bullies and the bullies apologized. (Just trying to think outside the box a bit) |
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Originally Posted by SweetDee
Well, I'm out of suggestions - home schooling won't work, can't travel 4 hours a day, no money for an Attorney, school board has been non responsive. Pray for karma. |
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SweetDee... does your daughter want your involvement in this? How does she respond to this other girl? There is a place and time for parent involvement, especially at the high school level, and sometimes it can cause a situation to continue, fuel the fire so to speak, instead of it simply running its course. Certainly make sure the administration, at all levels, is aware of the situation, but be sure your actions don't perpetuate the situation.
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Fr_chuck just made a good point about me on another thread I wrote, saying that I argue w/ people and also about some of the threads I've responded to were deleted. I suppose I have trouble making friends because I'm not a nice person. If I were nice people would like me more. Also, it's been said that I'm not consistent... this is true. I've never been. I think that's also pretty bad. At least I'm learning something about myself here. HEY, I did ask, didn't I? I absolutely don't fault honesty. I appreciate it. I promise...
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Originally Posted by SweetDee
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DoulaC, my daughter has asked me to help her. I am doing everything I can without over stepping yet... I see how "much" the school board is helping. They do a lot of talk w/ little action. So far my daughter is still getting bullied. My child is tough actually. She can hide her fears and worried behind all the confidence she has about herself deep down inside. She knows that this girl is bonkers! She just keeps her worries about her standings w/ her peers to herself. She brushes it off amongst her peers as though it's just dust on her shoulders... saying, "She's just angry about something our mom's did"... She comes home and then we talk about it all. She's secretly very upset and afraid to lose face and friendships...
Korine I believe you have a good point. It's not like I didn't try out here... It's just that I'm originally a city girl and moving to a rural town w/ all of it's small minded people has been really tough. I'm very open minded and accepting of all races and lifestyles but it seems I stand alone in that here. We were once invited to a "corn roast" to welcome all the new neighbors in the area. We had a nice time getting to know the people and went home at a reasonable time. The next day didn't I hear from a neighbor that we speak to a few times a year... "Mrs. Blahblah is terrified of you". I said "What?! Why???!" and so my neighbor says, "Well she's just not used to people like you. She's originally from this town and very low key. She's afraid of you". I said, "Why would anyone be afraid if ME?" She responded w/, "Well you're so pretty and stylish. And you have a confident way about you. She's intimidated". I thought well that's no reason to FEAR ME or judge me, for that matter. A half year goes by and don't I see some of the people from the corn roast... and they're all looking at me all wide eyed like I'm going to jump out at them. I have spent 10 years caring about how to blending in w/ everyone and be accepted... I put on some weight so I could be less attractive and be more like everyone else... I met a few people and got along fine. I admit that I never felt like I could really relate to these people. I decided before the summer that being chubby and hanging out w/ people I don't care for is not my cup of tea. It's not me! So I lost all the weight... and have not been invited to A THING since. I hated that I had to lower myself just to be accepted... I haven't respected myself for that. Now I feel like a million bucks again! I have no friends in this town again, but WHO CARES! I'm living large and looking F.I.N.E. again and I'm not going to hide who I am ever again! I just don't know why people can't look beyond the surface. Being friends w/ a hottie, well... It's akin to not being able to be friends w/ a person who is Extremely ugly or obese. It's what's on THE INSIDE that counts! I've stuggled w/ my looks my whole life. Odd as that may sound. People are so obsessed w/ the exterior... I should start a whole new thread about this. Label it, "How We Look And Why It's So Important". |
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