[gypsyadams]

My ex-husband has been paying me support for our 3 children for two years. Prior to this, I supported my children for the most part on my own, with him paying an occasional bill for us. During that period, I went into considerable debt, had my car repossessed, and thus now have a car payment at 24% interest rate and other higher than normal expenses.
My oldest child, who is in college, has just turned 21, and per law, ex has reduced child support, in our case, by $75 a week. I am fine with this. What I am not fine with is his telling the eldest child that I should have been sending her $75 a week, as if the support payments are her spending money. He implied that since she gets a large amount of financial aid, I have been screwing her out of money.
I was of the belief that child support money is used to cover typical living expenses for the family, including rent/mortgage, utilities, transportation, etc. and that it needn't always be divvied up penny by penny to each child. In my case, covering my other children's basic needs happens to cost more than my oldest's cost, and if I need to spend more on some basic expenses for the family (ie car payment), I can any portion of the child support to cover it.
Please note that I provide travel expenses and any money my oldest needs on an as-needed basis, and she is well sheltered and fed, thanks to her grant money (which comes to her because of my stressed financial state).
My ex thinks I owe my daughter 1650 dollars ($75 x 22 mo) of fun money. While I would love to give her that, I can't at the moment.
Have I done wrong by her?

[cadillac59]

I don't think you've done anything wrong and you should tell your ex to mind his own business.

If you were the child support recipient, how you used the money was up to you. Your inclination was right in that respect. Although the support is for the kids, yes, you still get to use it as you see fit.

Even if your lifestyle was personally enhanced by the support (which I HIGHLY doubt) that's okay.

[stinawords]

Part of this depends on what state you are in. Basically, you are right that it is for all the children but some states require that you be able to prove that all the children benefited from the money. But the child can not take you to court or anything for the money it would only be your ex (in the states that make you be able to account for the money) that could take you to court and make you prove how each cent of the money was spent and how it benefited the child(ren) but at this point it wouldn't really change much other than you would have to report your support spendings from now until the other two children are of age each month on how the money was spent and the it would either be approved or you would be told how to spend it differently and prove that you made the changes (if necessary) the next go round.

[ScottGem]

Print this out and show it to your eldest. Hopefully this will let her know that her father was being mean spirited and spiteful.

Child support is used to pay for the care and feeding of the children. Its not "fun money".

[twinkiedooter]

The money for 2 years was NOT an allowance for her. Dad had no right to tell her anything that mean spirited.

[cdad]

Im not real clear on this.. was your oldest child that is in college living with you or living somewhere else outside your home ?

[lawanwadee]

Child support can be used for anything the custodial parent deems necessary. It covers everything from food, shelter, clothes, etc. You have the right to tell your children that they should ask their mother for clothes and stuff. It is my experience, however, that child support rarely covers all or even most of the costs associated with raising children.

It's not fun money for the kid. You've done the right thing, the best as a mom, and you owe her nothing.

[cdad]

Child support can be used for anything the custodial parent deems necessary. It covers everything from food, shelter, clothes, etc. You have the right to tell your children that they should ask their mother for clothes and stuff. It is my experience, however, that child support rarely covers all or even most of the costs associated with raising children.

It's not fun money for the kid. You've done the right thing, the best as a mom, and you owe her nothing.

Child support isn't suppose to cover the full cost of raising children. If it does its set too high.

[Fr_Chuck]

The ex husband is a jerk, trying to cause trouble and needs to be told off basically,

Child support is not given to the child but used by the parent to pay costs, such as home, food, electric and more.