[dwight040287]

Right now I am entering my junior year of college, but I had this crush on a girl in my high school my entire high school career. I was really good friends with her through most of high school, until our senior year when we didn't have any classes together. The reason I never asked her out was because I almost always had a girlfriend, although this crush hated almost every girl I ever dated. I also know she had a crush on me during the first couple years of high school, but I am not really sure about our junior and senior years.

The girl is a great person, and I know we would get along very well. She has a good sense of humor, is intelligent, and is a really beautiful girl. She actually is an ex NFL cheerleader (but never cheered in high school, she just was an avid dancer). That isn't what intimidates me though (I dated the captains of our cheerleading team another high schools team in high school). I know she respects me (apparently graduating 36/363 in my high school class qualifies me as a genius in her eyes) so I can't figure out why I can't just grow a pair and ask her out.

For some reason, I never have confidence when it comes to talking to girls. The girls seem to always come to me so I never need to make any effort. I have never actually asked a girl out on a date. Now though, I have been single for about three months and I have found myself wanting to ask her out real bad, but I just don't know how. There is a good chance I will be seeing her soon because I will be going home for the weekend, but I have no idea what to say. I can't even bring myself to send her an instant message! I probably will just act like a fool and be really awkward. What should I do?

[huno]

(I dated the captains of our cheerleading team another high schools team in high school).

For some reason, I never have confidence when it comes to talking to girls. The girls seem to always come to me so I never need to make any effort. I have never actually asked a girl out on a date.

Hmm... well, first off, you're very lucky to just have girls come to you. It's like never needing to go out for food because it's always delivered.

Anyway, assuming this question is for real (because I have a hard time believing that a guy who's been lucky with girls can't ask one out), I'd say just be casual about it. Don't make it seem like a big deal. Just mention that you feel like going to lunch but you don't want to go alone... or you wanted to see a movie but not by yourself.

And don't use IM. Do it in person. Or call, if it's not convenient--and no texting.

So, if I may be so bold: what is it about you that gets girls to come to you? You should try and figure that out and use that to ask this girl out.

[dwight040287]

The post is for real. It just seems to me that I have never taken the initiative to get involved with any girl I ever dated. Believe me, it is not as if girls fight over me. As a result of never having to build up my courage and just go talk to someone, coupled with the fact that I almost always had a girlfriend, I feel like my "skills" are severely depreciated.

This is what makes it so hard for me. My biggest problem is initiating a conversation and being sure that the girl actually wants to talk. Once that happens I am home free. This is probably why I feel like I don't put much effort in... because all a girl has to do is start the conversation. That's what I consider the hard part. Usually, if I have a couple drinks it gets even worse. I kind of feel like girls just think that guys are only trying to come up and hit on them, and as a result kind of ignore them. If I could only get past the first 30 seconds of the conversation...

[kristynn]

You said you never had to make any effort with girls, well, now you have to make a little effort if you want to ask this girl out. However, you're a special case. :) If you're such a magnet, believe me that you must be doing something right, yet you are not aware of what that might be.

So, there's no need for you to think it through and plan ahead every word you are going to say :p, but just actually be the way you usually are and simply just ask. If you make a big deal out of it, that's when you're going to act like a fool and be really awkward. Like huno said, don't make it seem like a big deal, but most of all make the effort not to make a big deal out of it.

Just talk to her casually the way you've always talked to her and the way you always talk to other girls and then simply ask her what you want to ask her. OK? You only need a little bit of luck... so good luck! :p

[kristynn]

My biggest problem is initiating a conversation and being sure that the girl actually wants to talk.

Why not ASSUME and CONVINCE YOURSELF that she REALLY wants to talk to you??

[huno]

Why not ASSUME and CONVINCE YOURSELF that she REALLY wants to talk to you???

You know, normally kristynn's advice is terrible, nonsensical, and bordering on the clinically psychotic. But every so often she whips out a real gem, and dwight040287--today you get to hold the diamond that is kristynn's non-nonsensical advice. :D

You walk up to this girl assuming she's dying to talk to you. I think that's a big part of attraction--you play out your role assuming you've already won. It helps project an image of confidence, honesty, and even bravery; things girls want. :)

The three C's of manhood: cool, confident, and casual. Be these things, and you're on easy street.

Now, kristynn will reply telling you to cut off your thumb and present it to her, a-la Vincent Van Gogh. Of course, you and I both know that's just crazy, because you need your thumb. You should cut off your pinky.

[kristynn]

You walk up to this girl assuming she's dying to talk to you. I think that's a big part of attraction--you play out your role assuming you've already won. It helps project an image of confidence, honesty, and even bravery; things girls want. :)

Yes, definitely, I would beg you to do this! So, please DO it! They say it's not good to assume things and bla bla bla, but in this situation, it's the best thing you can do! Just for once... :)

The three C's of manhood: cool, confident, and casual.

One thing I wanted to say is that yes, Confident, but don't confuse confidence and cockiness. Although they share some similarities, Confidence is good, Cockiness is not! :)

Huno, you're still the best but no, I'm not so evil. :D He doesn't have to cut anything. I wouldn't want to see him in pain. :cool:

High-five for our non-nonsensical advice! :p

[ldrocks88]

Right now I am entering my junior year of college, but I had this crush on a girl in my high school my entire high school career. I was really good friends with her through most of high school, until our senior year when we didn't have any classes together. The reason I never asked her out was because I almost always had a girlfriend, although this crush hated almost every girl i ever dated. I also know she had a crush on me during the first couple years of high school, but I am not really sure about our junior and senior years.

The girl is a great person, and I know we would get along very well. She has a good sense of humor, is intelligent, and is a really beautiful girl. She actually is an ex NFL cheerleader (but never cheered in high school, she just was an avid dancer). That isn't what intimidates me though (I dated the captains of our cheerleading team another high schools team in high school). I know she respects me (apparently graduating 36/363 in my high school class qualifies me as a genius in her eyes) so I can't figure out why I can't just grow a pair and ask her out.

For some reason, I never have confidence when it comes to talking to girls. The girls seem to always come to me so I never need to make any effort. I have never actually asked a girl out on a date. Now though, I have been single for about three months and I have found myself wanting to ask her out real bad, but I just don't know how. There is a good chance I will be seeing her soon because I will be going home for the weekend, but I have no idea what to say. I can't even bring myself to send her an instant message! I probably will just act like a fool and be really awkward. What should I do?

Talk to him and be yourself

[huno]

One thing I wanted to say is that yes, Confident, but don't confuse confidence and cockiness. Although they share some similarities, Confidence is good, Cockiness is not! :)

Yeah, confidence is better than cockiness... although the truth is a lot of people can't tell the difference. Only the best, most refined, most intelligent girls can tell... those are the girls I'm after.

Cockiness is to confidence what a supercharged 1980 Mustang 5.0 is to a Ferrari Enzo. Both go real fast, but only one is truly valuable and special. Also it can take tight corners and not have to drive in a straight line to go fast.

Huno, you're still the best but no, I'm not so evil. :D He doesn't have to cut anything. I wouldn't want to see him in pain. :cool:

Hahaha... are you sure about that? ;)

High-five for our non-nonsensical advice! :p

High-five!

[dwight040287]

People,

Thank you for all your help. Last night I managed to convince the girl, her friend, and my buddy to make a trip to the bar. We went and had a pretty good time. I wasn't able to get the girl alone until about 20 minutes before the bar closed but once I did we had a pretty good conversation.

I was going to ask her to get something to eat today but it would have interrsupted the flow of the conversation too much so I waited. On the way home, it was impossible to ask her so once the two girls got dropped off I called the one I was talking to and asked her to get breakfast this morning. She responded by saying she would be way to tired and she had to work at 11:30 so she couldn't. I go back to work tonight (about 5 hours away) so anything else was out of the question.

I know she has to work, and I know she was tired because she didn't want to come out at first but we convinced her to. However, I feel like if she really wanted to go she would have tolerated a tired day at work. I can't really judge it though because she was drunk, I was drunk, and she sounded almost asleep when I talked to her. I know she signed online at about 9:30 this morning, so she must have been awake. All in all this is a really tough situation to interpert because we got along so well when we were alone, but there are signs that point to her just not wanting to. But who really wants to go to bed at 3 after a night downtown and wake up at 9 and go to breakfast before working at 11:30? I certainly didn't want to, but I had no other choice. Waking up and signing online is much different than going out to breakfast. I am trying to keep a positive attitude but I am naturally pessimistic about these things.

I have several options from here, but I am not quite sure what to do.

Opinions? Suggestions?

[huno]

Opinions? Suggestions?

Opinion: soccer is nice. Especially when Mexico crushes Paraguay 6-0. :D

Suggestion: you shouldn't worry so much about the fine details. Look at the big picture. You're sitting there wondering what it meant when she went online; who cares? There are a million reasons she could have been online at that hour. If she hadn't been online, you'd probably be wondering about THAT.

People do most things subconsciously. Don't get caught up analyzing every little thing you observe. You'll drive yourself crazy and you'll draw conclusions out of events that potentially (and likely) mean nothing. Any and all logic you derive from random occurrences is faulty; don't waste your time.

Just ask her out next time you see her. Give her a call, be friendly, polite, don't ask too many questions, and just keep cool. You'll do fine.

[Rae24]

If you are going home for the weekend, why don't u call her and say "hi, wassup, we havent seen each other in a long time. I wanna see how u r doing, and how's everything...catch up on good old times." Is that too much to ask?
I am sure she will be happy to hear from you if u guys were such great friends as u said... n then maybe it can lead to more... u got to start somewhere! :)
Good luck

[AandZ4ever]

You should make this clear is she 18? Make sure its legal lol. But it seems as though you are kind of cocky. Dated cheerleaders, but u have never asked somebody out? What do they do just assume? Lol I don't know but I doubt she still likes you romanticly. Go home ask her. See what happens mail me with results? Good luck